But what have you done?

My mother-in-law tells the story of her first ward after she was married.

The bishop had her in for a "get to know you" interview and asked her to tell him about herself.

She started with family that survived winter quarters, founded towns in Nevada, a grandmother who found the church through a vision that directed her to meet the missionaries on a bridge and ...

The bishop said "it is nice to hear about your family, but I wanted to know about you and what you had done."

She says she learned then that what was important was not where the past had been, but what she made of the future, what she was going to do.  So when she looks at herself, she asks the question, "what have I done, and what am I doing now."

There are often seminal questions we ask ourselves:

• What do I really want to be?
• What am I doing and where does it take me?
• What have I, not my family or my friends, done to make the world a better place?
• What do I care about and who?

What questions do you ask yourself?  What questions do you think you should ask yourself?

Asking Questions: What should I expect from this lesson?

In the Lorenzo Snow manual there is a sub-heading (on page 25) "Ministering to Individuals."  It talks about leaders ministering to individuals and not letting their leadership callings get in the way.

The example they give is an event in 1891 where Lorenzo Snow raised a child from the dead.

I read the example and I asked myself both what I am expect to expect of myself, and what it is fair to expect from leaders based on this story.

If I experience great sorrow, should I expect an Apostle to come and comfort me?  Do I have the right to expect them to raise the dead if I have a child die?

If not, what is the point of the example?

I ask myself questions like that. 

Since this is the sole time that Elder Snow raised the dead I don't think that (that I should expect the dead to be raised) is a fair expectation.  Since during times of great loss I ended up without even a home teacher until God sent us Alan Black.  I don't think it is probable that I should expect more.

But what should I learn to expect from myself then?  What do I learn from that story if not what to expect from leaders?  Taking the story deeper than the surface, what should I do in likening that example to myself in doing what I should do?

What do you think?

• What is important to pay attention to.
• What are we to care about and to do first?
• What should we expect of others?
• What should we expect of ourselves?
• How do we expect the things we should expect?

On diet supplements and vitamins

My mother got a free subscription to a nutrition magazine that mostly wrote about various supplements you could take for better health.  But she cancelled it in disgust after they had a special article about one of their doctors.



He took calcium with vitamin D (a standard calcium formulation) and fish oil (which you can get at SAMS or Costco).  That was it.

Rather than being inspired to take what he took, in the more expensive brands, she realized that this guy might design and sell expensive custom supplements, but he wasn't using any of them.  What he was using you could buy cheaply at any big box store -- and they were both things that she was already taking.

The truth is that most people do not get enough sunlight on their skin.  The good to that is that they do not wrinkle or get skin cancers.  The bad is that they are short of vitamin D.  Do they need expensive prescribed supplements (the new wave of value added services that many doctors are offering)?  No.

Other than that, calcium and fish oil (if  you have high triglycerides or cholesterol problems) and you are good to go.  On the fish oil, the Wall Street Journal has run some interesting articles, since trying to turn fish oil into money has proven very hard.  Expensive formulations and other approaches have failed to provide any better result than inexpensive bulk sources.  The same is pretty much true of calcium, though a little vitamin C, a little vitamin D and your body makes better use of it.

There are many things that in small amounts, or in specific limited areas, are very valuable.  But in more esoteric or more expensive approaches they offer little additional benefit or value, or none at all, just like vitamin and other nutritional supplements.

It is a useful lesson.

Women in the Military, women in combat

There has been a lot of discussion over the years about women in the military.

Specifically, women in combat.  Four things came together to make it happen.

First, women find themselves in combat in the current military in our country and in other countries.  A Woman Soldier's Own Story is an example of  that.  They are on patrol, in dog fights, getting ambushed while driving trucks.  They end up in combat over and over again, they just do not get jobs that say "combat" in them.

Consider Hesitation Kills: A Female Marine Officer's Combat Experience in Iraq.

Second, the equipment changed.  An M-1 or an M-14 did not lend itself to either women or children in combat.  With M-16s we have child soldiers the world over.  Female fighter pilots are found the world over now.  Upper body strength matters in some settings, but no where near what it did.  For gear worn on the body, it requires trunk and leg strength where women are equivalent to men.

Third, there are career issues, both in the military and in civilian life.  I still remember realizing that if I got a perfect score applying for the post office, a guy who had "combat role" on his resume (even if he never made it off a flight line) could get what was otherwise a failing score and get more points than I could applying for one of those jobs.

The same is basically true for a woman who has actually been in combat but who is not credited with a job that is a combat role.

Fourth and finally, they have started taking a better approach -- everyone has to pass the same physical requirements for a job.  Notice the Marine Corp recently washing out its first two female candidates (both of whom looked very good) just like they wash out many men. 

Compare the way it used to go, time after time, in similar efforts.  For example, in my dad's MO, his military job,, there was a strength requirement.  A female general got it into her head that the field would be good for women and as a part of that, changed the requirement for women.  Err, the people work as four person teams.  The strength requirement was the ability to lift 1/4th of the weight of the missiles that were being worked on.

Any time you got two of the new recruits into the field on the same team, the missiles could not be lifted or moved.

Those sorts of waivers have gone away.  Everyone competes on an even footing.

Anyway, that is what is going on with women in combat, four streams coming together at the same time.

"This conspiracy of silence was partially my fault because, as is typical and understandable of those battling with the huge physiological and psychological demands of acute grief, I simply did not have it in me to coach others on how to reach me."

Well said.  It is a country where none of us have been, and no one knows the customs.   It leads to a conspiracy of silence because no one knows how to lead the way.

That is from a blog that has a huge number of comments and followers, a huge audience, and deserves it.

More tiny house news

Ella and Tumbleweed: A Perfect Combination Ella Jenkins, has recently joined The Tumbleweed Tiny House Company. Ella will be presenting at our workshops. She will also be writing stories about living in Little Yellow inspiring everyone to simplify your life leading by example. "I chose the name Little Yellow (Buidhe Bheag) because to me, yellow means sunshine, daffodils and California. In Scottish Gaelic, the colour yellow (buidhe) is often used as a positive emphasis symbolizing happiness, luck or beauty. A person who is "pretty, yellow" (brèagha, buidhe) is very pretty indeed and The phrase "I am yellow" (tha mi buidhe) means that one is well, happy or satisfied." More See more images of Little Yellow A Letter from Jay Shafer Dear Friends, After 12 great years, I have left Tumbleweed Tiny House Company, which I founded, to form Four Lights Tiny House Company. I'm excited to share that I've just made three new tiny house designs available at Four Lights Houses. All three can be mounted on wheels or a foundation and, in response to popular demand, two have beds downstairs. I've also been busily refining my tiny house building workshops into a visual and interactive curriculum that's great for all levels of experience. New demonstrations and models ensure an exciting learning experience for all. Read about why the first workshop is particularly dear to me, get an update on my tiny house village project, and more HERE. Viva la Tiny Revolution!

Living with Grief

When Jessica first died, I had sent to me a quote from David O. McKay's wife about how, in her 80s, she and another lady talked about how the grief of losing a child, having them die before you, never really pases.

It is one thing to read about that sort of thing, another to experience it as life goes on.

I also read, from time to time, of the grief rituals that people and their extended family have.  Families that gather around a date involving the death of a child.  Then I think of my family, where we are scattered across states rather than across a few towns or a metroplex area.  And multiple deaths.

At times it seems surreal.  Sorry.  I'm not ready to be someone with a tragic backstory.  Especially someone who seems so normal, so pedestrian.  I look at my wife and think, sometimes, but you are too gorgeous, too level headed, too professional to have a multiple incident tragic backstory.  Sorry, it just doesn't fit.

I know, it is the season.

I know, unexpected triggers.  Watched the wrong television show and was overwhelmed at the end.  Posted to facebook without thinking.  First comment was ... "spoilers" ... so I deleted the comment after I got over crying.

I hadn't thought.  Then I was abashed that after all this time coping with grief, I could still be overwhelmed enough to slip.

Time to go back to sleep.  I've a meeting at 7:00 to go to.  It is going to be a full day.