Saturday, May 06, 2006

In grief you will need physical contact and comfort

[if you've come for Shangri-la diet notes, click here]

You will need non-sexual physical contact. But, you need to nurture things to make that happen. By this I mean you need to establish patterns of physical contact that do not lead to sex. For example, I rub my wife's feet, often when she is very tired, which puts her to sleep. She knows that if I'm rubbing her feet, she can enjoy it, even if she isn't planning on it leading to other things. The same is true when I rub her back or when we are going to sleep and she wants to rest her head on my shoulder. We can take comfort in each other's presence without there being any other message. That is an important pathway to create and nourish in a relationship.

It is also one you can start at any time. A simple "honey, I know you are tired, but if I rub your feet it will probably put you to sleep. Just go to sleep while I rub some lotion into your feet" can start you on that path. One that will allow you both to have the comfort you need without any other message than "I love you" being communicated.


Anonymous said...

you know you are just asking to be snarked on this one.

annegb said...

Also, I'm going to discuss this seriously with bill tonight.

"Stephen says you should probably rub my feet without expecting anything since I'm depressed and..."

I actually asked for a foot rub for mother's day (I just hate all these hokey holidays)--and to be left alone, but I think I should have asked for daily foot rubs for a week.

Johnna said...

Good tip. Thanks.