Egypt

The most incredible part of what is going on is the places where the demonstrators are responding to beatings with serving water and refreshments to the police after the beatings.

The ongoing story is incredible.

What went wrong with my FMH post

I have a simple riff I've done on "what are guys thinking?"  It is kind of funny, kind of true (when limited to "guys" -- that is the mainstream social construct you are likely to encounter in America). I've a second riff that relates to the results of what happens as guys transition to being men and how they learn to see the real beauty in people around them rather than skin deep.  The two kind of go together.

So, in addition to my Elgin System post (about Suzette Haden Elgin, author of the feminist Native Tongue trilogy, and her solutions and ways to deal with verbal violence), I did my "what are guys thinking?" riff.

Some people liked it, but I managed to irritate a lot of people, partially because of the way I attempted to do a better job of expressing myself (things such as adding a consistent flow through metaphor "the secret life of men") and mostly because I let my terms slide.

To begin with, to make my metaphor work better, I substituted "men" in for "guys." That obscured the point that I meant young guys who are swallowed up in their culture and have not learned to think for themselves.  Once I had stepped off on that foot, it was down hill from there for many readers.

Hindsight is 20-20.  But that is how what I thought was a light, frothy bit of writing with a bit of sweetness and hope at the end managed to generate a lot more attention and irritation than I expected.

At least it was not as much a failure as my essay on http://www.wheatandtares.org/2011/01/26/dealing-with-feelings-of-failure/ at Wheat & Tares.  That essay was the least successful essay I've ever posted there.

Well, next week can't help but get better.  Emotionally this was a bit of an overwhelming week.  I don't know why the grief hit me so hard on the 26th, or why this week was so rough compared with last year.  Maybe it was Win being out of town.  Maybe it was the way my home teaching companion's schedule (he commutes from Chile) and the families I home teach had things come together (I ended up having to home teach yesterday to make it work), maybe it was running into a car door (I have an inch and a half gash on my head now), and maybe it is just the weather.

Well, if they ever ask me back, I'll learn from this experience.

---

I also missed that at times how you interact with your audience very much depends on:

• how much goodwill the members have towards you;
• even more, nuance that is much easier to express in person than in print;
• the level of pain people have from related conversations.

People who knew me tended to read the essay a great deal differently from those who did not. In person I've never delivered the riffs to anyone who was not part of a group that knew me well and was kindly disposed towards me. I've never delivered it other than in person before.  I've never dropped it naked onto someone experiencing pain from related conversations.

I continue to mull it over, as I reflect on what works and what doesn't. 

A little rebirth

I was really feeling swamped at work, a failure in my personal life and just overwhelmed.  Then Win came back from visiting her aunt Bobbie and I'm suddenly feeling hope and light again.

I miss my girls.  I miss much of what I hoped my life would be.  But my dear wife gives me such hope and joy.

It is hard to explain, but it is a little like being reborn every time I see her.

Wichita Falls Visit

They look old, that's not right, I'm the only one whose gotten old ...

Was looking at some wedding pictures.  The bride's parents looked old.  I turned to my wife, "that's not right.  I'm sure I'm the only one who looks old these days."  Guess it is happening to all of us.

Life is full of surprises.  We had some house guests for a funeral.  They were quieter than the cat. What else can I say about them, other than they were more pleasant than the cat as well.

Lots of blogging going on about law schools.  The New York Times article has really drawn a lot of attention.

Reminded me of when I wrote the material at http://www.adrr.com/law0/ 

My personal experience is at http://ethesis.blogspot.com/2007/09/my-law-school-experience.html

Things have only gotten harsher in the direction predicted as law schools have about doubled in number and tuition has grown much faster than inflation (I paid about $400.00 a semester for law school, about $4,000.00 total when you include books, had about $5,000.00 in debt when I graduated.  Now $140,000.00 is more common.  There has not been that much inflation).

Guess many things have gotten old.

FMH is still young though, in spite of my latest guest post for "Manuary" at http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=3446

Our photographer, misc. updates, links.

has a blog ... http://yes-i-ka.blogspot.com/2010/11/m-family.html

We were very pleased with her work, and the pricing is the best I've encountered in a long while.

And someone, bless their hearts, blogged about me:

http://honoringourangels.blogspot.com/2010/12/ethesis.html

Also, pictures of Krista Oakes and her family about a month before she died.  She was so filled with life:

http://yes-i-ka.blogspot.com/2010/11/o-family.html

Firefox/Norton issues

I'm having issues with Firefox and Norton antivirus where Firefox fails to realize it has been updated (and where the updates hang on me if I don't interfere with the software).  It is rather obnoxious.  I'm getting tired of seeing the same update screen even though I've already updated to the current version it is telling me.  The software remains frozen.

Other than that, nothing to complain about so far this new year ;)

Finally found words to remember Courtney this year.

It was seventeen years ago, yesterday, that she died. I couldn't find the words to write about her all of yesterday. Now I can.

Glee, Christmas Memories, thoughts

We watched Glee as a family this week (the retelling of the Dr. Seuss story episode).  Most television I've watched this month. Part of it was the "hero" of the show talking about how early memories of Christmas ruin the future for us by creating so much magic and wonder that nothing can ever again reach that benchmark.

It made me think, though, how for some people, the first Christmas they remember might be so bad, nothing can ever fall short of the benchmark it sets.  All Christmases are better, not worse, often far better.

Which is why I feel so bad for my oldest daughter. The first Christmas she remembers is the one Jessica got sick over, the second, the one where Courtney died on December 26.  Makes this time of year hard to live down, but in a very different way from someone always striving to regain the magic of childhood.

Heather has been a trouper, though.  When no one else was up to a Christmas tree, she had one in her room, decorated with ornaments made from foil candy wrappers and the help of our babysitter. She is a great kid, and I wish her better memories for the future, each and every year.

As for Rachel, I'm not sure we will ever top this year, I don't expect to ever buy her a first pony or anything like that for the future.

Coda: Krista Oakes

I had a post about Mormons and Feminism at Wheat and Tares.

It occurred to me, after the funeral, that Krista Oakes made a perfect coda to the essay.

On the one hand she ran her own business, was twice the keynote speaker at the FDA/Industry annual conference for her industry, composed music and lived her own life.

On-line she was at:

• http://2ofus4now.org/ -- an LDS infertility, adoption, and pregnancy loss support network she started.
• http://onkristasmind.blogspot.com/ "I have brain cancer and a "blast" in my spine. Blog, blog, blog..." 

If you asked her to define herself, she would say: Gas pump virgin, conservative Texan, adoptive mommy to Jacob and Emma (world's greatest kids), small business owner, Mormon, diva, Leo, pampered wife, bookworm, author, clog dancer, third-generation insomniac, cookie monster, karate black belt, brain cancer survivor, and more - all rolled up into one tired but lovable bundle.

More is the loss to LDS feminists that people like Krista could not find a home with them.

We made it to the funeral, though Win had to take more pain medication to make it through (she is still post surgery, no lifting, will be off work for six more weeks) as it went almost two hours.  I found myself admiring President Mills very much, and, of course, respecting Krista even more.

She will be missed.  The ward program for Sunday had her doing two solos, in case anyone wondered how much of a surprise her death was.  She will not be easily replaced.

Surgery went well

Win's surgery went well. Love her so much. Scott & White is nice enough, but I am glad we will not have to be coming back.

New blog, old links, life, letter to my mom

The new blog is:  http://www.jrclswomen.blogspot.com/

 The old link is to a collection of old family "Christmas" letters:  http://adrr.com/living/family.htm

Now for the letter to my mom I need to send her:

Dear Mom:

One thing I hear over and over again is people complaining that their parents never would sit down and talk.  Or stand and talk.  Or talk at all. Saturday I got to thinking about that.  One thing you have always done is to be willing to sit and talk and to listen.

You would listen intelligently to anything.  When I was learning calculus and special relativity, you would listen and understand and talk with me about them.

At the time I did not realize that most moms would not do that (and could not, come to think). You did.  Any time.  Every time.  You and dad both took time for a hug, to tell me you loved me and to spend time.  And you, you were always willing to take time to listen.

I wanted to write you and just tell you that I appreciated that.  Not only do I love you, I am grateful for you. I just wanted you to know.

Steve.

RIP Krista Oaks

A dear sister in our ward died last night, leaving two pre-school age children behind.  She had just finished one more course of chemotherapy, was pain free in the area being treated and was scheduled for another MRI on the 15th to check to see if the glio had spread beyond the treatment regimen.

I do not know what to say.  Obviously it had.  She will be missed.

Strange, I've been thinking about becoming more invested in life, and I how I need to avoid avoiding that.


http://www.wheatandtares.org/2010/12/09/being-invested/

We were invested in Krista, Win more than I.  She will be very missed.

Something different, with fiddle player, for Christmas music

DADT news, thoughts

I subscribe to a military information list.  Usually it has stuff that appeals to game designer friends of mine (I call it science fiction meets reality).  For the most part, they are hard core, hard combat types (who else gets to test drive real weapons systems like grenade launchers that fire mini-grenades out like machine gun rounds).


Interestingly enough, the latest they were pushing was both dropping DADT and providing spousal benefits to the spouses of gay service members.


Of course their readership was all over the map.  As far as I can tell, if someone serves with someone they know is gay, they don't care about gays in the military, combat or otherwise.  If they have not, or are older (from the era of predatory male/female interactions in the military), they are hostile to the idea.  And the Air Force doesn't seem to care at all -- kind as if they were a non-combat branch.

The easy transition is to allow gays to be "out" any place or spec that women have.  That avoids the front line combat unit issue (the only place with a lot of resistance), yet ensures that everyone will meet gays. Probably take a year and DADT would dissolve of its own weight and experience.

So, repeal DADT for the Air Force and Navy, repeal it for all Army "non-combat" roles (everywhere women are currently allowed to serve) and punt on the Marines.  Get ready to repeal the entire thing in 12 months if it goes as expected.

Now I did have a friend tell me that gays are too valuable to risk in combat or the military, but that point of view aside, I think everyone else's issues and needs are met, with a rational transition, and a chance to pull back if it turns out there is something dramatically wrong with the idea vis a vis combat arms that recognition won't cure.

Yes, that means mixed status for a while, but this is something that should have/could have been begun a while back.  The sooner begun, the sooner a mess is behind us and the military's combat effectiveness is not diluted by distraction or politics.

Or that is my current thought.  Let me know where I am wrong.

Christmas letter 2010

Hello and Merry Christmas

            We are happy and enjoying life in Texas.  Rachel turns 11 just before Christmas and is enjoying sixth grade. Heather is 22 and has one more year to go to graduation in manufacturing engineering. Win still puts people to sleep (and wakes them back up again) for a living, and Steve is still an attorney with St. Paul Travelers.  We are still in Plano with Vinnie the cat and five chickens.

            Other than Win facing down a hawk to save the chickens, the most exciting thing we did this year is we went back to peppers in the garden.  Many of you have heard the story of how we accidentally cross-pollinated a crop of peppers.  No one is sure what happened, but touching them would give you a chemical burn and eventually we had to throw them out since they were just too dangerous -- even for a practical joke.

            This all happened before Rachel was born. The story has become a thing of legend in our home.  We still have a garden. And every year, as we pick out what we are going to grow this year, Rachel asks for a small plot for herself.   And every year, Rachel tries to recreate “The Year of Dangerous Peppers.”  This year Rachel planted jalapenos, bell peppers, anaheims and tabasco peppers.  

            There was no cross-pollination, but we did end up with a huge crop of peppers.  So, we tried to do something with the peppers. Anything.  Everything. We even began taking peppers to work. Alas, even co-workers would only take so many. It was almost as if we had zucchinis.  We tried a lot of cooking with peppers.  Still too many peppers.

            Rachel tried a “Lemonade and Organic Peppers” stand. She managed to sell a lot of lemonade, but not so many peppers.  In desperation, she started making people take peppers when they bought a drink.  That unloaded a few peppers .. And she raised $27.00 for Vest-a-Dog – a organization that provides bullet proof vests for SWAT team dogs.

            One day, Win came up with pepper relish and pepper jelly that was good.  Wow good.  Really good stuff.  We have discovered a great new food item and a easy way to use more peppers.  Suddenly, we don’t seem to have enough peppers. The relish goes fast at our house.  We even made some of Win's special cranberry ginger jam to distract people who were coming by for the pepper jelly.

            We hope that this holiday season finds you healthy, and safe.   We wish you all the joy and blessings that life and this season holds. And expect to be receiving peppers from us.

Love,

The Marsh Family

Steve, Win, Heather, and Rachel

Tithing settlement: 2 minutes on tithing, 20 on a sermon

I would probably quit going to tithing settlement if this was a normal practice, but our bishop decided to teach a sermon with each tithing settlement.

Since it was very inspiring, it touched everyone in the family, I'm grateful he did it. It was worth the half hour delay in getting to our visit (the visits were going overtime and by the time it was our turn he was running a little more than half an hour late) and the extra time for the meeting.

The season is blessed.

Family photo, Thanksgiving vacation

We got some wonderful photographs taken by a photographer in our ward. Seventeen of them turned out sparkling, better than I had expected. Here is one of them. Just one more thing to be grateful for ;)

THARCE-Gulu, a worthwhile charity

This is a worthwhile charity for this Christmas:

So she has returned to Uganda, with Mormon women, and built more homes.  When the Ugandan women said they wanted a community center, she knew this had to be the next goal.  And the fledgling organization she has created is called THARCE-Gulu (Reese is working on updating this site in the near future).  The plans are in the works to buy a piece of land in Gulu, and build a healing center where visiting therapists (therapy through art, storytelling, sports, film making) can come to help the former soldiers, and around which the community can center their activities.  Because right now they still meet under that tree.

So in an effort to make this happen, we at fMh will be ramping up a fund-raising drive.  THARCE-Gulu needs $30,000 to buy the land for the center, I have no idea what kind of funds the bloggernacle is capable of raising, but we will be doing whatever we can.  So far our plans include raffles, auctions, perhaps some friendly competition within the bloggernacle, maybe some fund-raising snackers/dinners.

http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=3381

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