Elder Dallin H. Oaks on Marriage

It is important for couples considering marriage to be willing to live with imperfection moving forward. Marriage can be nothing other than imperfect individuals willing to work together to help each other improve (slowly over the years).

I'm glad my wife has been willing to wait while I slowly improve over the years.

Someone else's great post

What my kids learned from competition:

1. You don't always get what you want.


2. You can do things you thought were too difficult for you.


3. You will improve in anything that you work at.


4. Winning feels good.


5. Losing sucks. (Well, it does.)


6. If you lose, you can train harder and try again.


7. You were born into the wrong family if you are looking for someone to accept excuses for not getting what you want out of life.

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Lots more great stuff there, I'm glad I added that blog to my links. Those are all great lessons for kids to learn.

Being a Father and a Husband

We went over a conference talk in our group, then I listened to it again as I listened to the CDs in my car. I loved the points it made.

As a Father

• do not rush past fleeting moments
• do not over-schedule your child or children
• cut out excess commitments and encourage your wife to find time for herself
• find regular times to talk with each child every week
  
• pray, study and teach the gospel.
  

As a Husband

• notice what your wife does -- often and with positive feedback
• have regular times to talk about each child
• give your spouse time away from the children
• when you come home, engage your family, give your wife a break every time you come home as soon as you come home.
• actively interact with your family as soon as you come home (rather than getting into the habit of spending time decompressing).
  

It can be hard, especially if you have ADD or stress in your workplace. If you have problems of that sort, get Vyvance or Tenex or learn to releax, rather than needing to use the internet or isolation to decompress.

I'm trying to incorporate those lessons.

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On having a winning attitude: example
On how the example got that attitude

I like the blogger's attitude who wrote the second essay and have added them to my blogroll links so I don't forget to visit.

More on bread making in just five minutes a day

Per the NYT: “The technique is more or less as streamlined as this: Mix flour, salt, yeast and water. Let it sit a bit, refrigerate it, take some out and let it rise, then bake it. The crusty, full-flavored loaf that results may be the world’s easiest yeast bread.”

See also the video at http://www.startribune.com/video/11967361.html

I've bought two copies of the book so far. Suzette Haden Elgin first recommended it to me (Personal note; making bread; part two...). An Ozark Grandmother who knows her bread, what better source? See the original post at http://ozarque.livejournal.com/487560.html

.	Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoe Francois (Hardcover - Nov 13, 2007) Buy new: $27.95 $18.45 42 Used & new from $14.90

I've got a lot of wheat, and Costco yeast in the freezer.

Errata at http://www.artisanbreadinfive.com/?page_id=73

Watch the videos, read the reviews, then think about it.

Urgency, what makes you feel urgency?

Amazing how urgent some things are.



What do you find urgent?

A useful connection between 12 Step Programs and Grief

I really have enjoyed reading twelve (12) step material. I had hoped it would give me a new perspective on grief and recovery. For the most part 12 step material has turned out not to have much cross-over at all (which is why there are so few blog posts using the material). It turns out that the issues are very different.

One place they have it right is in having people who are still in the turmoil of recovery assist or sponsor those who are just beginning the process. There is an immediacy that creates a connection that aids in healing. I recently went through another step in healing and realized that while I can listen and share experience, faith and hope, I lack the immediacy that creates such a connection in the community.

There are those who are now far better than I to console, to listen, to share with someone who has lost a child. In fact, the strength of Compassionate Friends (a grief support group that has no connection to 12 step programs or much of anything else) is that there are always those there who have an immediacy to there sorrow. If a child dies, they are always available, always share the knowledge and the experience that others do not.

For me, I've healed too much to be of as much use as others can be, and are. Some have noticed the change in my blog's title (though I made it some time ago, with a post). Grief is with me, but it only informs me in a lesser part. I'm grateful for the healing and for the hope it allows me to share. At the same time, the healing renders me less relevant to a group that has been such a core part of my life for so long.

It is good to realize that I am replaced, for reasons that create hope and give me freedom. The dead are not forgotten. I'm not "over" grief. But ... but, I am healed to another stage, renewed and progressed to another level, for which I am grateful.

Thank you God.

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I also actually also owe some thanks to a troll (you can read some of the troll's writing, such as it is, here). Reading the compulsive rants I realized that instead of feeling angry or even annoyed, I found myself thinking about why the rants did not affect me and where I was and how I had changed. I'm grateful for where my life is and for the grace that has come to it.

Amazing Grace

"Amazing Grace"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like
me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How
precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
Tis grace has
brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis’d good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my
shield and portion be, As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I
shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God,
who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.

John Newton, Olney Hymns (London: W. Oliver, 1779)

I love this hymn, always has.

Thanks to S. Faux for the reminder.

On vacation, adoption, theology

I've been enjoying vacation. I love spending time with my family. Makes for a blogging hiatus and a distance for spell checkers, but worth it. I'm posting now, while everyone takes an after church nap.

I'll write more on this topic, but we visited with Tom Morran, one of Win's old boyfriends. I met him first when I was engaged to Win and he was home from Yale. He was a great guy then and has gotten better with time. As time has passed he moved from math to teaching, served in the Peace Corps, got a masters in English as a Second Language, taught in Japan, went to medical school and picked up two board certifications.

He is 47. Lives well within his means, in a modest but beautiful historic home that he and his wife have lovingly restored from the bottom up. To see his home is to respect he and his wife. I plan to copy his handmade arbor. But, he and his wife are trying to adopt a second child.

If you know of someone who has a child they are considering putting up for adoption, Tom Morran is someone of gentle patience and kindness with a delightful wife who is a kindred spirit to Tom. They have one child, a Chinese girl with Thalasemia beta minor (which my sister and mother both have). The three of them would make a wonderful family for any child.

I'll upload a picture when I get home. Bu I really am glad that Win and I were able to see Tom and his family.

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I don't post much theology on this blog. That generally ends up on a group blog I am a part of. The general posts can be found collected at:

http://mormonmatters.org/author/stephen-marsh/

I've got more drafted to add to the series, though the ones of affliction means and how it relates to us are ones I consider important.

More later.

Shot a five shot group in under an inch

Was sighting in a rifle I was given for Christmas. I haven't shot for forty years.

My eyes aren't as good as I'd like, I had trouble with the last group, trying to figure out if I was even hitting the target. Turns out my last five shots after the last sight adjustment were in a group under an inch, with several of them touching.

Well. Now to adjust the sight just a little more. Maybe some day I'll even be ready to go hunting with the guys. Or maybe more target shooting with my daughter (she was captain of the rifle team after all).

Moving on, completely off topic while we wait for the Olympics:





http://view.break.com/546426 - Watch more free videos

Just waiting for the Olympics, thinking about vacation, silly stuff.

Also, a useful post by someone else: How to avoid demonization

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From:
A Law Professor and a Policeman Tell You Why You Should Never Speak to a Policeman Without Your Lawyer Present

First, the lawyer:

Second, the policeman:

He shows how he gets around the recommendation of the lawyer.