I donated blood yesterday.

Before Jessica died, I had donated enough that they gave me my four gallon pin. When she was on ECMO is also the first time I found myself outside of the Red Cross system and donated through Carter Bloodcare. Since then, I've donated a time or two at Church and work, but mostly I get called and don't feel like making an appointment. In return, they've lost all records of my donating since 1993.

But I need to donate blood more often and I'm committed to becoming a regular again. I realized I had memories and issues left over, but I'm going to deal with them better by facing a normal donation center and getting through them than just avoiding the chance to donate.

In case you don't realize it, this blog is a continuation, in many ways of http://adrr.com/living/journal.htm -- on-line journal entries I used to post to create some distance. By posting those entries I kept people from direct contact at at time when it was just too painful to talk. Sometimes it is still too painful.

Alessia
by Wilfried Decoo

Alessia, I hope you will read this post, now, or rather some day in the future when you will be an independent adult, free to choose, and strong enough to look back. I want you to know that the Church never abandoned you, that the thoughts of dozens of Church members have been with you these past few years. And, through this post, the thoughts of many will be added. This block of text links to the story of Adelbert Denaux and Alessia

It is a heartbreaking story. One that should fill Adelbert Denaux and the Belgian IACHSO with such a sense of shame that they can not face God and not weep. May they stand between heaven and earth.

Please pray for a friend's son, who is in such dire straits.

I know, there is so much sorrow in the world, but I hope for grace and mercy from God and I hope Geoff Johnston finds deliverance. If you are reading, please take a moment and pray for his son Quinn.

Thank you.

A story of courage, from an unusual source -- a link to the story of how Robert E. Lee's daughter was arrested for violating Jim Crow laws, and of how her father refused to bow to similar pressures.

It is a good story because it reminds us that people are complex, not simple. It is much too easy to think that everything is simple, when it is not.

It is also a good lead-in to a story about a real hero in my life, my wife.

When she was sixteen and at the beach in Brazil, she spotted a girl in trouble as the waves were getting rough, and she and a guy both started swiming out to help. As they got there, the guy bailed out, saying it was better to let the girl drown than it was for them to drown with her. It was then my wife made the decision to either save the other girl or drown herself with her. She decided she had met an important test in life and she had to face it to be true to herself.

The guy who bailed out watched from the shore as both teen-aged girls made it back in spite of the worsening waves. My wife gained something from facing that test that most people in our culture never face, and passed a very real test.

I adore my wife, I learn from her thoughts, and she is a role model and story of courage for my life and for my daughters.

For some sermons she has given:

Win's 1997 Women's Conference Talk
Father's Day Talk
2002 Coleville Conference Talk

I'm grateful we have made it so far together, through so much.

December 26 is when Courtney died. Then Jessica's death date is January 26 (also our wedding anniversary for Win and I). Jessica was born February 12 and Courtney was born February 16. That string of memories always makes this time of year so difficult.

We love our baby, but as she goes through various ages and stages she stirs up so many memories in her path, so many feelings. I know that when she is finally nine or so she will be past it all, and then it will only be the ghosts we feel with her older sister as she has experienced all the things her sisters missed.

As for Robin, I know her dates are July 6 and August 31, but somehow it is always the 4th of July and Labor Day that resonate.

Memories are always with us.

On a completely different note, I put in referrer logs. I know they aren't working right, since in the past five days I've referred 29 people to Sleepless in Portland and 89 to Celibate in the City. That's 118 outgoing to just two sites. For the same time period my referrer logs show only about 30-something incoming visitors. I know that I didn't have almost a hundred people who set my blog as their start page ... but I figure the software will eventually sort itself out.

I was going to post on missing Jessica. She died on January 26, 1993. I miss her still, so much. To have a child die on your wedding anneversary does things to the day, creates a web of feeling and thought and loss, mixed with the hope. Instead I am writing about what it means to love, and to the extent that a fallen world means that men preside, what presiding in the home means. It is, of course, important to note that all scriptures that lead and discuss men presiding all tie that to being a result of the fall, not something that is part of the unfallen world.

When I was young (I turned 49 in 2004) a talk that really got my attention was about a man who took his wife in to see a General Authority (a "G.A." in the parlance) so that the Church leader could tell the man's wife that he got the last word because he had the priesthood. Citing a core source of Church doctrine, D&C 121 the G.A. told him he was wrong and that he lost any claim to the priesthood or to authority in attempting to compel any decisions in the household. The only right having the priesthood gave the man was the right to serve, as Christ served when he washed the feet of the apostles.

I was looking for that talk recently, and could not find it. I did, however, find newer versions of it.

They support my bottom line belief that when we talk of marriage and the priesthood, we are talking of a duty to act by love, patience and faith without control or dominion flowing from any source or by a call to authority. No power or influence can be or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood. The following are quotes and excerpts. Not all of the originals agree with me in every perspective, but they do seem to agree on the authority of the core religious doctrines from which I drew my conclusions as a young man.

E.g. H. Burke Peterson, “Unrighteous Dominion in Marriage,”
Tambuli, June 1990, 17

* President Joseph Fielding Smith taught that this relationship extends to the home. “There is nothing in the teachings of the gospel which declares that men are superior to women,”

* A husband should not make decrees. Rather, he should work with his wife until a joint decision agreeable to both is developed.

* A man needs to understand that his power to influence his wife or children for good can only come through love, praise, and patience. It can never be brought about by force or coercion.

* Paul has counseled, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25)

* “The rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness. “That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man” (D&C 121:36–37)

* By persuasion. By long-suffering. By gentleness. By meekness. By love unfeigned. By kindness. By pure knowledge. Without hypocrisy. Without guile.

Bishop H. Burke Peterson, First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric Priesthood Session,
Saturday, April 3, 1976 Ensign, May 1976, 32

* May I also suggest to you that it is important for the brethren to develop the same concern for the training of girls as they have for the training of the priesthood boys.

* No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.

http://www.mormon.org/learn/0,8672,1461-1,00.html
Husbands and wives are equal partners

* The Apostle Paul taught that “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

* In marriage, as before God, men and women are equally important.

* Marriage gives neither partner the right to dominate or abuse the other. Rather, husband and wife should help each other as equal partners.

Being a Righteous Husband and Father Howard W. Hunter,
“Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 49

A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto. Of necessity there must be in the Church and in the home a presiding officer (see D&C 107:21). By divine appointment, the responsibility to preside in the home rests upon the priesthood holder (see Moses 4:22). The Lord intended that the wife be a helpmeet for man (meet means equal)—that is, a companion equal and necessary in full partnership. Presiding in righteousness necessitates a shared responsibility between husband and wife; together you act with knowledge and participation in all family matters. For a man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion.

First Presidency Message Fatherhood N. Eldon Tanner
“Fatherhood,” Ensign, June 1977, 2

Husbands, love your wives, honor and respect them. Praise them and hold them high in the estimate of your family. Always remember that they are not your chattels.

John A. Widtsoe, “I Have a Question,” Ensign, Apr. 1988, 50 John A. Widtsoe, a member of the Council of the Twelve from 1921 until his death in 1952.
(seems to be the wrong citation, but as cited at LDS.org)

* Church leaders have continually encouraged people to regard marriage as an equal partnership. President Spencer W. Kimball said:

“When we speak of marriage as a partnership, let us speak of marriage as a full partnership. We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners in that eternal assignment! Please be a contributing and full partner.” (Ensign, Nov. 1978, p. 106.)

* Barbara Smith, former general president of the Relief Society, draws an interesting parallel between some marriages and some small companies in which one partner owns the controlling stock and thus acts as the chief decision maker. In some cases, the unhappy result has been dissolution of the company.

* Sister Smith points out that “too many marriages use this model and do not utilize the strengths of either the husband or the wife. These marriages often end in unhappiness, a disaster for the entire family that was started with happiness and hope.

* “I suppose what I would like to see is my son and daughter-in-law as equal partners in their marriage relationship. Both would bring their assets and liabilities, their teachings, testimonies, educational and professional background, their healthy vibrant spirits, good bodies and minds, their evaluative understanding to help them recognize truth so they would ‘reason together’ and make the most of what each has to offer.

* “In that way they can learn to function as equal partners, both helping to make decisions with a clear, healthy vision of what each thinks and why, so they can come to a consensus of opinion cooperatively together. … They would then be prepared to fulfill their individual roles and function well together in their joint roles. When he speaks he will know that she will support him and that he can confidently speak for both of them. She will also feel free to express an opinion or make a commitment for both of them because she would know his feelings about their plans; they will be able to work together as one.” (The Love That Never Faileth, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1984, p. 109.)

* I believe strongly in a marriage of equals, where husband and wife make decisions together, with neither partner dictating to the other.

* Yet the family needs someone to preside, and the Lord has designated the father to fulfill that role. As the presiding officer, he may preside at family home evenings or family councils, call on family members to offer prayers or blessings or to present lessons. And if he holds the priesthood, the father may bless his wife and other family members. He may baptize and confirm his children and perform other priesthood ordinances on their behalf.

* Having one person designated as the presiding officer suggests order—not superiority. All important deliberations and decisions within the family should involve the husband and the wife equally, both interacting with gentleness and love unfeigned. In cases of disagreement, a couple is wise to wait until they can agree, rather than one pushing ahead with his or her own decision. Even the most pressing problems should be treated carefully, allowing enough time for tempers to cool and prayers to be offered.

* A man and a woman should each have an equal opportunity to resolve disagreements. It is not right for the man to think that, since he is “the head of the home,” his opinion is the right one. “The head of the home” can be wrong; yet many men endeavor to get what they want by pulling rank. In some cases, the woman is the one who insists that her view should always prevail, and the man, out of deference to her, complies. Insistence on the decision-making right is undesirable for either the man or the woman. The couple should discuss their differences, candidly consider the pros and cons, then make a decision both can live with.

* “If you are guilty of demeaning behavior toward your wife, if you are prone to dictate and exercise authority over her, if you are selfish and brutal in your actions in the home, then stop it! Repent!” (Cornerstones of a Happy Home, Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1984, p. 2.)

Doctrine and Covenants 121:36–37 [D&C 121:36–37] explicitly warns against such behavior:

I believe strongly that there is no place in God's system for dominion by authority, only for persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness,love unfeigned, kindness, pure knowledge, faithfulness, charity, and virtue except for situations so novel and untoward that God will give us direction and tell us. If God does not direct otherwise, what we have is a call to love and service, nothing more and certainly nothing less.

Vote for a post

My daughter's sacrament talk is up for a bloggernacle award for best post (she is listed as "ethesis' daughter).

Thanks!

Comments on engagement and marriage by the "Baron of Deseret" -- some thinking going on.

I have been asked: how could you have faith with all the pain and grief in the world? After all, there is unfairness and injustice everywhere to be seen.

That is true, yet when I consider the pain and grief in the world -- all the unfairness and injustice, I am brought to remember that although God is just, our God saves us [Isaiah 45:21] even when we have been unjust or unfair. The pain and the grief in the world is the burden God bears because of His mercy and patience. In spite of His justice and our sins, God is unceasing in His efforts to save and redeem us [Isaiah 40:28]. God shows great patience with us. However, just as the Holy One shows patience with us, so God shows patience with others who wrong or harm us.

Our part in this, according to the scriptures, is that only that as God has patience with us, so we should have patience with God [Psalm 130: 3-7].

Patience with God is essential in times of suffering, doubt and despair. Without patience we can not wait long enough. The world is unfair and as a result there will be suffering, doubt and despair -- both earned and unearned. In the mists of confusing darkness that plague us, we need to always hold on firmly to patience in God as if to an iron rod. By our patience we give God opportunity, in this life or the next, to redeem us from those things which plague us. Patience allows for the healing of our spirits.

To help us hold on to faith, God has given us commandments and scriptures to carry His word and for us to hold to. The Bible clearly warns that this life (by itself, without more) is unfair, that it is Christlike and acceptable to mourn or weep when we are afflicted, and that there is a consolation for those who suffer. The Bible says "blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

The Book of Job (in general) and Ecclesiastes 1:2-11; 9:11, are very specific. Life is unfair and harsh. That is the nature of a fallen world filled with those who are allowed to choose to sin. God is justified not by what happens in this life but by the fact that "God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good or whether it be evil" (Ecclesiastes 12:14)

Christ confirmed the Book of Job when he also noted that misfortune falls upon people without regard to sin or other "justification" acceptable to the natural man. As the scriptures reflect:

"And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him saying, Master, who did sin, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him." John 9:1-3

That is, misfortune often comes not because of the sins of our parents, or our own sins but because we live in a natural world. Misfortune comes because the natural world is full of trouble. God can allow the tribulations of the world to afflict us because God is able to, and intends through His works, to give us consolation and to restore us from the pain of the world. That is, though we fall and are bruised, though we are hurt and suffer, by God we shall be blessed and healed.

Just because God promises to heal us, God does not expect us to embrace trouble or to be glad when we are afflicted. Christ taught men to pray:

"And lead us not unto temptation, but deliver us from evil..." Matthew 6:13

The Greek term used for evil in that sermon also means tribulation or misfortune. There is absolutely nothing wrong in desiring to escape the natural man's tribulation or the natural world's misfortune and we are permitted (and encouraged) to pray that we might be delivered from the bitter cup of suffering to the extent that it is possible. [Note the example of Matthew 26:39.]

In this life is impossible for us to avoid misfortune. As long as we dwell within this fallen telestial world we will suffer pain and confusion. To help us, God has given us his word to provide patience and comfort. While we may suffer and know pain, it is the intent of God that we have hope.

I have a lot of non-LDS friends. Recently, I recommended http://feministmormonhousewives.blogspot.com/ to one. It was gratifying to get back a thank you note.

There is a lot of just good, solid, hopeful thinking that seems to flow well. Things that cause me to stretch and reflect and wonder and improve. I need those things because I need things that do more than just agree with me. I can stand in an empty room any time I feel like it, but to have my mind challenged, improved and expanded -- to learn and find more light and knowledge, that is life in many ways.

So, one more recommendation, one more blog added to the list of those I link to.

Courtney Elizabeth Marsh died today, December 26, 1993. I miss her terribly.

http://adrr.com/living/courtney.htm

As we learn to feel again, the feelings of loss are stronger along with everything else. Usually feeling is good, but on a day like today, it is so mixed. It used to be a dark tunnel, from December 24 to about February 18. Now it isn't a tunnel, but it is not everything the season should be either. Nor is the Fourth of July or Labor Day.

But, I love my wife and the two children who are in our lives now, very much. In many ways we are so blessed. As one ICU nurse said, with feeling "you are so lucky." In all the pain, there is a great deal of joy as well.

I don't know, dealing with emotion is so hard, though it changes every year as we reach another stage.

Christmas 2004 -- might as well share our Christmas letter for this year. This is mostly my wife's voice and writing, btw.

Dear Friends and Family,

This has been another busy year for us. Busy, but good in all ways. I love being able to write that. It makes me feel so blessed.

Steve is still an attorney with Travelers. They merged with St. Paul to become St. Paul Travelers, so his office has increased workload and staff. More increased workload than staff, but they are recruiting so that ratio should change soon.

Win is still working at Methodist doing anesthesia. She has been freelancing a bit at a surgery center and feels that most weeks she has a pretty good balance between work and family. She tries to work just one night and a twenty-four hour shift each week. Most weeks she fails at keeping work at a minimum. She is still involved in the liver transplant program but is trying to ease back a bit.

Heather passed that milestone of turning sixteen and she waited all the way until 5:00 a.m. that morning to have her first date. She is driving Steve’s old Volvo and thrilled to have it. She continues in ROTC and remains crazy about horses. She is taking a tough load of classes at school. Physics in particular has been a struggle for her. We keep telling her that it is “good” for her.

Rachel is just turning five this month. She reads and writes. She draws funny stick figures and labels the pictures “Heather and her boyfriend.” She is accident prone. We have made enough trips to the ER that Rachel knows exactly where triage is. She likes to go to radiology and knows how to hold very still for CT scans. Rachel likes to meet new people. She knows how to work a crowd in a manner that would impress even a seasoned politician

We tore out all the tile and carpet throughout the house. We put in huge tiles in the front areas that were a pain to lug into the house. They look great, but were miserable to install. We did wood planking in the back of the house. We hope it will be somewhat Rachel-proof. Then; because there wasn’t enough chaos in our lives, we gutted the kitchen last Spring. We moved walls, replaced windows, and added a gas line for an industrial range. The cabinets were delayed almost 4 weeks, and then one cabinet didn’t show up. It took 6 weeks for that last cabinet to be made and shipped. Add load bearing wall complications and workmen that promise “tomorrow.” We found tomorrow means “at least two weeks.”

We were down to a hotplate and a microwave for 4 months. We knew it was getting bad when the local takeout places knew us and our children on a first name basis. The McDonald’s guy knew the sound of our voices over the speaker at the drive-thru window. Honestly, looking back at the process, we should have just moved

We have been poor correspondents this year – even worse than usual. It seems like we have just been juggling too many projects in too many areas of our lives. That really is no excuse for not writing – but it is the only excuse I have.

We hope all is well with you. We are so grateful for the wonderful people we had had the opportunity to have in our lives. Bless you and thank you for enriching our lives.

Love,

One thing that struck me twenty years ago as I was reading what were then "old" sermons was the constant thread of sermons on the equality of women. Things like "this is going to surprise many of you, but your wives are not your property, they are your equal partners" and such. At the same time, the people hearing those sermons were completely oblivious to the message.

Part of it was a gap in metaphor (so many of the speakers had been businessmen and spoke using partnerships as their metaphor, the listeners were college students and working men).

The same with "neither black nor white" in God. There were things said about racial equality that people blatantly missed.

I would read those threads and wonder what things are we being told that we are missing but that later generations will take for granted as the truth and look at us askance?

The emerging debate about adults who have gained freedom at the expense of their children is an interesting one. I look at it and wonder how much of that will be considered true in twenty years (vs. how much will be rejected).

Theology as it evolves is fascinating, both from the threads that weave together, and those that do not.

Rachel had a fall, followed by vomit episodes. A CT scan, a little time, everything is ok, but quite the scare, especially with a hospital visit over a holiday.

She has been doing so well. Reading at a second grade level -- not bad for a four year old. But she holds our hearts, all of us. She enjoyed the hospital visit and I'm glad for good insurance and small deductible payments.

Family means more to me than anything.

I've been working on a post about the two law professors who affected me the most, when I ran across the essay at: http://inmedias.blogspot.com/2004/11/thrill-of-family-life.html and I just had to link ot it.

It captures so well the feeling of family and love and care that really is what a family is all about.

In addition, an interesting blog that is touching on some of those thoughts and feelings is: http://fowlesview2.blogspot.com/ (at least in the recent posts).

"Real, genuine charity is giving love and sympathy ..."

From Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant, Chapter 16, which moved me:

And he said: “Do you know why I wrote that letter?”

I said: “No, sir.”

“Well I wrote it, just so you and some of the younger members of the apostles would learn the lesson that forgiveness is in advance of justice, where there is repentance, and that to have in your heart the spirit of forgiveness and to eliminate from your hearts the spirit of hatred and bitterness, brings peace and joy; that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings joy, peace and happiness to every soul that lives it and follows its teachings.”

And so he went on. I cannot remember all of the teachings, but he continued in this way, telling me that he could never have given me that experience, that he could not give to me a testimony of the gospel; that I must receive that testimony for myself; that I must have the right spirit come into my heart and feel it—the spirit of forgiveness, the spirit of long-suffering and charity—before there would any good come to me as an individual; that by simply surrendering my will to his, and voting to baptize this man, I would never have learned the lesson that the spirit of joy and peace comes in the hour of forgiveness, and when our hearts are full of charity and long-suffering to those who have made mistakes. From that day to this I have remembered those teachings.

The Prophet of the Lord [President Taylor] said:

“My boy, never forget that when you are in the line of your duty your heart will be full of love and forgiveness, even for the repentant sinner, and that when you get out of that straight line of duty and have the determination that what you think is justice and what you think is equity and right should prevail, you ofttimes are anything but happy. You can know the difference between the Spirit of the Lord and the spirit of the adversary, when you find that you are happy and contented, that you love your fellows, that you are anxious for their welfare; and you can tell that you do not have that Spirit when you are full of animosity and feel that you would like to knock somebody down.”

....

I am reminded of one of the finest chapters in all the Bible (1 Cor. 13):

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

“And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

“And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

“Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

“Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth:

“Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

“Charity never faileth; but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

“For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

“But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face; now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

“And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”

Many people imagine that charity is giving a dollar to somebody; but real, genuine charity is giving love and sympathy, and that is the kind of charity that the apostle had reference to in this 13th chapter of First Corinthians.

I remember that after that teaching given to me as a young man, as a boy, almost, by the President of the Church, I read this chapter about once a week for quite a while, then once a month for several months. I thought I needed it in my business, so to speak; that it was one of the things that were necessary for my advancement.
Rather than condemn others, we should strive to improve ourselves.

I remember that a year ago, here at the conference, I read a very splendid and wonderful song, the half of the first verse of which reads as follows:

Let each man learn to know himself,
To gain that knowledge let him labor,
Improve those failings in himself
That he condemns so in his neighbor.
[See “Let Each Man Learn to Know Himself,” Hymns (1948), no. 91]

… I also quoted the four short verses from our hymn [titled “Should You Feel Inclined to Censure”], a part of which reads as follows:

Should you feel inclined to censure
Faults you may in others view,
Ask your own heart, ere you venture,
If that has not failings too.
[See Hymns (1985), no. 235]

I had not the slightest idea when I quoted these poems, that I would desire to quote from them again today; but in view of the condemnation and the spirit, almost, of animosity, and hate that seems to be manifested by some people among the Latter-day Saints, at the present time, regarding business and political affairs, I desire to emphasize, with all the power of my being, the last verse of that little hymn … :

Do not form opinions blindly,
Hastiness to trouble tends,
Those of whom we thought unkindly
Oft become our warmest friends.
[See Hymns (1985), no. 235]. …

I desire to repeat the last verse of [an] excellent hymn, which I learned thirty-five or forty years ago, when Francis M. Lyman [of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles] first sang it for me. I wrote it that very night, and learned it the next day. I would like every Latter-day Saint to apply the teachings of this splendid verse in his or her life, and if we do that I believe we will grow in love and charity; that the spirit of peace and happiness, that President Taylor promised me when I entertained the feeling of determination to keep a man out of the Church, and the spirit of joy and peace which came to me, after the change of heart, will come to Latter-day Saints:

And in self-judgment, if you find
Your deeds to others’ are superior,
To you has Providence been kind,
As you should be to those inferior.
Example sheds a genial ray
Of light, which men are apt to borrow,
So first improve yourself today
And then improve your friends tomorrow.
[See Hymns (1948), no. 91]. …

Such a wonderful sermon, one that touches my heart and hopes.

I was asked to speak in Sacrament meeting. The following is the part of my talk I got written down. The rest I did to fit the time available in Church.

In Matthew 5:48, Christ says: “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”

The word for ‘perfect’ in the Bible is Teles or Teleos, a word meaning complete, finished or fully developed. It is also a word used to describe one who has been through an endowment or initiation, one who is married and one who is fully adult. Looking at just the word ‘perfect’ can leave one confused as to what Christ meant and just exactly what he wanted us to do.

Because Christ wanted us to act, to do, to use his words and to find meaning, my talk today is on one small part of what Christ intended us to do when he told us to “Be ye therefore perfect.”

A good place to start is Luke 6:36 where Luke records the same sermon in a slightly different way. Luke records “Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father is also merciful.” The then follows up with “forgive and ye shall be forgiven” (at 37).

Matthew also reprises this theme when he records Jesus as saying “But go ye and learn what that meaneth: ‘I will have mercy and not sacrifice.’” (Matthew 9:13).

It appears that an important part of what Christ wants us to learn, and to learn how to do, is to have mercy. That in commanding us to “be perfect” he is telling us to learn what mercy is.

But the real question is what does that really mean and what should we really do? Everyone knows, for example, that “be reverent” doesn’t mean much without more. That “to be reverent” is more than just another way to say “be quiet” and that the reason we are reverent helps us understand what we are to do on the inside as well as the outside.

The same process applies to that small part of being perfect that is being merciful. To understand the ‘why’ of being merciful as a part of being perfect, I look to two scriptures.

The first is D&C 64:9: “Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another, for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.”

The second is D&C 86:5 “Behold, verily I say unto you, the angels are crying unto the Lord day and night, who are ready and waiting to be sent forth to reap down the fields.”

Have you ever wondered how it can possibly be worse not to forgive someone than to be the one whose unrepented sins have provoked anger? What does that say about the mortal and the eternal worlds, about justice and mercy and us?

And what does it say about our world that the angels would just as soon see the day of judgment come without regards to giving any of us time to repent and be found with the wheat instead of the tares. It is Christ who says to wait.

How and why we should be better than the angels and become like Christ is what my talk is about.


I've been thinking a lot about this topic, about what it means to be children of God (rather than the assumption that once we are grown up we are adults in God) and a number of related topics.

Philosphy and theology from an exploring and learning view are at the heart of a website I found and added to my links.

http://www.libertypages.com/clark/ is a link I've added to my links -- a Philosophy and Theology site. I almost had a minor in philosophy, but I had one of those little accidents where you fulfill all the requirements of graduation and get a notice in the mail that your time in school is over -- a semester early. Minors didn't count to the computer.

I've followed the area since, with interest.

"Beowulf writers and Dante writers appear to have the same job, but in fact there is a quite radical difference between them ..." and Neal Stephenson explains the difference at:

http://interviews.slashdot.org/interviews/04/10/20/1518217.shtml