One thing that happened, each time a child died, a coping mechanism that I was using broke with the death.
I used to walk by myself to reduce stress, I just couldn't do it until last year. Unless someone walked with me I just couldn't do it. I started working out with Shotokan again after Courtney died and before Robin died. I had real problems trying to do that again, even though I loved karate.
But a couple of years ago, that finally started working for me.
Journaling is something I have been able to do again.
In many ways, it is as if in the last two-three years my life has started over. Heck, about fourteen years ago, when I started losing weight (and could tolerate losing weight) it was obvious that things were still moving.
The recovery from grief and the broken parts of my life has been continuing and steady.
I could wish I were younger but time and age happen to us all.
I'm so grateful for my life, for my children and most of all, for my wife who has stayed with me through thick and thin.