So often in our relationships we need to say "It is my fault, but could you help me" so that people do not hear the message "I've got a problem and I'm blaming you" when we ask for their help. I learned that lesson about things I'd lost. If I just said "my gloves are lost, if you see, them, let me know" the message that was received, somehow, is "you lost my gloves."
That isn't what I wanted to communicate. But if I say "I managed to lose my gloves and haven't found them yet. If you come across them, wherever it was that I managed to leave them, let me know, I'd really appreciate it" I've given the message that
- I know that losing my gloves is my fault; and,
- I don't expect you to go looking for them, but if you notice them, know they are lost or misplaced, not left in some foolish place on purpose.
That is a useful way to talk and to ask for casual help. Oh, if you find something, always let the other person know "Hey, I managed to luck across where I'd lost my gloves." That way they know that they don't need to keep an eye out for you.
4 comments:
Here is an example of what not to say:
Yo Stella! What the @@### did ya do with the remote! You are always losing things you idiot.
I like your way much better. Indirect phrasing is often something that the male gender does not do as readility as women. For example, women will often say would you....while a man will give a command such as hand me that such and such. I like metacommmunicating topics.
Despite my earlier humor, this is something I will keep in mind if I loose something.
lose something. I know some people hate spelling areas so I had to correct.
I hopefully am not losing my mind. Please keep an eye out for it. :) Just kidding!
Excellent! Thanks for this advice.
I find, with in myself, when I am most fragile and most upset or distraught that I yell my woes to the world, and blame everyone for everything.
It isn't logical at all. It's my way of letting off steam.
I have learned to just yell and not at my family. But, it was a hard lesson.
Isn't it ironic, how some things are so easy to *get*,but so much harder to implement.
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