Tuesday, December 27, 2005

In Memorium, Courtney Kathleen Marsh, February 16, 1992 to December 26, 1993. She was our baby.

Had a friend.
He married his high school sweetheart.
The year he turned 38, his first child started college, the second high school.
"Feels so empty" he said
"You'll understand."

I married later,
To someone I wish I'd known from childhood.
The year I turned 38, buried two children, lost another from miscarriage.
Feels so empty
I understand.

I wrote that, obviously, before we had the rest of the miscarriages and had buried Robin. I think I'll go listen to Felicia whose music is sadly out of print.

But I remember her this day, in joy and in sorrow, always a part of my life, always with a place in my heart.

The hundred dollar Christmas -- how someone did all of Christmas for under a hundred dollars and had joy in the holiday.


annegb said...

There is always the ache in the heart, isn't there? It hurts physically. I just carry on.

David B. said...


My heart goes out to you. I know that I can in no way comprehend the sense of loss you must feel.

This must be an especially difficult time of year for you. I wish you the best for the upcoming new year.

Although words fail me on what to say that might be of consolation to you, I did have this thought: I have faith that in the eternal scheme of things that you will one day have a fullness of joy. Those who have been taken from you now will be restored, and like Alma of old, one-day you may exclaim: "And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!" (Alma 36:20).

That is my hope for you. May the Lord be with you, and send you the comforting of His Spirit during this difficult season.

Stephen said...


I tried to answer your e-mail and the response bounced.

BTW, any chance you will be able to do a guest post for me? I'm still interested.

All in all we did ok today. The house ended up very clean, all of the Christmas decorations cleaned up and put away in storage, and we went out as a family.

I'm so grateful for my family and friends, and grateful that in spite of the pain, I know a lot of joy. My naturally happy self is surfacing after all these years.

My oldest daughter likes it, the six year old just assumes that being happy is normal for anyone around her and my dear wife takes peace from it.

Sarebear said...

I am so sorry for the heart- and soul-rending losses you have experienced. My thoughts have been with you . . . .

I am glad that you are enjoying your family and friends and holidays.

I wish that I could send you a big hug through the wires; you have been and are such an inspiration to me.

Thank you.

I'm not sure annegb ever got my email either, months ago when she asked me to email her (cause I never heard back!) Hi AnnegB!

annegb said...

No, I didn't get your e-mail, Sare,
I'll have to check with my server. Stephen, your problems may be with my re-signing up, I'll contact them. gardnera@netutah.com

It should work, my computer is completely new.

Sarebear, maybe the problem is my server isolates "junk" mail and sometimes it's unfamiliar addresses and I don't catch them.

I read your shares all the time and feel for you. I don't have bi-polar, but the constant depression and despair are so hard to deal with. I have 8 grandchildren and love my child and stepchildren and so many friends, but I feel incredibly sad much of the time. It's very hard to carry on.

I thought you just didn't want the contact.

Sarebear said...

I did and DO want the contact, I thought YOU regretted offering. Lol!

queen of silly at hotmail dot com

glo said...

Beautifully written.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your losses Stephen. God bless you and your family.