Showing posts with label tos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tos. Show all posts
Friday, July 23, 2010
Enabling comment moderation
I hate to do this, but the spam comments from Chinese child p-rn sites has gotten too heavy. I can't think of another solution, so I've now enabled comment moderation. My apologies to anyone whose comments get delayed.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The dog food story
Everyone has heard the story about the little girl who was given a present and when she opened it up it turned out to be dog food. Lots of different points are made from it. Just realized my dear child had gone through that (except in her case the girls at her school just gave her an empty box -- they were too cheap to buy a can of dog food to put in it).
My youngest lives with Tourette's. She also lives with kids in her school who are both jealous and intolerant of her. There is a parent on our block who just thinks if we beat her she would get over it. Others think she is being spoiled because she is so bright. The teachers are wonderful, though taxed, and their kindness makes kids who are not as smart more jealous and more upset (though I obviously would prefer that they be kind to my daughter than not).
It helps that my daughter is kind. When others do not understand, she helps tutor them. If someone falls, she rushes to help them up. She shares what she has. She is extremely cheerful and very bright.
But she has the OCD, extreme ADD and is hyperkinetic as well as the rest of what Tourette's implies. She is lucky in that it appears that much of it will resolve with age, and for the rest, we keep trying different blends of medication and treatment. Unfortunately, what helps with one problem makes the rest worse. Somethings just make everything worse. Every time she ages a little, the blend that works right for her changes.
I talk with parents whose children have had multiple in-patient stays. I know my situation is not as demanding, heartbreaking or painful as theirs. But, it is my situation, and more, it is my dear daughter's life.
And to find out last week that it was replicating stories I hear in church, and from the harsh end of the story, that was difficult, even more so when someone told the story again this Sunday in a talk. A very good talk, mind you, but still, it made me think of my daughter.
It is hard to tell if I'm happier that the box was empty or not. I just feel so helpless. It would be easy to teach her to respond to every slight and hurtful encounter with "You are just stupid and jealous, get over it lamesauce." She could do that and it would insulate her some. They would not hate her any more than they do now.
But, it would change my kind, sweet daughter into someone else, someone who says those things. I don't want to lose her to that kind of person either. But to have her day after day, week after week, month after month beg for a place to hide from the other kids, always respond to questions about her day with pain as to any social interaction (though she is excited when she learns something new, she got far enough ahead on her own they talked with us about skipping her ahead another grade), I feel like I'm failing her.
I'm glad she was able to go to camp, and be in a place where no one stared, no one hated.
To quote from the essay at the second link (way down the page, that is why I'm quoting):
Those moments come so seldomly. Much too seldom.
My youngest lives with Tourette's. She also lives with kids in her school who are both jealous and intolerant of her. There is a parent on our block who just thinks if we beat her she would get over it. Others think she is being spoiled because she is so bright. The teachers are wonderful, though taxed, and their kindness makes kids who are not as smart more jealous and more upset (though I obviously would prefer that they be kind to my daughter than not).
It helps that my daughter is kind. When others do not understand, she helps tutor them. If someone falls, she rushes to help them up. She shares what she has. She is extremely cheerful and very bright.
But she has the OCD, extreme ADD and is hyperkinetic as well as the rest of what Tourette's implies. She is lucky in that it appears that much of it will resolve with age, and for the rest, we keep trying different blends of medication and treatment. Unfortunately, what helps with one problem makes the rest worse. Somethings just make everything worse. Every time she ages a little, the blend that works right for her changes.
I talk with parents whose children have had multiple in-patient stays. I know my situation is not as demanding, heartbreaking or painful as theirs. But, it is my situation, and more, it is my dear daughter's life.
And to find out last week that it was replicating stories I hear in church, and from the harsh end of the story, that was difficult, even more so when someone told the story again this Sunday in a talk. A very good talk, mind you, but still, it made me think of my daughter.
It is hard to tell if I'm happier that the box was empty or not. I just feel so helpless. It would be easy to teach her to respond to every slight and hurtful encounter with "You are just stupid and jealous, get over it lamesauce." She could do that and it would insulate her some. They would not hate her any more than they do now.
But, it would change my kind, sweet daughter into someone else, someone who says those things. I don't want to lose her to that kind of person either. But to have her day after day, week after week, month after month beg for a place to hide from the other kids, always respond to questions about her day with pain as to any social interaction (though she is excited when she learns something new, she got far enough ahead on her own they talked with us about skipping her ahead another grade), I feel like I'm failing her.
I'm glad she was able to go to camp, and be in a place where no one stared, no one hated.
To quote from the essay at the second link (way down the page, that is why I'm quoting):
Good Evening. My name is Joshua Perez. I am 12 years old from San Antonio. I am the face of Tourette's. I was diagnosed 3 years ago. Having Tourette's is very difficult every minute of the day. People don't understand, they stare and make nasty comments. Tourette Camp is very important to me. I can tic and no one stares. I have friends from the support group that go to camp with me. I make friends while I am there. 58 more days until camp. Thank you very much for coming tonight and helping Tourette of Texas. I am Joshua Perez, the face of Tourette's.
Those moments come so seldomly. Much too seldom.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Assume Good Intent
There are two important life lessons that are often in conflict. The first is "not everyone wishes you well." The second is "assume good intent." So very often we have failed to teach, and to learn ourselves, that we should assume good intent on the part of our children, our parents, and most of all, our spouse.
Our bad habits, our compulsive disorders and our addictions are all a part of us, not an evil demon riding us. More so, they are a part of us that is not hostile to us and they are not our enemy. They are a part of us that strives to help us as strongly as they can.
The problem is that they are misguided int heir efforts, which is go terribly awry. That is why our weaknesses can become strengths. It is also why recovery from our issues needs to be spiritual, not just physical, to heal that loss of perception and that misguidance that causes us to be self destructive from forces within us that are trying to help us with all their misdirected might.
Recovery, recognition and transformation redirect our mistakes to positive channles where they strengthen us rathr than destroy us (note Ether 12:27). If we have the humility to surrender to God and seek help from a power greater than ourselves, and can do so with honesty, we can find the transcendence we need. We do not lose ourselves, we do not finally free our souls from destructive demons that are riding us; we regain our self. All of it, this time all pulling in the same direction with the same vision.
Last week was my 25th wedding anniversary and the 17th anniversary of Jessica's death. I had some vacation time, but ended up having to go into the office for two days that I had scheduled off that week. Win was sick (but modern antibiotics are a wonderful thing), so all in all it is probably all for the best that our travel plans fell through.
What surprises me is just just how joyful I felt in the week.
On facebook.
Our bad habits, our compulsive disorders and our addictions are all a part of us, not an evil demon riding us. More so, they are a part of us that is not hostile to us and they are not our enemy. They are a part of us that strives to help us as strongly as they can.
The problem is that they are misguided int heir efforts, which is go terribly awry. That is why our weaknesses can become strengths. It is also why recovery from our issues needs to be spiritual, not just physical, to heal that loss of perception and that misguidance that causes us to be self destructive from forces within us that are trying to help us with all their misdirected might.
Recovery, recognition and transformation redirect our mistakes to positive channles where they strengthen us rathr than destroy us (note Ether 12:27). If we have the humility to surrender to God and seek help from a power greater than ourselves, and can do so with honesty, we can find the transcendence we need. We do not lose ourselves, we do not finally free our souls from destructive demons that are riding us; we regain our self. All of it, this time all pulling in the same direction with the same vision.
Last week was my 25th wedding anniversary and the 17th anniversary of Jessica's death. I had some vacation time, but ended up having to go into the office for two days that I had scheduled off that week. Win was sick (but modern antibiotics are a wonderful thing), so all in all it is probably all for the best that our travel plans fell through.
What surprises me is just just how joyful I felt in the week.
On facebook.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Shut down by spam ... arghhh
I own a domain, adrr.com. I've had it a long time, my e-mail used to route through it. Sigh. Not any more.
Because it is a four letter domain, it is on the list to get spam -- lots of spam, tens of thousands of spam a day -- all of it sent to e-mail addresses that don't exist, but might. Enough that my hosting service had to shut down my e-mail server and briefly had the domain itself shut down.
Many four letter domains are worth a lot, a couple hundred thousand dollars or more. Mine isn't (not to mention, if it were, I'd probably sell it and move everything to srmarsh.com where I keep my slow moving negotiation blog -- having a four letter domain isn't that important to me). Many generate a lot of revenue. Mine doesn't, http://adrr.com/living/, for example, just doesn't have much commercial cachet.
As a result, the "solutions" that cost "only" fifty or a hundred dollars a month just were not reasonable.
But if you've wondered where I've been, I've been "snowed" under, so-to-speak, by spam.
If I could reach back and actually touch them, I'd arbitrate and then collect under the terms of service. Anyway, that is where I have been.
Because it is a four letter domain, it is on the list to get spam -- lots of spam, tens of thousands of spam a day -- all of it sent to e-mail addresses that don't exist, but might. Enough that my hosting service had to shut down my e-mail server and briefly had the domain itself shut down.
Many four letter domains are worth a lot, a couple hundred thousand dollars or more. Mine isn't (not to mention, if it were, I'd probably sell it and move everything to srmarsh.com where I keep my slow moving negotiation blog -- having a four letter domain isn't that important to me). Many generate a lot of revenue. Mine doesn't, http://adrr.com/living/, for example, just doesn't have much commercial cachet.
As a result, the "solutions" that cost "only" fifty or a hundred dollars a month just were not reasonable.
But if you've wondered where I've been, I've been "snowed" under, so-to-speak, by spam.
If I could reach back and actually touch them, I'd arbitrate and then collect under the terms of service. Anyway, that is where I have been.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Diet, etc.
Speaking of SLD and the Shangri-la Diet, I did have someone post and ask how I could state that the diet was boring. It is. I find a time, once a day, and drink two ounces of extra light olive oil. There is none of the stress, effort, willpower, thought or anything else that goes into a "normal" or "typical" diet. It is more like drinking a glass of water every day eventually becomes a routine that is boring to talk about.
Still, I've been down 70-75 pounds since June or July of last year. That is amazing and wonderful, but the diet itself is boring by now.
I also got a warning that one of my SLD links had given way to link rot. http://davidshangriladiet.blogspot.com/ -- David's Shangri-La Diet Saga -- has link rot in the worst way. I'm taking the link down and would advise you not to enter the url by hand.
I'd click on the "report" button, but the site forwards immediately and blocks that. If anyone knows how to report that sort of thing, I'd be grateful. Guess I can just kill the link, though it is a good reason not to just kill your blog -- people will take the url over for purposes like that. I thought it was bad enough when an LDS blog was replaced by a calling card advertisement. An autoforward to a porn site is a lot worse thing to have happen to your blog -- and pretty typical it seems for any blog that is taken down. Someone else signs up the url and uses it for advertising purposes.
Still, I've been down 70-75 pounds since June or July of last year. That is amazing and wonderful, but the diet itself is boring by now.
I also got a warning that one of my SLD links had given way to link rot. http://davidshangriladiet.blogspot.com/ -- David's Shangri-La Diet Saga -- has link rot in the worst way. I'm taking the link down and would advise you not to enter the url by hand.
I'd click on the "report" button, but the site forwards immediately and blocks that. If anyone knows how to report that sort of thing, I'd be grateful. Guess I can just kill the link, though it is a good reason not to just kill your blog -- people will take the url over for purposes like that. I thought it was bad enough when an LDS blog was replaced by a calling card advertisement. An autoforward to a porn site is a lot worse thing to have happen to your blog -- and pretty typical it seems for any blog that is taken down. Someone else signs up the url and uses it for advertising purposes.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
It is my fault, but could you help me
So often in our relationships we need to say "It is my fault, but could you help me" so that people do not hear the message "I've got a problem and I'm blaming you" when we ask for their help. I learned that lesson about things I'd lost. If I just said "my gloves are lost, if you see, them, let me know" the message that was received, somehow, is "you lost my gloves."
That isn't what I wanted to communicate. But if I say "I managed to lose my gloves and haven't found them yet. If you come across them, wherever it was that I managed to leave them, let me know, I'd really appreciate it" I've given the message that
That isn't what I wanted to communicate. But if I say "I managed to lose my gloves and haven't found them yet. If you come across them, wherever it was that I managed to leave them, let me know, I'd really appreciate it" I've given the message that
- I know that losing my gloves is my fault; and,
- I don't expect you to go looking for them, but if you notice them, know they are lost or misplaced, not left in some foolish place on purpose.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
So, how are we doing ...
Well, other than wanting to see more friends more often (things get so busy), this is probably the best Christmas we've had. Now, if we can only catch up with the Greens (and my thanks to the people who sent me the phone number for Billy Joe -- your e-mail address bounced when I sent a thank you note to you, but I had a great talk with him and he gave me Bob Smith's number to [I think, I had the strangest dream and woke up with Bob Smith's number on my telephone's saved number list]).
Our Christmas letter follows. I think we got them all mailed (they were in the kitchen when we had our fire, and I still worry ...).
That was our family Christmas letter. I got Win to approve it when she was very tired, later, on reading it again, she laughed when she realized I was talking about her being perfect and gorgeous, then realized I had sent that out to everyone we sent cards to (though we lost too many addresses in a PDA crash and the fire).
I'm so grateful to have gotten through a Christmas without the memories overwhelming us or another tragedy striking and to have a living, happy seven-year-old in the house, and Heather home for the holidays.
Another blog by a parent in grief. http://barbtries.blogspot.com/
Our Christmas letter follows. I think we got them all mailed (they were in the kitchen when we had our fire, and I still worry ...).
*
Heather
at
man. He lost 75 pounds. In Judo too. His
a house and started major renovations. Win still doing
chairs Ward Activity Committee. Girl Scout Leader. Very Tired
Perfect
&
gorgeous.
That was our family Christmas letter. I got Win to approve it when she was very tired, later, on reading it again, she laughed when she realized I was talking about her being perfect and gorgeous, then realized I had sent that out to everyone we sent cards to (though we lost too many addresses in a PDA crash and the fire).
I'm so grateful to have gotten through a Christmas without the memories overwhelming us or another tragedy striking and to have a living, happy seven-year-old in the house, and Heather home for the holidays.
Another blog by a parent in grief. http://barbtries.blogspot.com/
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Only girl in the chess tournament, youngest too.
Rachel went to her first chess tournament. She was the only first grader from her school, the only girl at the tournament. Small, just three schools teams (I think, may have been four), Swiss style tournament. She came in sixth place and her team took first place.
I'm pleased as punch, to use the old saying, and it was a great day. I had to skip a test for Judo, but Rachel is more important. I'll have next year, but this was her only chance to be the only six year old in a chess tournament, her first, and to bring home a trophy (different trophies for sixth through first place).
I'm pleased as punch, to use the old saying, and it was a great day. I had to skip a test for Judo, but Rachel is more important. I'll have next year, but this was her only chance to be the only six year old in a chess tournament, her first, and to bring home a trophy (different trophies for sixth through first place).
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Normal does not equal desirable. Or even survivable.
Normal does not equal desirable. Or even survivable.
That is a great line. So many things in grief are "normal" and yet so many people do not survive them.
God bless all of you, each and every one. May normal for you be desirable, and may the season bring you joy.
That is a great line. So many things in grief are "normal" and yet so many people do not survive them.
God bless all of you, each and every one. May normal for you be desirable, and may the season bring you joy.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Rachel, I think that's cheating ...
Though darn inventive ...
My six-year-old created an alphabet code (one where you replace letters with various numbers). Nothing big, except she invented the idea herself. She then wrote a message in her code.
My wife asked her what she was writing. "The difficult spelling words." Yes, she planned to remember the complete code and translate from the numbers back to words for the difficult first grade spelling words ...
We broke it to her that her plan was probably cheating, not to mention harder than just learning the words (her code wasn't strictly alphabetical and did not include all the letters, only the ones in the words and a few more that she really likes).
Creative little kid though. I sure do love her.
My six-year-old created an alphabet code (one where you replace letters with various numbers). Nothing big, except she invented the idea herself. She then wrote a message in her code.
My wife asked her what she was writing. "The difficult spelling words." Yes, she planned to remember the complete code and translate from the numbers back to words for the difficult first grade spelling words ...
We broke it to her that her plan was probably cheating, not to mention harder than just learning the words (her code wasn't strictly alphabetical and did not include all the letters, only the ones in the words and a few more that she really likes).
Creative little kid though. I sure do love her.
Rhythms of Communication: The Universal Language
There are certain communication patterns that are hardwired into human infants. Every child, well before they can speak, if they can hear, speaks the universal rhythms.
When the angel appeared to the shepherds, I wonder what rhythm he or she spoke "Fear not" to -- Angels say that so often it must be universal too.
- The pattern of encouragement ("good boy, yeah");
- The staccato "no, no, no" pattern;
- The comforting rhythm ("oooh");
- The happy "look at that honey" pattern; and,
- "Watch out" or beware.
When the angel appeared to the shepherds, I wonder what rhythm he or she spoke "Fear not" to -- Angels say that so often it must be universal too.
December Morning ...
Memories haunt me in December. Intensely sometimes, not at others, all the more so with a six-year-old in my life again. With any luck, this December will pass and the echoes will pass with it.
I often save things to read for times like this. One thing I saved was an oral history of Philip M. Flammer, a professor I dearly enjoyed when I was younger. It did not fail me, and I really enjoyed it (you can too, as a call to BYU can get you a photocopy of Richard Poll's interview of Philip Flammer in the Joint Oral History Project).
I'd still like to find him (I got the history trying to find him through BYU just after he retired) to tell him just how much I appreciate things he taught me that stayed with me through my life.
Even in this December.
I often save things to read for times like this. One thing I saved was an oral history of Philip M. Flammer, a professor I dearly enjoyed when I was younger. It did not fail me, and I really enjoyed it (you can too, as a call to BYU can get you a photocopy of Richard Poll's interview of Philip Flammer in the Joint Oral History Project).
I'd still like to find him (I got the history trying to find him through BYU just after he retired) to tell him just how much I appreciate things he taught me that stayed with me through my life.
Even in this December.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
misc.
 |
| The Shangri-La Diet by Seth Roberts (Hardcover - April 25, 2006) |
| Buy new: $13.57 Used & new from $9.00 |
Shangri-la Diet Supplements:
Ok, I haven't the slightest idea of how to make this work correctly. What I'm trying to do is post links to some grapeseed oil, some protein powder (if you can't find a Whole Foods or a Central Market in your area), and nose plugs.
Thought I'd toss in the camera I use and the camcorder I just bought in case anyone was curious.
I'm back dating this so it doesn't get in the way of posts that might interest someone or be useful. So no, you didn't miss this post, I just buried it.
If anyone has a good on-line source for extra-light olive oil, be sure to let me know. The source I had quit shipping, though I find that I can buy it just fine at SAMS or COSTCO.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Coherent writing on grief, good ideas.
Suzette Haden Elgin wrote the following in an essay on grief and other things. She said it so much better than I could have:
Read the whole thing. It left me inarticulate, but it is so very well written, as are many of the comments.
For something completely different, yet on the same theme, if you feel overwhelmed in the holiday season, try a fondue meal for Thanksgiving or Christmas (kind of like we do Chinese food for Christmas Eve).
We do group meals with friends, but if you can't cope with having other people, try fondue.
Naiah has a great essay on how to do it: Our fondue Thanksgiving
Well worth considering.
Last night I read Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking, the book she wrote after the sudden death of her husband. Not an obvious good choice for someone like me, in whose extended family there has been so much sudden death; still, I have always enjoyed Didion's books and I wanted to read this one. And it turned out to be a good thing, because she wrote about something that I haven't seen written about before -- it may be a staple of memoirs, for all I know, but I haven't seen it before -- something that it did me good to read. Which brings me to this post. "On most surface levels I seemed rational," Didion says on page 42, but she explains at length and in detail, over the course of many chapters, that she was in fact not rational at all, she was just going through the motions of being rational while being quite mad.
This got my attention because it is precisely what was true of me when my first husband -- Peter Haden -- died suddenly and without warning at age 29. I went through the motions of being rational while being quite mad. Over the years since then I've wondered now and then why somebody didn't notice what was happening and take some sort of action to look after me; reading Didion, I suppose that it must have been because "on most surface levels I seemed rational."
Read the whole thing. It left me inarticulate, but it is so very well written, as are many of the comments.
For something completely different, yet on the same theme, if you feel overwhelmed in the holiday season, try a fondue meal for Thanksgiving or Christmas (kind of like we do Chinese food for Christmas Eve).
We do group meals with friends, but if you can't cope with having other people, try fondue.
Naiah has a great essay on how to do it: Our fondue Thanksgiving
Well worth considering.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Shangri-la Diet after one year and 70+ pounds
It has been interesting.
I've collected posts under this label.
But, if you are interested in trying the diet, here is my best advice:
(60 customer reviews)
For more, visit the forums, starting here: Re: What have you learned from the forums? (part 2)
Best wishes, Stephen.
I've collected posts under this label.
But, if you are interested in trying the diet, here is my best advice:
- Starting (or starting over) the SLD method (the first two months)
- Shangri-la Diet: moving on to months three and four
- Shangri-la Diet: Months Five and Six
- Plateaus are not failure (they happen regularly, then you lose more weight)
- Problems with the Shangri-la Diet? -- Solutions
- What if the Shangri-la Diet doesn't work for you?
- What I eat on the Shangri-la Diet
- Who I am, why I blog, the Shangri-la Diet and Me
- Interview with Seth Roberts (author of the Shangri-la Diet)
- Shangri-la Diet, maintenance -- keeping it off once you've lost the weight
|
(60 customer reviews) | List Price: | $19.95 |
| Price: | $13.57 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. Details |
| You Save: | $6.38 (32%) |
For more, visit the forums, starting here: Re: What have you learned from the forums? (part 2)
Best wishes, Stephen.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Joy, Hope, Faith at the end of random thoughts
The South has a beautiful climate and rich soil, but slavery ruins any soil -- Brigham YoungMade me think that may be why (in part) the South is so wonderful now, because slavery is so far behind. It really is great to live in Texas.
How a parent discovered that her child was not being taught math properly in school:
"When my oldest child, an A-plus stellar student, was in sixth grade, I realized he had no idea, no idea at all, how to do long division. ... so I went to school and talked to the teacher, who said, 'We don't teach long division; it stifles their creativity.' -- The New York TimesCritical Mass
Most jobs suck at least as badly as taking care of (your own) home and children. There are a lot more bookkeepers and factory workers in the world than there are economics correspondents for international newspapers.Asymmetrical Information
My own grandmother used to go pick up the mail driving a ponycart pulled by a matched pair of young deer from her father's deer park.Ozarque ... and Ozarque
... and Ozarque
Do I agree with any of the above quotes or thoughts? I don't know, just that they are thoughts that give my reflection. I take joy in the time I spend caring for my own children and am thankful, among so many things, to have two of them home for Thanksgiving.
I was reading the first true "current grief" blog I've run into ( http://Marysangel.blogspot.com / see also an entry at another blog ), and realized how grateful I am to be able to fit more into my life than grief and to know, day to day, joy, hope and faith.
This day, in the midst of everything, I am grateful and thankful.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Stereotype deficit, my Aunt Mary, etc.
I grew up without stereotypes. My grandfather quit his first church over his pastor joining the KKK and that kind of attitude just kind of kept in the family.
That came up again when someone was talking about crazy Irish Catholics. I've got an Irish Catholic Aunt. When I think of Irish Catholics I think of dependable and hard working people you can trust and like. There may have been alcoholics in the family, but not my Aunt.
Kind of like when I think of Hispanics or Latinos. In my mind it is (hardworking) Hispanic, etc. It probably isn't fair, but in my experience in the non-academic world (I've never been a real academic so I can't say for academia), the Blacks and Hispanics I've known were a little more competent than the average, a little harder working. Ok, many of them were a lot harder working.
The problem comes up when I have to deal with stereotypes. Instead of them making sense to me, most cause a cognitive disconnect. A friend of mine said it was simple, I suffered from a stereotype deficit. Blame it on your Aunt Mary he said, she shouldn't have been so reliable and hard working and I'd have been fine.
Thanks, I said, I'll keep her just the way she is.
That came up again when someone was talking about crazy Irish Catholics. I've got an Irish Catholic Aunt. When I think of Irish Catholics I think of dependable and hard working people you can trust and like. There may have been alcoholics in the family, but not my Aunt.
Kind of like when I think of Hispanics or Latinos. In my mind it is (hardworking) Hispanic, etc. It probably isn't fair, but in my experience in the non-academic world (I've never been a real academic so I can't say for academia), the Blacks and Hispanics I've known were a little more competent than the average, a little harder working. Ok, many of them were a lot harder working.
The problem comes up when I have to deal with stereotypes. Instead of them making sense to me, most cause a cognitive disconnect. A friend of mine said it was simple, I suffered from a stereotype deficit. Blame it on your Aunt Mary he said, she shouldn't have been so reliable and hard working and I'd have been fine.
Thanks, I said, I'll keep her just the way she is.
On page 124 of Lewis Mehl-Madrona's _Narrative Medicine: The Use of History and Story in the Healing Process_, the author describes....
"the experiments of psychologists Claude Steele and Joshua Aronson, which involved black and white students answering questions from the Graduate Record Examination, the standardized test used for entrance into graduate school. When the black students were asked about their race before answering questions, the number of questions they answered correctly was cut in half. This is an example of a master narrative of American culture that says that blacks are not as smart as whites and don't deserve to succeed. When the psychologists asked the black students if it bugged them to be asked about their race before the test, they answered, 'No,' and added that they just didn't think they were smart enough to be at the university."
[References for the research mentioned: "Stereotype Threat and the Intellectual Test Performance of African-Americans," by Claude M. Steele and Joshua Aronson, on pp. 797-811 of the _Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 69 (1995); "Thin Ice: 'Stereotype Threat' and Black College Students," by Claude M. Steele, on pp. 44-47 and 50-54 of the 2/99 _Atlantic Monthly_.]
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Real love means service and kindness
It is interesting that originally, Eve was created as a "help meet" for Adam -- i.e. one who was his equal. In the mythline, it is only in the imperfect world that "thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Genesis 4:16). If you've ever known a girl who dropped all of her friends every time she had a new boyfriend, or a woman who put the latest man ahead of family, children and everything else, in a pathological fashion, you've seen this in action.
There are a number of texts that take this one step further, telling women that if they desire to escape an imperfect state, the first thing they have to do is agree with God not to follow men or listen to them or heed them when the men are wrong and not heeding the Spirit of the Holy One. What has always interested me is how often those receiving or passing that message along get it as women are to obey men. cf Unrighteous Dominion in Marriage.
There are a number of texts that take this one step further, telling women that if they desire to escape an imperfect state, the first thing they have to do is agree with God not to follow men or listen to them or heed them when the men are wrong and not heeding the Spirit of the Holy One. What has always interested me is how often those receiving or passing that message along get it as women are to obey men. cf Unrighteous Dominion in Marriage.
"A man needs to understand that his power to influence his wife or children for good can only come through love, praise, and patience. It can never be brought about by force or coercion"If you intend to seek perfection in an imperfect world, then it is important to seek to return to equality and love, where to lead is to serve and love, as Christ did, rather than to command and to act in equality and help rather than in dominion (or in being dominated). Of all relationship advice, especially for men, the advice that real love means service and kindness and care is the most important advice I can think of in aiding us to escape the pathology of an imperfect world and in returning to grace.
and
"Remember that neither the wife nor the husband is the slave of the other. Husbands and wives are equal partners, particularly Latter-day Saint husbands and wives. They should so consider themselves and so treat each other in this life, and then they will do so throughout eternity."
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Anger at God
A friend gave me this short essay or comment:
But knowledge is a start, though it seems that in many ways, all of grief is just a start.
We all experience times when we feel angry with God. Perhaps, in the past our reaction to this anger has been to pretend it did not exist, denying our anger to God and to ourselves. or, perhaps we reacted to it by giving up on prayer entirely. As we seek to to recover with God's help, neither option will work.Grief and loss cause anger. I know people whose anger is larger than they are and that they can not deal with. Everything else they have been able to cope with, to accept and to integrate, except for their anger with God. Anger with God may be even more damaging to the heart than bitterness, especially because it creates such blockage and is so far beyond our grasp.
We must go ahead and express our anger, but we must also keep talking to God. The anger passes, answers come, and we find that we have drawn closer to God through this experience. We clarify issues, we express our feelings honestly, and we communicate in a very tangible way with the higher power that we need.
But knowledge is a start, though it seems that in many ways, all of grief is just a start.
Terms of Service, Spam and Trolls
Sitemeter is neat. It tells me (if I care to look) where visitors come from* and when they post, etc.
That also means that it is quite possible to cross link the time of a post by a troll or a spammer and follow-up on it. Since I've had some that were annoying enough, and since I've been thinking about a TOS statement anyway, here goes with my favorite, with thanks to some inspiration.**
By reading or posting here you agree to the Terms of Service that govern this site. You agree than any commercial spam, or any trolling, contractually obligates you, your assigns, licensees, privies and employers, and anyone you work as an agent for or who provides you internet access, to pay liquidated damages benchmarked by the highest per incident amount for copyright infringement (currently about $250,000.00) or the amount in the parenthesis prior, whichever is greater.
You agree to binding arbitration and to venue and jurisdiction in Collin County Texas using an arbitrator of my choice residing in the venue and jurisdiction.
You also agree to prejudgment execution including transfer of urls and domain names used in spam by you or your agents. You agree to full arbitration of all issues, including the authority of agents to post spam for you and authorize the transfer of domain names used in spam as an immediate remedy prior to the arbitration ruling. Any spam or troll posting includes a grant of a power of attorney by the poster and any person said may be an agent for to execute any and all steps to pursue remedies, including drafting on bank accounts or access to credit or transfer of domains.
Infliction of extreme mental anguish is to be presumed, and a stipulation that such is actionable in tort is also agreed to by all posters who spam or troll, even though such will also stipulate that if same is pursued in tort rather than contract that it was unintentional (though intentional if pursued in contract) though culpable that same is not to be discharged in bankruptcy and that rather than be renewed, as a judgment may need to be to keep from going dormant, all awards are permanent and do not go dormant.
All posters also agree to allow my use of their posts (and to transfer copyright to same) by virtue of posting here, so as to allow blog book publication and similar use without compensation beyond the satisfaction of having posted and having had the post published.
Yes. I dislike spammers and trolls.
____________________
* Sample:
I picked the sample because it is completely innocuous, someone visiting for SLD information that I am glad to have shared.
__________________
**
NOTICE TO SPAMMERS, COMMENT ROBOTS, TRACKBACK SPAMMERS AND OTHER NON-HUMAN VISITORS: No comment or trackback left via a robot is ever welcome at Three Years of Hell. Your interference imposes significant costs upon me and my legitimate users. The owner, user or affiliate who advertises using non-human visitors and leaves a comment or trackback on this site therefore agrees to the following: (a) they will pay fifty cents (US$0.50) to Anthony Rickey (hereinafter, the "Host") for every spam trackback or comment processed through any blogs hosted on threeyearsofhell.com, morgrave.com or housevirgo.com, irrespective of whether that comment or trackback is actually posted on the publicly-accessible site, such fees to cover Host's costs of hosting and bandwidth, time in tending to your comment or trackback and costs of enforcement; (b) if such comment or trackback is published on the publicly-accessible site, an additional fee of one dollar (US$1.00) per day per URL included in the comment or trackback for every day the comment or trackback remains publicly available, such fee to represent the value of publicity and search-engine placement advantages.
Note, I asked the author for permission to use, emend and copy this and he said yes, though my use is currently limited to a footnote to reflect inspiration.
That also means that it is quite possible to cross link the time of a post by a troll or a spammer and follow-up on it. Since I've had some that were annoying enough, and since I've been thinking about a TOS statement anyway, here goes with my favorite, with thanks to some inspiration.**
By reading or posting here you agree to the Terms of Service that govern this site. You agree than any commercial spam, or any trolling, contractually obligates you, your assigns, licensees, privies and employers, and anyone you work as an agent for or who provides you internet access, to pay liquidated damages benchmarked by the highest per incident amount for copyright infringement (currently about $250,000.00) or the amount in the parenthesis prior, whichever is greater.
You agree to binding arbitration and to venue and jurisdiction in Collin County Texas using an arbitrator of my choice residing in the venue and jurisdiction.
You also agree to prejudgment execution including transfer of urls and domain names used in spam by you or your agents. You agree to full arbitration of all issues, including the authority of agents to post spam for you and authorize the transfer of domain names used in spam as an immediate remedy prior to the arbitration ruling. Any spam or troll posting includes a grant of a power of attorney by the poster and any person said may be an agent for to execute any and all steps to pursue remedies, including drafting on bank accounts or access to credit or transfer of domains.
Infliction of extreme mental anguish is to be presumed, and a stipulation that such is actionable in tort is also agreed to by all posters who spam or troll, even though such will also stipulate that if same is pursued in tort rather than contract that it was unintentional (though intentional if pursued in contract) though culpable that same is not to be discharged in bankruptcy and that rather than be renewed, as a judgment may need to be to keep from going dormant, all awards are permanent and do not go dormant.
All posters also agree to allow my use of their posts (and to transfer copyright to same) by virtue of posting here, so as to allow blog book publication and similar use without compensation beyond the satisfaction of having posted and having had the post published.
Yes. I dislike spammers and trolls.
____________________
* Sample:
| Domain Name | williams.edu ? (Educational) | |
| IP Address | 137.165.213.# (Williams College Campus) | |
| ISP | Williams College Campus |
I picked the sample because it is completely innocuous, someone visiting for SLD information that I am glad to have shared.
__________________
**
NOTICE TO SPAMMERS, COMMENT ROBOTS, TRACKBACK SPAMMERS AND OTHER NON-HUMAN VISITORS: No comment or trackback left via a robot is ever welcome at Three Years of Hell. Your interference imposes significant costs upon me and my legitimate users. The owner, user or affiliate who advertises using non-human visitors and leaves a comment or trackback on this site therefore agrees to the following: (a) they will pay fifty cents (US$0.50) to Anthony Rickey (hereinafter, the "Host") for every spam trackback or comment processed through any blogs hosted on threeyearsofhell.com, morgrave.com or housevirgo.com, irrespective of whether that comment or trackback is actually posted on the publicly-accessible site, such fees to cover Host's costs of hosting and bandwidth, time in tending to your comment or trackback and costs of enforcement; (b) if such comment or trackback is published on the publicly-accessible site, an additional fee of one dollar (US$1.00) per day per URL included in the comment or trackback for every day the comment or trackback remains publicly available, such fee to represent the value of publicity and search-engine placement advantages.
Note, I asked the author for permission to use, emend and copy this and he said yes, though my use is currently limited to a footnote to reflect inspiration.
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