Sunday, July 20, 2008

Facing my bad habits, growing

I've a bad habit of passing along what can best be described as positive gossip -- positive things people have said about others behind their backs. That, in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but I find myself tempted to reframe things slightly. I was reflecting on it today in church. Sometimes reframing is just that, changing the perspectives or illustrating the essential truth in better words than the original speaker used. But it can be tempting to go too far. I'm learning to watch myself to prevent that, gilding the lily only lessens the truth.

This blog grew out of an on-line journal I was keeping as a part of keeping my identity separate from grief. I may have had things happen to me, but I was determined that I would not become defined by those things. By writing I was able to put distance between what had happened and myself.

I was getting ready to quit the process when I discovered that what I was writing helped a small audience not really helped enough. So I continued.

I'm glad it is a small audience and only wish it were smaller, that no one experienced the death of a child. Of the things I've blogged about, the rituals and experiences of grief are the least interesting to a general audience. When I blog in that area, hits on the blog always go down.

I can easily double the readers or more by writing on diet. People seem to be drawn to SLD, and by November I will have been using the method for three years. I lost a lot of weight, then brought it back up to 189 and then stayed at that weight for over a year. Recently my weight has slipped down (177.6 this morning). It will probably slip some more, but weight loss isn't what I am really about.

But I have been thinking. It is eleven years since Robin was born and we just recently hit another stage of healing. I know my blog title was designed to make those who were grieving feel more at home, more comfort at being here, than they might have otherwise felt. But it isn't the way I am any more, even at a distance. So I changed it a while back.

That doesn't mean that I'm changing direction or that I'll start focusing on things that draw more attention and more hits. Rather, I'll probably blog about grief a great deal less here, and probably blog a good deal less all in all. I'm not sure I have much more to say. As for Mormon Matters, the group blog I'm with, the way it has become the round the clock gay marriage blog I'm not sure I have much to blog there about either.

Except to try to think of something positive about Ray (The Things of My Soul) and Hawkgrrl to say about them, behind their backs.


Papa D said...

Don't say nice things about me; link me blog. *grin*


Stephen said...

Done ;)

adamf said...

I really appreciated the last post--I've been thinking that I involve myself (sometimes not intentionally) in triangles, and I'm making it a goal of sorts to avoid them.

Re: Mormon Matters - I promise my next post will not be about gay marriage. :) You're right though, 2/9 of my posts have covered that, arguably a bigger ratio than is warranted considering all the gospel/church-related topics... I don't know what we'd do without Ray.

Speaking of Ray, if he's going to ask for a link, I'm going to too. :) Btw, have you seen the linklist "blog role" or whatever it is called? Basically you can set your links to only show the most recent 5-10 posts from your friends, rather than the 100 or so you have linked here. :)

Keep it up Stephen - although I have never talked to you in person, you have a tone in your writing that is quite comforting.

Stephen said...

Adam, there is also a plug-in that lets you keep track of which blogs you link to have new posts -- J.L. uses that. I've been thinking of adding that.

But, I try to link to sites that link to me or that I regularly visit.

I've just not been updating my link list often enough. ;)

But I've added you too.

adamf said...

I'll have to check that out...

Btw it's "shenpa" rather than "sherpa" -- it's funny, because there is another blog I read that has "sherpa" in the title...

Thanks! Now my technorati rating has to be at least 3! (compared to Ray's 13 or whatever it is...)

Papa D said...

Mine actually is about a 2. I just know how to fake it up to a 13.

adamf said...

Ray you need to lend me some of those faking skills so I can aggrandize myself a little more. :)

I had a higher rank until I changed my url, and my pride (and rank) was brought low. What does it all mean? Absolutely nothing, perhaps. :)

dramatic sporano said...

Stephen--you're in Dallas, right? Or nearby? Could you e-mail me personally at Margaret_Young at

dramatic sporano said...

Stephen--sorry to use the blog for communication. BYU's system is down so I can't access e-mail.
I'll keep checking.

Margaret Young

Stephen said...

No problem, I got your e-mail and sent you my telephone numbers, contact information and that of a friend.