Courtney Elizabeth Marsh died today, December 26, 1993. I miss her terribly.
As we learn to feel again, the feelings of loss are stronger along with everything else. Usually feeling is good, but on a day like today, it is so mixed. It used to be a dark tunnel, from December 24 to about February 18. Now it isn't a tunnel, but it is not everything the season should be either. Nor is the Fourth of July or Labor Day.
But, I love my wife and the two children who are in our lives now, very much. In many ways we are so blessed. As one ICU nurse said, with feeling "you are so lucky." In all the pain, there is a great deal of joy as well.
I don't know, dealing with emotion is so hard, though it changes every year as we reach another stage.
BTW, here is the original rough draft of the Christmas letter.
December 7, 2004
Dear Friends and Family,
It has been an interesting year. At least our four and a half month stint of washing dishes in the bathtub is over. Never, let them fire your salesperson after he sells you your kitchen cabinets. And never, ever, let someone talk you into taking the existing cabinets out a couple weeks early in anticipation of when the new ones are supposed to arrive.
On the other hand, all the old tile and carpet are out, the kitchen has been completely redone top to bottom, and we are enjoying the new kitchen. Even more since we were burglarized and they took off with the microwave we couldn’t figure out how to get rid of. The burglars were caught, though our stolen stuff was long gone and we finally replaced the microwave and the vacuum cleaner.
Rachel has started reading and writing, we aren’t quite sure how, and turns five on the 21st of December. She is on much too good of terms with the local emergency room, but is healthy and happy this week. Heather started dating at 5:00 a.m. the day she turned sixteen and hasn’t gotten up that early since. She’s lucky that her Seminary class starts at 7:00 in the morning.
Win continues to be on call for liver transplants and has done the anesthesia for a number of them. A little here, a little there, pretty soon she’s done sixty or more hours in a week. Steve only feels like he is working that hard, though he is in double digits for zeros at work again, so he is very happy.
We spent most of the year working on the house. All of the carpet had to be replaced – with wood planking and we put tile in the front room, dining room, entry, kitchen and all. The house probably has its final interior color and the third bathroom probably has its final choice of wallpaper. We have one bathroom left to go, but the house is completely revitalized.
Guess the more things change, the more they stay the same, as does our appreciation for everyone in our lives.That might have made a better post than thinking about Courtney, but she was in my heart.
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