Sunday, December 29, 2013

Rachel's talk at church today (2013/12/29)




Dear Brothers and Sisters, I was asked to give a talk based on President Thomas S. Monson’s talk “Believe, Obey and Endure.”  The essence of the talk is that the most important thing we can do is remain faithful to the gospel.  We stay strong by persevering.

He gives an example of a girl who remained true to the gospel and was shunned by all of her friends as a result.  For many months she was alone and it was a very hard, long and difficult time for her.  Keeping true to the gospel resulted in hardship and pain for her, but in the long run it made her life better and more true.

There is a lot of outside pressure on us that begins early, builds when you are a teenager and never really stops.  Pressure to act popular, to shun others and to not follow the standards of God.  There are always pressures to give up the celestial for the world.

We begin by believing.  It is the keystone.  You can’t do anything else if you don’t believe.  Belief is the first principle of the gospel.  If you believe it can help you in your perseverance and give you a reason to hold on.

The Article of Faith that applies is the fourth article of faith:

4 We believe that the first principles and aordinances of the Gospel are: first, bFaith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, cRepentance; third, dBaptism by eimmersion for the fremission of sins; fourth, Laying on of ghands for the hgift of the Holy Ghost.

Next, we have to keep believing:

To quote President Monson:

I have spoken over the years with many individuals who have told me, “I have so many problems, such real concerns. I’m overwhelmed with the challenges of life. What can I do?” I have offered to them, and I now offer to you, this specific suggestion: seek heavenly guidance one day at a time. Life by the yard is hard; by the inch it’s a cinch. Each of us can be true for just one day—and then one more and then one more after that—until we’ve lived a lifetime guided by the Spirit, a lifetime close to the Lord, a lifetime of good deeds and righteousness. The Savior promised, “Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life.

            So, we must endure.  We preserver and we do it just one day at a time.

            What do we do one day at a time?  We obey.  To quote President Monson:

Next, young women, may you obey. Obey your parents. Obey the laws of God. They are given to us by a loving Heavenly Father. When they are obeyed, our lives will be more fulfilling, less complicated. Our challenges and problems will be easier to bear. We will receive the Lord’s promised blessings. He has said, “The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.”2


            In addition to obeying, we can repent.  If we miss a day, if something doesn’t go right, we can be kind to ourselves and turn to God and repent, starting over and doing the next right thing.  We look with hope to the future.  As President Monson pointed out in his talk:

If any has stumbled in her journey, I promise you that there is a way back. The process is called repentance. Our Savior died to provide you and me that blessed gift. Though the path is difficult, the promise is real. Said the Lord: “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”4 “And I will remember [them] no more.”5

            This will bring us to where we need to be, to the things that will make us truly happy and home to our heavenly parents.  To repeat what President Monson said:

I have spoken over the years with many individuals who have told me, “I have so many problems, such real concerns. I’m overwhelmed with the challenges of life. What can I do?” I have offered to them, and I now offer to you, this specific suggestion: seek heavenly guidance one day at a time. Life by the yard is hard; by the inch it’s a cinch. Each of us can be true for just one day—and then one more and then one more after that—until we’ve lived a lifetime guided by the Spirit, a lifetime close to the Lord, a lifetime of good deeds and righteousness. The Savior promised, “Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life.”6


            I leave you with this message in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

_____

Dad did typing, Rachel did the writing.  She also did the editing as she has pretty strong ideas.

Honestly, I was very pleased with not only how she put the talk together, but how she presented it to the congregation after the sacrament had been passed (and with her giving me permission to share it on-line).

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Peace on Earth, Good Will Towards Men

Another child of God (blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God):

http://www.beyondintractability.org/

And, from the Heath Brothers:


3 WAYS TO FIGHT “NARROW FRAMING”
Psychologists say that we tend to get caught in a narrow frame when we make decisions, often limiting ourselves to a “whether or not” choice: e.g., I’m debating whether or not I should buy this fancy pair of shoes. This is a trap: We focus so hard on the single option we’re considering that we blind ourselves to the other options that may be available. 
Consider the corporation Quaker, for instance. In 1994, Quaker’s executives got excited about the promise of Snapple and acquired the company for a whopping $1.8 billion. Unfortunately, they had severely underestimated the difficulties of incorporating Snapple’s teas and juices into the company’s manufacturing and distribution systems. (Not to mention the questionable brand synergy between wholesome Quaker and quirky Snapple.) Three years later, they sold off Snapple in a hurry for $300 million.
They’d been caught in a narrow frame, considering “whether or not” to buy Snapple. What if they’d considered 2 other potential acquisitions at the same time? Or considered pouring $1.8 billion into their own R&D and marketing? Or buying 100 small regional brands for $18 million each? Chances are they could have avoided a history-making loss. 
In Decisive, we lay out four basic ways to fight narrow framing: Here are the first two:
1. Consider opportunity cost. If you are considering an investment of time or money, ask yourself, “What is the next best way I could spend this time/money?” Make sure to consider other domains; if you’re considering an expensive set of speakers, don’t just consider a cheaper set of speakers. Ask yourself whether you might be happier spending the money on a weekend getaway, or whether you might be happier with a used set of speakers from Craigslist plus a fancy dinner with your partner. If you can’t come up with any other combination that seems enticing, you should feel more confident that you’re making the right investment. 
2. Multitrack your options. As Steve Cole says in the first chapter, always try to think AND not OR. Can you avoid choosing among your options and try several at once? For instance, if you’re deciding whether to invest time in Spanish lessons or ballroom dancing classes, do both for a while until one of them “wins.” Or, rather than hire one employee out of three candidates, could you give all three a 2-week consulting project so that you can compare their work on a real-world assignment?

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Answering intrusive questions

Too often people ask questions that are so intrusive. For example, they might ask "you have so few children, when you plan to have more" or "why don't you have more children" or "that is quite a gap between your children, care to explain?" -- especially if they have no grip on social nicety. 

Miss Manners notes you can always respond with "Why do you ask?"  A friend suggested that you just ignore the question and ask "What about you, when are you planning to have children?" followed by "tell me about yourself."

The "why do you ask" and "what about you, when are you planning to have children" responses are both good deflections.

However, remember that so very often the questions are harmless and mindless chatter.

I know in my own case, where we buried three children and went through a number of miscarriages, we got and still get a fair amount of questions like that.

I'm a lawyer. My wife is a CRNA. We have only two living children. With a large gap. At one time when she had finished her BSRN we had only one child.  People would ask whatever popped into their heads that were otherwise empty at the time, without really thinking.  Empty social chatter sometimes, probing or judgmental at other times.

Sometimes I deflect gently. 
I tell people the truth sometimes.

I remember that they are just people. It is part of the normal chatter and social milieu.

That doesn't make it easier. I've a friend whose wife almost died trying exploratory surgery and trying to have children. The story spread far and wide in his social and church setting.  People quit asking why a lawyer and an m.d. had no children and implying that they were self centered and worthless.

But it took her heart stopping and the rest before they started telling people how heartbreaking the question was and the social pressure eased off.


It can be mindless social chatter for some.  But terribly hard for others.

If you need to vent, share your tale of woe when people ask. Stop before all the details, catch yourself, and say "I just can't bear it sometimes, if I only had time I'd share the rest if it. But it is heartbreaking for us. I'm sure you asked because you want to help, but I'm so overwhelmed I don't know what to ask you to do."  


You've just told them part of how bad it is, but not all (leaving some to their imagination) and then segued to the social construct that anyone who invites a tale of woe has done so for the good purpose of trying to figure out how to help.  You might even suggest how they might help.  You are really saying "thank you for letting me vent and offering to help."

That gives three responses.  Use the three responses "why do you ask" "what about you" and "thank you for letting me vent and offering to help" as you need them.

It is so hard, but having a response or two or three prepared can make it easier.

But remember that most of it is just mindless social chatter by people who are not thinking.

And also remember that there are people who sympathize and wish you well.
 

The world is filled with good people.  You would be surprised how many Kathy Warnocks or Linda Grays -- people who were so kind to us in times of need -- or similar people are out there.  Remember that too.