Monday, May 28, 2007

Dangerous ... Norton 2007 -- replaced today

Ok, Norton Internet 2007 got to where it froze more than twice a week. I finally got AVG (an anti-virus, read about it on ZDNet.com) and installed it. I'm going to use the Zone Alarm firewall (I've used it before) and a couple of anti-spyware programs I've currently got.

Reading around I found out that Norton has gotten worse over time, and given I have a Windows XP Pro installation running, with all updates, and the updated Norton (a download from the site), it isn't too much to ask that I not have to uninstall and install two to three times a week ...).

Off to check the steaks. Rachel is reading the Dangerous Book for Boys right now, taking a break from Harry Potter novels.

The Dangerous Book for Boys
The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden (Hardcover - May 1, 2007)

Really neat stuff. She says it is too dangerous for boys.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Wonderful Italians


We met a lot of wonderful Italians, this just happens to be the one we got a photograph of.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Misc., still delayed by Norton 2007 problems ...

I am stuck with Norton freezing every time it manages to update itself without my permission. I don't mind the definition updates, but the other ones crash it. I've got the "improved" Norton 2007 running under WinXP Pro (fully updated). So, I end up using the custom uninstaller and reinstalling about once a week.

That cuts into my time for things like game playing or blogging.

But, I covered home teaching for two other people this last week, saw my mother safely home from the hospital (her surgery and hip repair went very well) and dealt with other things ...

Work has been busy. As a litigator, on vacation work just keeps rolling in (though I did clear off court and similar things for when I was gone).

I'll blog about vacation more. Basically, we got a free flight into Zurich and back home again, took second class train rides all over Italy, and used a lot of Rick Steve's guides.

Rick Steves' Italy 2007 (Rick Steves)
Rick Steves' Italy 2007 (Rick Steves)

Rick Steves' Florence and Tuscany 2007 (Rick Steves)
Rick Steves' Florence and Tuscany 2007 (Rick Steves)

(and, had a couple more we bought, but did not use).

We were gone from the 3rd to the 13th, spent four days in Cinque Terre with Egli, two days in Florence with another recommended hotel, and two days in Venice with a hotel my wife found on Hotels.com (rather than call around the recommended list) -- for $75.00 (not euros) a night, clean, new, and with delightful private bath and shower and a breakfast they cooked fresh every night (it was wonderful to come in to the smell of fresh baking every night).

I can't say enough good things about the company. I so enjoy my wife. Next time we are taking the kids with us. We ended up missing them so much.

Cinque Terre has a lot of trails, more stone in the terraces than in the great wall of China, though I joked that it was really the stair climbing of Italy event ... very pretty.

Florence was better than the guide, the only time I've felt let down by Rick Steve's -- the guide is mostly "hit the 'must see' sites and get into Tuscony" -- and the Pitti Palace was better than Versailles in a lot of ways.

Venice was fun (cheaper food than Florence), and I'll have to upload some pictures of Win being swarmed by pigeons, not to mention some of the Italians we met -- they were delightful people. Though, I don't know what has gotten into them -- like the French they just are not smoking like they used to (great for me, I'm allergic to cigarette smoke).

We decided to skip Rome, which had been the original place we had decided to go in Italy. So instead of a Rome focused trip, we skipped it all together. On the other hand, we did Italy on the cheap, about what you would spend in the same time in Dallas, if you went there on vacation, though our street vendors don't sell silk ties.

Lost a pound and a half on the trip, have done my best to regain it now that we are home. Food was wonderful, but we walked a lot.

I'm rambling. More later.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Norton Internet 2007 -- Bleagh!

I updated from 2006 to 2007 since Norton pretty much no longer sells software, but instead one year licenses disguised as software. At the price, I thought it was worth it.

Well, before long, on an update, it broke. I checked the website, discovered that you now need to use a special uninstaller and they suggest you download and use an updated, not as buggy, version (that also distorted and lost registration information, though I eventually solved that).

Now it breaks regularly on updates, which results in a system that doesn't run right. So I have a folder with the new uninstaller and with the new download, requires fixing about twice a week.

Not a solution. I'm going to try either Computer Associates new anti-virus/etc. or go back to PC-Cillian.

--------------------------

At least my Mom's surgery went well and she is very cheerful. My hospital visits have been pleasant, though getting caught up at work has been time consuming (in law, the work just piles up while you are gone as if you were still there but saving the work the whole time).

FIOS was installed and broke Sunrocket the way the installer put it in. Now to try to fix that.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Mother's Day

Ok, delayed five hours past when we expected to be leaving the airport, so did I have dinner with my Mom anyway?

Sigh, did get to visit her in the hospital twice on Mother's Day. She'll be alright. They operate on Tuesday.

Other than that, it has been a delightful vacation. Honestly, other than the peso pizza, I like American Pizza better ;) -- though Italy seems to have gone from pan bread with some garnish on it (Pizza in Italy in the 1970s) to thin crust pizzas (pizza from Cinque Terre to Florence to Venice, with one exception) and pizza wraps (a wrap, but made of pizza). No pepperoni to be seen anywhere, usually the only meat topping was anchovies or ham.

I'll get more time, I'll blog on the stair climbing on Cinque Terre (which we really enjoyed), the street vendors of Florence (which we avoided) and how Venice was cheaper than Florence (cokes, gelatos, everything but silk ties were markedly less in Venice).

Right now I need to get ready to go into work and face almost two weeks of mail. But, I was caught up when I left ...

ADR in India

I've not done any ADR in India, but I know some people who have.

Now, for those who have asked about programs in India:

From: Bobbi McAdoo [mailto:bmcadoo@gw.hamline.edu]
Sent: Monday, July 04, 2005 11:42 AM
To: Marsh,Stephen R
Subject: Re: Just a quick follow-up -- and a question

Hi Stephen,

Great to hear from you.

We (colleague Jim Coben and I) were in India for 3 weeks in February and March. We offered a Diploma Program in Dispute Resolution for 6 credits (Negotiation and Mediation classes) and about 1/2 dozen students are continuing in our London program this summer (arbitration certificate for 6 credits) and then using the combined 12 credits as 1/2 of our LL.M. for foreign lawyers...they will be here in St Paul in the Fall to complete the other 12 credits for the LL.M. It is really quite exciting and the students were so wonderful and engaged. Jim and I had the most terrific time with them. It is a nice way for the Indian students to get an affordable LL.M. from the United States with an obvious concentration (12 credits at least) in Dispute Resolution theory and practice. The other 12 credits includes International Law (and something else I am forgetting here at home!) and a possible mini concentration in IP.

That "we" is Bobby McAdoo and Jim Coben -- not anyone and Steve Marsh. Anyone with questions about ADR in India I'd direct to Bobby McAdoo or Jim Coben at http://www.hamline.edu/

Hope that answers the question that amita had.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Cinque Terre

Home > Rick on TV > Guide to Shows > Cinque Terre

Well, tomorrow we are off, Win and I. Nephews, parents, children, they'll all be here, we will be there.

More blogging when we return.

Monday, April 30, 2007

48 Iranian Nuclear Weapons

That is the approximate number of weapons that were "placed" there before the Shah left. They were disabled, but not destroyed or removed right before the Shah fell.

At least one of them ended up in Saudi Arabia, when the new government flew a plane in to demonstrate to he Saudis that an air defense system run on connections rather than some merit is rather porous. The plane that flew in had well maintained engines (the French techs did a great job), but no avionics and no weapon system. Corroded to the rails was one of the tactical nuclear weapons, still disabled and non-functional.

It was disposed of along with the other garbage.


I would note that "weapons of mass destruction" are a fools game for most countries. Fuel oil bombs and short range missiles would have made Iraq a great deal more of a threat than its WMD programs. There is a reason the Nazis generated massive amounts of poison gases, yet only deployed them against civilians in concentration camps. In very specific situations (such as a small, heavily defended target, such as Israel) there may be no better choice (though see saturation missile attacks with missile launched fuel oil bombs) ...

For twenty billion dollars, if you spent eight billion on desalination plants and schools for Palestinians, five on producing LAWs (light anti-tank weapons) and five on fuel oil bombs, while running a student exchange program (the last two billion) you would get a lot further, and a lot more impact than Saddam ever did seeking WMDs.

Not to mention, but nuclear weapons rot. There is a reason radioactive decay is called "decay." And it happens faster when nuclear material is put together in weapons. The soviets had far more environmental damage from their remanufacturing program than they ever did building the weapons.

Just like men on the ground, nuclear weapons are subject to attrition and age. Just like men on the ground, it is often easy to overestimate what they mean.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Why people read scripture - - an excerpt

I'm quoting from someone else.
"a paper at the Yale conference in February in which I argued that the reason that most people don’t read the works of Biblical scholars (LDS or otherwise) is that most people don’t read scripture in order to understand what scripture says; most people read scripture in order to interpret it in light of their own experience or to have a revelatory moment with God. Actually understanding the original intended meaning of the words is secondary to this personal divine experience and it is possibly entirely unnecessary to having this experience. This explains, I think, why most scripture readers don’t seek the original meaning"

People read scripture in order to have a personal divine experience, as a path to connecting with God. Given the audience to whom most scriptures were addressed and the vagaries of time, scripture is a Rorschach inkblot or a dark glass through which we look.

The essayist catches that very well. But that is what scripture is, else how does it remain relevant and speak to us now if it is not really a medium that is spoken through. We read scripture not so much for what it says, but for what God says to us through it.

4:20 a.m. Super Shuttle is late, there is a phone call

... and it is Yellow Cab on the line. They will be picking Win up instead (she is flying out to drive Heather home). Oh, they know we've pre-paid Super Shuttle, but we will need to have the full price of the cab fare, in cash, in five minutes for the pick-up. Can't get to an ATM and back in time, sorry.

Super Shuttle is called. Yes, they've passed us on to Yellow Cab. But, not to worry, they will re-imburse us the difference, once we've submitted the receipts. Not, mind you, the full fare we pay. They will keep the advance payment, and we have to pay the same amount to the cab company, but anything more than that, they will, eventually, repay us. No ATM close enough (who carries cash anymore? If I don't have it, I don't spend it) ... sorry, they've sold our seat to someone else and can't pick us up, and sorry about confirming with us the night before, they really didn't mean for us to trust them.

So, bundle the seven-year-old in the truck, drive Win out to DFW, listen to the seven-year-old cry all the way home and then cry herself to sleep, catch a nap, and then get ready to drive to Waco and back myself today for a hearing.

According to Yellow Cab, this isn't the first time. Sigh.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Thursday, April 19, 2007

A choice of witnesses

In studying the Bible we come to sources, to the manuscripts with all their flaws, changes, alterations, differences and alternatives. Where in another genre they might be called versions or iterations, in some biblical studies they are called "witnesses."

In the writings of Paul there are accurate versions, known as authentic or true witnesses -- what we have good reason to believe are his words without alteration (or far fewer alterations). There also later in time, altered, so called inauthentic or perjured witnesses of Paul. Those versions tell different stories, and what is interesting, is the choice some people make between the true and the false.

As Pistas3 has noted, the discovery of older and clearer documents and sources gives the true witness of Paul -- a Paul who gives guidance on how to accommodate women preaching, praying, and prophesying in meetings without giving offense. Much like Paul writing about his abstaining from meats allowed by God, he encouraged a path for women that enabled, but did not offend.

The changes added to Paul by the perjured witnesses suddenly shift Paul to someone who forbids women to talk at all in Church. In that, such witnesses are not only false (being added at a later date) but inconsistent as well.

After all, is Paul's God one before whom we are all equal, neither male or female, black or white, bond or free, Greek or barbarian? Or is Paul's God one before whom (in some inauthentic witnesses) women have no souls and are failed vessels of wrath?

Julie is right that the original Paul, in what we now know to be his own words before alteration, spoke for women, commanding respect, care and equality. Those who could not abide that truth twisted his words and added to them. Those who would tamper with the true scripture and would quote a perjured witness are either too ignorant of the truth to have much credibility or they know, but they still choose to say something else, of which one may wonder.

There is an unwarranted pain for some in the scriptures, but it most often comes of false witnesses, and lies always bring pain. The study of Paul deserves better, as does the true doctrine of how God encourages woman to be equal partners, equally yoked, before Him.



In case there is any question about this essay, it is well established that the lines in Paul's writings about women being silent were added by later scribes -- and only exist in some versions. Any professional who deals with scripture is aware that Paul said no such thing -- that it was added in later by people who felt that Paul needed revising and should not be allowed to talk in his own voice without editing.

Alterations in scripture seem to be of the following kinds:

  1. A well accepted saying or story is added to the written record (e.g. the story of the woman taken in adultery. That appears to be a well established story about Jesus that was just added to the gospel of John in order to find it a home in the record).
  2. Easily made typographical errors (the equivalent of changing "fare" to "fair").
  3. Doctrinal additions that make a doctrine clearer (e.g. supports for the doctrine of the trinity were added into the scriptures) or grind an ax (passages attacking the participation of women).
  4. Misattribution. An accepted text picks up a new author over time. The common example is the Book of Hebrews, though that book is a classic midrash and is exactly what one would expect from Paul given his background and training. Hebrews may well be the natural voice of Paul vs. the Paul of his Greek scribes and aides.
  5. The attrition of time and chance. The loss of the Book of Enoch from many canon seems to fit into that category, with various versions all including changes from 1-4 above and 6 below.
  6. Embellishments, filling out the text. A number of "lost" texts have versions that are heavily embellished.
The essay is the one I had hoped to have Pistas3 write, albeit my version is much, much less scholarly and incomplete compared to her insights. I thought that I might as well share it, since I think the issue of which witnesses we choose is an important one in many areas.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

http://marilynheavilin.com/


We've known Marilyn for a long time, from the grief support group at Prodigy on, but we finally got to meet her tonight. It was a wonderful visit. She looks and acts about fifty years old and inspires me with hope sometimes. In person she looks much better than her photographs.

Her website is http://marilynheavilin.com/

She has buried three children, as we have.

Currently she is taking dispute resolution classes for a master's degree, having transferred out of a "Biblical" counseling program (when one of her professors told her not to tell people that Christ died for their sins, because he may not have [the professor believes that Christ did not die for everyone's sins, only a select few], she kind of parted ways with that program, which is not normative for the Biblical Counseling movement).

Roses in December: Comfort for the Grieving Heart
Roses in December: Comfort for the Grieving Heart by Marilyn Willett Heavilin (Paperback - April 1, 2006)
Buy new: $8.79

That is her signature book, though she has written others.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Panglossian DKL ... seems like a Snarkernacle post ...

What does it mean to see God as a Weaver? Is it all Panglossian nonsense, as DKL might say, or is there a deeper version of that view that makes sense and is real? If life were a game, and you were a character with the *real* you the player of the character, how would your life differ?

Seriously. How many of you have ever played a game on your computer? How many would keep playing if all you did was push a single button and it came up "You win" every time? (There are variants of that game, btw, and they are not terribly successful). How many of you play games where you lose, and keep playing them? Solitaire, for example?

As I've taken another look at games, especially role playing games after a long hiatus (mostly because I had some papers that sold for several thousand dollars after I was contacted by someone looking for insight into them, it got me looking back at the industry for a while), things like Life With Master, or Dogs In The Vineyard (LDS themed role-playing that is considered a critical and commercial success), I've been impressed by how much hardship is important to the lives people choose to simulate.

For the most part, with most people, if they were an unseen force guiding their own lives, their own lives would have more hardship in them than their lives have now, or so it seems.

But if we provide the threads, God weaves the tapestry from them, making use of what we provide in order to make what we need from it. So yes, this is the best of all *possible* worlds (though perhaps not the best of the impossible ones). Perhaps. Perhaps if there is a deeper reality that we are a part of, deeper meaning we are seeking, a deeper need that life meets than just animal existence.

Odysseus had it right when he fled the land of the lotus eaters. That is not the life we choose, and once we reject that course, the lives we live are the only alternative, taken at a deeper level, with a deeper perspective.

That is reality.

Shangri-la Diet Update

The paperback is finally coming out this month:

The Shangri-La Diet: The No Hunger Eat Anything Weight-Loss Plan
The Shangri-La Diet: The No Hunger Eat Anything Weight-Loss Plan by Seth Roberts (Paperback - April 24, 2007)
Buy new: $9.56

Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.

Still working for me.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Global Warming Snow Flurries in Texas

We are having snow flurries in honor of global warming today. Nature has a sharp sense of irony. At least it is staying warm enough that the snow doesn't stick.


Also, Rachel's surgery went well. I'm not sure exactly what to do with a first grader who tested between kindergarden and fourteenth grade, depending on the area, but we are working on it. I was the same at her age, but my two years in school were the worst in my life (I had teachers who actively pushed the entire class to do no better than low "C" quality work). I want something far different for Rachel.

Friday, April 06, 2007

An Open Letter to President Bush by Daniel Clay Marsh

Dear President Bush


Recent British difficulties in the gulf have highlighted a shortcoming in American policy that you as Commander in Chief can repair. The military still lives under the shadow if not directions of "Name Rank and Serial Number" as portrayed in film and lore. The world situation has changed and increasingly captives of other cultures and governments are being pressured if not tortured into statements they would not otherwise make. The US could make such statements of no value by changing the national policy.

Our policy should be that citizens and personnel of the US may say anything their captives wish to avoid punitive actions that would not be permitted in the US. Further that any statements made by US Citizens not made at home or in a neutral third party setting were considered sheltered under national policy and not to be taken at face value.

The preceding policy would make the "publicity" statements and apologies of captives of no value and provide captives protection from torture through authorized capitulation to demands. You can change this by executive action and help lead the world to similar international agreement thereby providing a measure of personal safety to military personal and other national representives not currently available, both to our citizens and public servants and the rest of the worlds.

You as President and we as a nation can make a difference in the treatment and care of our public representives and servants and those of the world by your making this simple but important policy change. I respectfully request that you/we, Do it now.


Yours Daniel Clay Marsh

Marshenz@netzero.net

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Bad Kids? Train the Parents

Stephen J. Dubner

Here’s an interesting paper from the British Medical Journal which argues that children’s anti-social behavior can be significantly altered by training their parents to be better parents. (And here is the BMJ’s editorial summary.)

The paper’s authors conducted a randomized study with 153 socially disadvantaged Welsh parents with children aged 3 or 4. Some of the parents were given a 12-week “intervention programme,” in which two professionals taught the parents how to reward, punish, and discipline their children. The control group of parents were wait-listed for this workshop.


From http://www.freakonomics.com/blog/ -- about parenting and children. Some really interesting stuff. It is possible to be vaccinated against pregnancy. The commercialization problems have to do with the process wearing off and the process not wearing off ... but I can see the day when that is added to the list of vaccinations that are required of all children ... with both a large population drop thereafter and perhaps licenses required to be allowed to have children.

But studies like this make you think.

Monday, April 02, 2007

My Dad and the Jack Mormon

So, my Dad is out mowing his lawn with his electric mower (brought it with him from California) and a neighbor stops. She can't believe a man in his seventies with Parkinson's is mowing a lawn. (Neither does his doctor, though the doctor told my Mom to keep him at it as long as possible, as it was good for him to keep up function).

Next thing you know, she is mowing the lawn for him and telling him about how she was a Mormon when she was in Utah as a kid, but has left the Church as an adult (and how much she appreciates all the improvements made to my parents' house since they moved in).

Great conversation, my Mom has finally decided that maybe she will relent and go with the lawn service after all. They'll find exercise some other way, one that doesn't get strange women stopping and mowing the lawn.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Gates of Fire

Gates of Fire: An Epic Novel of the Battle of Thermopylae
Gates of Fire: An Epic Novel of the Battle of Thermopylae by Steven Pressfield (Paperback - Sep 27, 2005)
Buy new: $15.00 $8.99 30 Used & new from $8.97


I'm Greek (my grandfather was George Emmanuel Mylonas) and an attorney and, well this book is number one on the reading lists of a lot of Greek attorneys.

The surprising thing is that much of the book is really about the power of love and the power of faith and friendship; that the opposite of fear is love; the power and strength of women.

Moving, in spite of itself, or perhaps, because of itself.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Discussion on kids borrowing the car keys ...

Even though she was a bit high-maintenance, at least Ishtar politely asked her father for the Bull of Heaven. She didn't just go sneaking off behind her dad's back to steal the keys to the bull and then get really drunk and start tear---ng all over town causing chaos everywhere until she wrapped the Bull of Heaven around a telephone pole.

Enkidu totally gets the short end of the stick though.

Rich




No wonder the Epic of Gilgamesh is a classic:

Father give me the Bull of Heaven,
So he can kill Gilgamesh in his dwelling.
If you do not give me the Bull of Heaven ,
I will knock down the Gates of the Netherworld,
I will smash the doorposts, and leave the doors flat down,
and will let the dead go up to eat the living!
And the dead will outnumber the living!
It will be awful!



You know how it is, any discussion kind of gets back to family, no matter where it starts.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Junia, A Female Apostle?

I did a short poem over at the Snark in way of response to a riff they did. In that, I referred to Junia. My cites got cut off, but here they are:

Junia, btw, is an early Eastern Orthodox Saint.

If you click on the links (note, the first is a pdf paper), you will find that the first one disagrees with the thesis. Well, it is one thing to make a comment on a humor site, it is another to be certain as to the conclusion. I'm not certain at all, though it does make for interesting reading.

Do I know what Paul meant when he wrote: "Greet Andronicus and Junia, my relatives who were in prison with me; they are prominent among the apostles, and they were in Christ before I was." No, I don't.

But it is worth some thought, and it fit the meter needs of the line. Sorry if I have no answers here, but there are many things in life without answers.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Bridge to Terabithia

I'd seen some Disney channel on this, mostly about two kids discovering a magical world.

Went to see the movie. It is one of the "dead pet" genre of movies -- kid comes of age because of a death. In this case, because his best and only friend dies. Felt like I'd been ganked. Other than that, lots of product placement, even when it hurt the movie (the family is dirt poor and in distress, but the kids have premium brand name orange juice for breakfast -- in large glasses they aren't told to finish? On that family's orange juice budget I could have bought the kid the new shoes he wanted in a week).

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Diet, etc.

Speaking of SLD and the Shangri-la Diet, I did have someone post and ask how I could state that the diet was boring. It is. I find a time, once a day, and drink two ounces of extra light olive oil. There is none of the stress, effort, willpower, thought or anything else that goes into a "normal" or "typical" diet. It is more like drinking a glass of water every day eventually becomes a routine that is boring to talk about.

Still, I've been down 70-75 pounds since June or July of last year. That is amazing and wonderful, but the diet itself is boring by now.



I also got a warning that one of my SLD links had given way to link rot. http://davidshangriladiet.blogspot.com/ -- David's Shangri-La Diet Saga -- has link rot in the worst way. I'm taking the link down and would advise you not to enter the url by hand.

I'd click on the "report" button, but the site forwards immediately and blocks that. If anyone knows how to report that sort of thing, I'd be grateful. Guess I can just kill the link, though it is a good reason not to just kill your blog -- people will take the url over for purposes like that. I thought it was bad enough when an LDS blog was replaced by a calling card advertisement. An autoforward to a porn site is a lot worse thing to have happen to your blog -- and pretty typical it seems for any blog that is taken down. Someone else signs up the url and uses it for advertising purposes.

Monday, March 12, 2007

misc.

From a recent analysis of Plano (where we live):

Ethnicity/Race
White - 65%
Asian - 16%
Hispanic - 12%
African American - 5%
Other - 2%




I've got a spammer, who under the terms of service now owes me the tos amounts. Anyone who wants to try to collect is asked to contact me about collecting from spammer's e-mail (
Aamir MOBILE LTD)


I need to write about grief, loss and revisiting places you've been before.

Also, a very funny link to a cross-over of Lord of the Ring and Princess Bride.

KurzweilAI.net this morning has Vernor Vinge's "What if the Singularity Does NOT Happen?", at
http://www.kurzweilai.net/meme/frame.html?main=/articles/art0696.html

Friday, March 09, 2007

Taking the short plane ...

I never heard any "short bus" jokes as a kid, I must have been about forty the first time I heard one, so they don't seem funny to me, but going to Florida, Continental changed planes on us, and we ended up on the "short plane" (meaning that the seats we had reserved on our boarding passes didn't exist). They told us to just take other seats.

Well, that was fine, except on coming back, they told us that our tickets were not valid since we hadn't flown all of the legs on the flight out. Automatic, computer enforced penalties. I wasn't amused, and after they got that fixed (since they had a record of our luggage going, etc.) we made our flight with five minutes to spare. I was told that next time that happened, to make the flight crew reissue the tickets (which is what they were supposed to do).

On the other hand, the rest of the trip went rather well. We saw a timeshare presentation (more at http://srmarsh.com/ but they seem like a very, very bad deal). Now I know what they are offering.
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeshare
  • http://www.sellmytimesharenow.com/
  • http://www.timeshare-resale-rental.com/
Last time we were at Disneyworld it was with Jessica and Heather (Courtney stayed with a babysitter -- she was too little). But we had a good time; and, eventually made it safely home. Where the power was fixed (as we left, the power was out in half the house due to some problem on the utility company end. Luckily we had gotten up on our own, as the alarms were all on the lines that went out).

Friday, March 02, 2007

Monday, February 26, 2007

Taste so bad it would scare a goat ...

My seven year old really, really, really likes Annie's. So, when she saw Annie's Homegrown Totally Natural Real Cheese D.W. Whole Wheat Pasta & Alfredo she had to have some. Luckily we only bought two packages.

The post title pretty much captures the response around here.

Friday, February 16, 2007

A week of memories

Courtney (February 16, 1992 to December 26, 1993)

I'll be glad to see February 17th this year.


On a different topic, http://dallasmuseumofart.org/Dallas_Museum_of_Art/Experience/ID_012952 is really a neat program.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Memories, changing and the same

I was talking with a guy, during a break at work (between depositions actually) about personal narratives. He had problems with the changes in focus and details in the narratives of Joseph Smith. His feeling is that things could not have happened or the narrative would not have differences.

But it made me think of the differences in the narratives I have in my life. Robin's death, for example, was a life changing event. Yet, do I tell the story the same way every time? Do I focus on the same details? Perhaps how the responders asked me questions, like my eye color, that I couldn't answer (I started to get ready to pull out an eye so I could see the color and answer the question). That was a significant event for me, yet I've never mentioned it before (or written about it, though I think about it from time to time when thinking about her death). Does that mean that the death never happened and I'll turn around and find her eating breakfast with Rachel?

No, it just means that when asked about the event, depending on who I am talking to or why I am writing about it, I may mention some details and compress or skip others. The intensity of it all sometimes overwhelms memory as well and I'll forget the day or the year. Seems something I could never forget, but I do, it is overwhelming. Eventually I remember again, or read http://adrr.com/living/ again, refreshing the dates.

With Jessica's death, the narrative changed as I understood the cause of her death and the events more and more. It was too much to deal with, the death of my first and oldest child, nothing like I had ever experienced before. But that doesn't mean she didn't die either or that the experience was not intense beyond words. Reality is not so simple.

Well, two birthdays to go, Valentines week is always difficult, starting around the 26th of December, then the 26th of January, then to the 16th of February. But oh, if making those things not have happened was so simple as the fact that my narratives are not always verbatim the same.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Feeling so very mortal ...

I really enjoy Judo, but over the last ten months I've had a string of injuries. I'm 51 and have come to realize that perhaps constant injuries are really not a way of life for me. Kind of why I quit practicing last time, now that I think about it.

This time I realized that perhaps I was making a mistake when I was out with a bad cold, went back and injured my shoulder again and thought about what I was doing. Two months with a cracked rib. Three months with a cranked elbow. Six months of various shoulder injuries. I'm actually less flexible now than when I started, thanks to the arm and shoulder exercises.

I decided that the fun was probably not worth the reduction in health. Maybe if I were younger.

When I was younger, especially when I had arm and shoulder strength, anything was possible. Bengoshi Waza was written to explain to some friends how I schooled a rather arrogant black belt, night after night, in Wichita Falls. I threw him for eighteen ippons and never got thrown for even a Yuko in return. (As you might guess, I was showing off for my wife, but he was a national level competitor and just asked for it, if you know what I mean, and kept pushing, night after night).

But having to lay off any shoulder/arm exercises for three years with the rotator cuff problems I have (resolved, it was a simple inflammation that I eventually was able to fix with just losing some weight and fixing my posture) left me facing a completely different side of Judo, being weaker and stiffer than everyone else instead of much, much stronger. The injuries and the flexibility loss have changed things too.

Will I return? Who knows, though at fifty-one, I think I need to have second thoughts, though I am finally getting some arm and shoulder strength back.

I've had a lot of feelings this past week, it has been very rough, but now I'm doing much better and at rest. Some days are iron, some days are stone -- but often some days are just glorious, with stars falling from the sky (ok, I like snow fall).


Quick note, when I was showing off for my wife, I had qualified for nationals two years before. I was an inch or so shorter than the guy, but I was thirty pounds heavier. However, my first work out coming back I wasn't even to the sparring when I realized I didn't know Judo and decided I needed to relearn it from the beginning as if I had never had a class before. It was great, I learned a lot (which shows you how much of what I did before was just strength and speed and how little I really knew. Luckily the injuries are all to muscles, none to the joints, so they aren't permanent. Anyway, thought I owed an afterwards).

Leaving Judo for now

I really enjoy Judo, but over the last ten months I've had a string of injuries. I was out with a bad cold, went back and injured myself and thought about what I was doing. Two months with a cracked rib. Three months with a cranked elbow. Six months of various shoulder injuries. I'm actually less flexible now than when I started.

I decided that the fun was probably not worth the reduction in health. Maybe if I were younger.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Memories

Memories
May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget

So it the laughter
The laughter, We'll remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were

Today is so bittersweet, so very bittersweet. So very sweet to wake up with my wife beside me (though the cat as an alarm clock is not necessarily the best way to wake up, having him bother her instead of me ... seems somehow right since he is her cat ... though I got up and fed him, and am writing this post now while she sleeps, wrapped up in my shirt and my love) .

But today is also the day that Jessica died. I know that grief endures only because love endures, and while it is bitter that the grief always remains with those who bury children, it is sweet to know that our love for our children always remains.

Until we meet again, I have memories, I have love.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Comments on weight, Shangri-la, etc.

My weight remains stable. My SLD calories push it down, I eat a little junk food to push it up, it stays in equilibrium. I find that calcium is important, for whatever reason.

So, that has been a success, I still run up the stairs at work once a day or so just to celebrate being alive.

I still believe that most "standard" ways to lose weight are dangerous, misleading, and harmful.

I confess, I don't think about food, about the Shangril-la Diet, and about a lot of things much any more. They are just part of my life, a bland part, like breathing. I really hope that the same things will be true for more and more people. Being thin does not mean having the mandate of Heaven and is not proof of the grace of God. Being fat is not ugly and is not a sign of sin. It just is, and both states are either impossible to control by normal means or easy for some people to control with flavorless calories. But they have nothing to do with grace or sin or virtue.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

It is my fault, but could you help me

So often in our relationships we need to say "It is my fault, but could you help me" so that people do not hear the message "I've got a problem and I'm blaming you" when we ask for their help. I learned that lesson about things I'd lost. If I just said "my gloves are lost, if you see, them, let me know" the message that was received, somehow, is "you lost my gloves."

That isn't what I wanted to communicate. But if I say "I managed to lose my gloves and haven't found them yet. If you come across them, wherever it was that I managed to leave them, let me know, I'd really appreciate it" I've given the message that
  • I know that losing my gloves is my fault; and,
  • I don't expect you to go looking for them, but if you notice them, know they are lost or misplaced, not left in some foolish place on purpose.
That is a useful way to talk and to ask for casual help. Oh, if you find something, always let the other person know "Hey, I managed to luck across where I'd lost my gloves." That way they know that they don't need to keep an eye out for you.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

A friend's comments on mortality

Ozarque has been writing about mortality:

It is easy to forget that we are all mortal, especially on a cold, sharp morning with kids on a sleepover eating waffles and sausage. But we are, and it helps to plan for life to continue. Grief and loss are hard, but there are things we can do to make the transitions more human, more survivable.

Monday, January 08, 2007

I wish you continued happiness...

Some one said that in the comments, and I really appreciated the thought.

It is what I'm feeling these days, not sure it is worth blogging about, but it is a lot more pleasant than the alternatives.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

What does submission mean ...

A friend of mine, Pistas3, has made some comments about Paul's writings being pro-women when read as intended. She has been a little busy (I asked her almost seven years ago it seems for a longer comment ... but graduate school and life happen to us all), but I found a similar scholarly analysis:

In fact, Ephes. 5.22 is elliptical, and so when Paul gets around to saying "wives to husbands as to the Lord." and so on, he is presupposing the meaning of submission enunciated in vs. 21--namely that that wife's submission should only be offered in the context of mutual submission. When the husband is exhorted to love his wife as Christ does the church, this is another form that mutual submission takes in Christ.


Mutual submission in Christ is what submission means, not one to the other.

So, how are we doing ...

Well, other than wanting to see more friends more often (things get so busy), this is probably the best Christmas we've had. Now, if we can only catch up with the Greens (and my thanks to the people who sent me the phone number for Billy Joe -- your e-mail address bounced when I sent a thank you note to you, but I had a great talk with him and he gave me Bob Smith's number to [I think, I had the strangest dream and woke up with Bob Smith's number on my telephone's saved number list]).

Our Christmas letter follows. I think we got them all mailed (they were in the kitchen when we had our fire, and I still worry ...).


*

Heather

is at BYU. A

Neuroscience Major

Rachel is now in first grade

with Soccer, Girl Scouts, Judo

Piano, Earthsavers, Book Buddies

Chess Club. Mom tired. Steve is still

at St. Paul Travelers. Happy man. Skinny

man. He lost 75 pounds. In Judo too. His

Mom and Dad moved in down the street. Bought

a house and started major renovations. Win still doing

Anesthesia. Chairs Landscaping project for elementary school,

chairs Ward Activity Committee. Girl Scout Leader. Very Tired


Perfect

&

gorgeous.



That was our family Christmas letter. I got Win to approve it when she was very tired, later, on reading it again, she laughed when she realized I was talking about her being perfect and gorgeous, then realized I had sent that out to everyone we sent cards to (though we lost too many addresses in a PDA crash and the fire).

I'm so grateful to have gotten through a Christmas without the memories overwhelming us or another tragedy striking and to have a living, happy seven-year-old in the house, and Heather home for the holidays.



Another blog by a parent in grief. http://barbtries.blogspot.com/

Monday, December 25, 2006

Breathe

Well, it is the "real" Christmas morning and everyone is still healthy and breathing.

Sometimes you just need to be grateful and to breathe.

Sometimes there is nothing more that you can really give or that you really need.







Christmas with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square

almost as good as Christmas at home with my sleeping baby (ok, she is really seven years old now, but she is sleeping like a baby).

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas Books.

Each Little Bird That Sings (Golden Kite Honors (Awards)) by Deborah Wiles (Hardcover - Mar 1, 2005) -- a story of death, life and transition, about a ten year old girl whose family owns the town's funeral home when death visits her. As a reviewer said "The book could easily have turned cutesy or, 190 degrees the other way, overly morbid. That it is neither of these is something just short of a miracle."

For a time when you need someone else's grief and someone else's humor.



We had a lot of books for Christmas at our house. (Yes, we had Christmas a day early because of work and other issues).

May you have found a good book for Christmas, to bring Christ and his hope back into your life.


I'd love to have the suggestions of any visitors of good books.

Friday, December 22, 2006

I didn't know that was what they really meant

"Birds, I've missed birds. I knew they flew south for the winter, but I didn't know that was what they really meant -- that they would all be gone."

When the birds fly south for the winter from Dallas, it means the geese fly over head and the ducks leave, but lots of birds are still to be found. In Utah, my daughter discovered that when the birds go south for the summer they all go south, leaving a land completely barren of flying things.

Yes, Heather is back from BYU for Christmas, Rachel is now seven and still alive and it has been a wonderful day.

When they told me that when I got older I'd be happy with simple things, I didn't know that was what they meant.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Only girl in the chess tournament, youngest too.

Rachel went to her first chess tournament. She was the only first grader from her school, the only girl at the tournament. Small, just three schools teams (I think, may have been four), Swiss style tournament. She came in sixth place and her team took first place.

I'm pleased as punch, to use the old saying, and it was a great day. I had to skip a test for Judo, but Rachel is more important. I'll have next year, but this was her only chance to be the only six year old in a chess tournament, her first, and to bring home a trophy (different trophies for sixth through first place).

Friday, December 15, 2006

Peacetalk 101 -- Elgin's Advent Story


Another book by Elgin, about someone who found hope in the Christmas Holiday after falling into the deepest of despair. Read the reviews and the sample chapter on-line to decide if it is for you.

Peacetalk 101 (Paperback)
by Suzette Haden Elgin
(5 customer reviews)
29 used & new from $6.00



What other books can you think of that preach hope to people who face despair?

For more on Elgin visit http://ozarque.com or her blog at http://ozarque.livejournal.com/

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Patricia A. McKillip, reprise

  • http://www.sff.net/odyssey/mckillip.html
  • http://greenbooks.theonering.net/tributes/files/pat_mckillip.html

I just read her Alphabet of Thorns -- just when I really needed a book of that sort. It brought me joy.

So I decided to look for more about her on-line. Found things that Google didn't provide me before, such as the link above.

Alphabet of Thorn
Alphabet of Thorn by Patricia A. McKillip (Hardcover - Feb 3, 2004) - Bargain Price
Used & new from $6.99
In Stock

Is what Amazon had to say. I'm afraid I paid about that for a trade paperback,
but I'm glad


If there are books that have helped you or given you comfort when you needed it, please mention them in the comments.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Seasons of the heart, emotions and time

Christmas season brings up such a flow of emotion in almost everyone. The vitality of emotion also causes everything driven by emotion to surface, as well as emotions. Grief, joy, love, sorrow, gratitude and resentment all rise on the same tide.

At the same time, in grief, there are separate seasons of the heart, driven by events, by memories, by anniversaries and by the passage of time. Sometimes they coincide with the physical seasons and the ebb and flow of holidays. That is especially true in my life.

I find that if I allow everything to rise, to flow through me and into me and to become a part of me (which it already is), then I am me for the season, and can encompass the joy of it along with the sorrow, the sweet as well as the bitter. To be one makes me whole.

May you be whole this season, healed by the light that is in Christ.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Normal does not equal desirable. Or even survivable.

Normal does not equal desirable. Or even survivable.

That is a great line. So many things in grief are "normal" and yet so many people do not survive them.

God bless all of you, each and every one. May normal for you be desirable, and may the season bring you joy.

Christmas Program (by Win Marsh)

Christmas Program December, 2006

6:30 pm – Santa set up in overflow area


7:00 pm – Dinner service begins with Bishopric offering opening prayer


7:15 pm – 15th Street Starts (Singing group, beautiful harmonies)


7:30 pm Lights Dim


Vance Bryson in chair with microphone.

Picks up scriptures and starts to read

Read Luke Chapter 2, Verses 1-5

Mary and Joseph walk into the room from back entrance. Both look tired. Joseph is helping Mary who is obviously pregnant. They have a lantern.


Joseph:
“Oh Mary, we are finally here in Bethlehem. Now we just need to find a place to stay. “


Mary
looks at him and nods. She walks as if she is exhausted.


Joseph:
“ I’m sure you feel better after a rest. (Pause) I see an Inn right over there. Do you think you can go just a little farther?”


Joseph and Mary present themselves at the door. There is an Innkeeper outside sweeping.


Innkeeper #1:
“Don’t even ask. Every room is full. The hall is full. There are absolutely no rooms left. Try my brother’s place across the way. He still had a room available this afternoon.” Innkeeper waves them off towards the other side of the cultural hall.


Mary and Joseph walk on to the second door. They knock.


Joseph: “Your brother told us that you might have a room.”


Innkeeper #2:
“ I did have a room. A terrible room. But even it is gone now. There have been so many people arriving today that there just isn’t anything left in town. Even my own house is rented out. My family is staying with my cousin.”


Mary and Joseph slowly walk away. Walk through diners towards other side of cultural hall.


“O Little Town of Bethlehem

Joseph knocks on third door.

Innkeeper just waves them away.

Innkeeper stops and watches them walk away.

Mary and Joseph slump their shoulders and walk slower and slower. Innkeeper watches, pauses, calls them back.


Innkeeper #3: “Come back. You won’t find rooms tonight. There is no room in my inn – or in any other inn tonight in Bethlehem. I do have a stable. We could put down some clean straw and a couple of blankets. It is the best I can do for you tonight. It is safe and out of the wind.”


Mary and Joseph look at each other, nod and go back to the innkeeper. They are led out the door.


Vance: Read Matt Chapter 2: Verses 1-9


Young Men enter through back doors singing “We Three Kings” and travel out through the doors closest to the stage.


Vance: Read Luke Chapter 2: Verses 8-12

Shepherds are gathered with their animals. Angel appears. They follow angel across the room to the door closest to the stage.


“Away In A Manger”


Curtains open: Nativity Scene


“Silent Night”


Curtains Close


FireTruck at the Marsh House

Rachel thought it was the neatest thing ever. Myself, I'm not a big fan of stove fires breaking out while I'm not in the house, and I'd have been happier if the doors throughout the house were closed instead of open, but the turkey got its last revenge ...

The fire department dropped by, used their blower to evacuate smoke, confirmed things were at a non-toxic level, gave Rachel a tour of the fire engine (it was really neat) and were properly buff and heroic. We've a lot of laundry left to do, but I washed the counter tops and floor and then Win did it again.

I'm grateful it is over and that everyone is OK. I'm also grateful it wasn't my fault. Better to be mildly amused and helping out ...

It is a wonderful morning.

Automated spammers ... amazed beyond belief

My website, adrr.com, had the following for last month:

2528 1.60% 45399 3.30% /Guestbook/guestbook.cgi

That is twenty-five hundred hits plus on a cgi script that doesn't do anything on my website and that has no external links to it. All of those by spam robots.

I've gone from a mild distaste for spam, to a real dislike of it, to being stunned beyond belief at it.

BTW

# Hits Search String

1 501 10.11% swords
2 131 2.64% mediation
3 118 2.38% adr
4 88 1.78% fallen angels
5 79 1.59% alternative dispute resolution
6 79 1.59% what makes a hero
7 44 0.89% death of a child
8 44 0.89% real swords
9 40 0.81% loss of a child
10 34 0.69% que es la comunicacion
11 25 0.50% oni
12 22 0.44% heroquest
13 22 0.44% wing commander
14 20 0.40% adr dispute resolution
15 20 0.40% shared custody
16 19 0.38% necro
17 15 0.30% divorce law in texas
18 14 0.28% mediation statistics
19 14 0.28% wolf man
20 13 0.26% joint physical custody



As long as the following statistic remains true, the site remains up:

8 375 0.24% 212 0.87% /living/sloss.htm

In spite of spam, some good is being done.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Understanding vs. endorsing

I once made the mistake of responding to the question "how can x group be so blind or so stupid as to not ..." The response to explaining why the mistake was being made was so harsh I left that group. There were too many members who could not separate understanding from endorsing, explaining from believing (though one person remarked that I was continually making the mistake of explaining both sides of an issue and thereby irritating people who had chosen one side or the other).

Understanding is not endorsing. Much like a refusal to talk is merely a choice of communication strategies.

"We do not talk with terrorists" or "we do not talk with criminals" seems silly when you ask the person saying it "So, do you mean you do not communicate with them?" Not only that, but most police departments have found that they get better law enforcement and achieve their goals better when they communicate with, usually by talking with, those who have taken hostages or committed other crimes. It would amaze many people to learn just how much good police work is done by talking.

It would amaze many people how important to good police work understanding is.

The police are the last to endorse crime, to intend to give in to criminals. Yet, they are the first to understand and to communicate with criminals, given the chance.

Understanding is not endorsement, communication and talk is not surrender.

Responsibility v. Caprice

A while back I read an essay that contrasted communities of duty against those of choice. It was interesting, and from a liberal perspective made the first argument against gay marriage that made any sense to me (not that it was convincing, but at least it made sense), but in trying to understand, it missed the point.

The point is not that some people have communities and relationships formed by duty and some that are created by choice, but that some people are responsible and some people appear to be ruled by caprice and whim.

There may be some issue of duty in terms of family members caring for family members, but it is more about being responsible. There may be some duty in members of the church caring for each other, but it is more about love and responsibility. The same is true of those who participate in the children's medical clinic we have locally. I guess some one who volunteers feels a duty, but mostly they are just responsible and they chose compassion.

The network of relationships that forms any community has a great deal of choice, but it is founded on responsibility, not duty. It is not as if there is some lifeless, drudge filled "red" state of mind driven my grudging duty that should be juxtaposed against the glorious freedom of choice and the blue light of freedom.

Rather, many people see it as a choice between being responsible and being ruled by caprice and whim. Aesop got it. Bruce Hafen understood it (see his "love is not blind" speech). But until someone understands that what is going on is perceived as a clash between responsibility and arbitrary caprice rather than a clash between duty and choice, they will not understand and will only insult instead of engage.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Rachel, I think that's cheating ...

Though darn inventive ...

My six-year-old created an alphabet code (one where you replace letters with various numbers). Nothing big, except she invented the idea herself. She then wrote a message in her code.

My wife asked her what she was writing. "The difficult spelling words." Yes, she planned to remember the complete code and translate from the numbers back to words for the difficult first grade spelling words ...

We broke it to her that her plan was probably cheating, not to mention harder than just learning the words (her code wasn't strictly alphabetical and did not include all the letters, only the ones in the words and a few more that she really likes).

Creative little kid though. I sure do love her.

Rhythms of Communication: The Universal Language

There are certain communication patterns that are hardwired into human infants. Every child, well before they can speak, if they can hear, speaks the universal rhythms.
  • The pattern of encouragement ("good boy, yeah");
  • The staccato "no, no, no" pattern;
  • The comforting rhythm ("oooh");
  • The happy "look at that honey" pattern; and,
  • "Watch out" or beware.
Is there a universal grammar for human beings? Is more than this set of rhythms innate? I do not know. But even the deaf, for whom sounds must be touch (rather than the famous "sound is touch at a distance") speak this language, hear and feel and see the patterns, when they are children, before they know words or signs or even that they really are.

When the angel appeared to the shepherds, I wonder what rhythm he or she spoke "Fear not" to -- Angels say that so often it must be universal too.

December Morning ...

Memories haunt me in December. Intensely sometimes, not at others, all the more so with a six-year-old in my life again. With any luck, this December will pass and the echoes will pass with it.

I often save things to read for times like this. One thing I saved was an oral history of Philip M. Flammer, a professor I dearly enjoyed when I was younger. It did not fail me, and I really enjoyed it (you can too, as a call to BYU can get you a photocopy of Richard Poll's interview of Philip Flammer in the Joint Oral History Project).

I'd still like to find him (I got the history trying to find him through BYU just after he retired) to tell him just how much I appreciate things he taught me that stayed with me through my life.

Even in this December.