There are two stories that I want to share with you.
My daughter Courtney turned a year old just 2 weeks after my oldest daugthter died. I was not emotionally ready to celebrate anything, AND, at a year of age, Courtney would not know the difference. So .. No party. 11 months later, Courtney died. I still feel guilt that I never had a party for her.
When my oldest daughter was in the hospital and we found out that she was not going to live, a friend stopped by. She had lost a son at the age of 4. She made a statement that has stuck with me. She said, " You are going to have to decide how much else you are willing to lose." I gave her a confused look. She continued, " When you lose a child, it is all too easy to make that loss your focus. If you do that, you will lose other things also. You will lose your marriage, your other children, your job, your friends. Everything else will be gone. You have to decide how much more you willing to lose."
"How much more am I willing to lose?" That became the statement that I would repeat to myself in my head. That statement made me get up and do things with my other children. It made me focus on my marriage, it made me try to interact with other people.
Your son's death had nothing to do with goodness and evil, wrong or right. You did nothing to "earn" or "deserve"
this tragedy im your life. Horrible things happen in this life. I don' think we really notice all the tragedy in this world until we are personally involved. Grief opens our eyes and our hearts to different emotions. I think it connects us-- as individuals to the rest of humanity.
It is hard to breath somedays while learning to handle loss. Work on it. Make yourself breath, and walk, and care. Claim your life, make yourself love again. You will lose too much if you don't force yourself to move forward. Take the memories of your son, think of all the things you would do with him if he was still here, and do those things with your other children. You don't know what your future holds .. Love them while you can.
Take your grief, hold it tightly, don't let it go, but keep moving forward. I know that you can do it.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Advice from Win
My wife recently had the following to say to someone:
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Social Proof
In our hotel experiment, we considered the finding that the majority of hotel guests who encounter the towel reuse signs do actually recycle their towels at least some time during their stay. What if we simply informed guests of this fact? Would it have any influence on their participation in the conservation program relative to the participation rates that a basic environmental appeal yields? With the cooperation of a hotel manager, two of us and another colleague created two signs and placed them in hotel rooms. One was designed to reflect the type of basic environmental-protection message adopted throughout much of the hotel industry. It asked the guests to help save the environment and to show their respect for nature by participating in the program. A second sign used the social proof information by informing guests that the majority of guests at the hotel recycled their towels at least once during the course of their stay. These signs were randomly assigned to the rooms in the hotel.
Social proof is very important, as this particular experiment shows. The bottom line at that link? "That’s a 26 percent increase in participation relative to the industry standard, which we achieved simply by changing a few words on the sign to convey what others were doing. Not a bad improvement for a factor that people say has no influence on them at all."
I got a link to that study, and to some great video, from http://mormonmd.wordpress.com/2008/09/22/points-of-interest-31-2/ -- I'd have left a comment there if the blog allowed it, just to say thanks.
Social Proof is very important and so often overlooked as a persuasive tool, a verifier and a validation.
Never forget that lesson when considering what you are doing, why you are doing it or what you want others to do.
Monday, September 22, 2008
On the Wrathful
The verbal root of this word is אלף (A.L.Ph, Strong's #502) and means "learn," but more literally, to learn through association, as can be seen in the following verse.From http://kolobiv.blogspot.com/2008/09/sampling-school-of-prophets.html
Make no friendship with a man that is given to anger; And with a wrathful man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn this ways, And get a snare to thy soul. (ASV, Proverbs 22:25)
So much anger and wrath is learned from the wrathful and angry. The Bible has a great deal of good to warn us against when it warns us not to learn from them. The entire ADR movement is really a movement towards being peacemakers and away from wrath.
As an aside, I once was in a class where the instructor asked us what was the greatest revenge we could seek. A friend of mine answered that it was to let people remain in their ignorance so that they did not repent or change, but remained essentially damned by their lack of knowledge. Being wrathful does that to people, it blocks self-knowledge and the ability to change.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Class in America
Class in America is a topic that varies between the banned and the denied. I hadn't thought much on the subject until I started reading some of the stories and commentary at In the Shadow of Mt. Hollywood a blog that follows the stories that wrap in and out of the life of an English major who goes to Dartmouth and becomes a technical writer and computer programmer.
He is constantly dealing with managers who supervise him not because of their skill, but because they have mastered the right status or class markers. It is a kind of an Innocents Abroad set in modern America and the computer industry.
That led me to start paying more attention to class issues as they intersect reality. For example, A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby K. Payne explains why micro loans work, micro grants are a terrible failure. In the target class, money you've borrowed is yours. Money that is a windfall belongs to your community and you can't keep it for investment or yourself. Payne's goal is to teach educators what they need to know to understand and interact with various parts of the class system, and the difficulties that are especially faced by those at the bottom. Interestingly enough, in her conclusion she comments that an untouched topic is "the need to grieve and go through the grieving process as one teaches or works with the poor."
Important if you work with communities or conduct facilitation that involves the poor.
Less friendly, (well, a downright snark) is Class: A Guide Through the American Status System. it is a University of Pennsylvania Professor's re-write (in some ways) of Molloy's Dress for Success (which, amazingly, shares the same customers as Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)) and Live for Success -- a book that has actually helped a number of people make breakthroughs in their careers.
I think that it is really too bad that schools function by teaching class issues by osmosis, at best. Too often, a lack of understanding, of knowledge and of perspective creates people as lost as John Bruce's innocents (and not so innocents) that he describes at his blog, In the Shadow of Mt. Hollywood.
And too often those who desire to be mediators, facilitators or just to help, are blocked in their efforts by not having the knowledge and perspective that would come from understanding class.
If you are politically involved, if you volunteer at a charity, if you have a career, reading Molloy, and Payne really should have been a part of your preparation, of the essential skills that you should have been provided. In fact, if I were redoing the syllabus for my Essential Skills class I would note only have made the change to The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense at Work (since the book I prefer is out of print -- though Elgin has a new book due out next year that may be better, only she and her editor know for sure right now), but I would have added A Framework for Understanding Poverty to the mix. Perhaps if I start teaching again.
Well, just visited http://www.pointmediation.com/
Includes social cues and recommendations, something that has been fading for a while, and something I think is important -- because consumers find it important.
Wish him well.
Also, http://www.kobreguide.com/topic/Law is well worth visiting. Quality documentaries, for free download.
He is constantly dealing with managers who supervise him not because of their skill, but because they have mastered the right status or class markers. It is a kind of an Innocents Abroad set in modern America and the computer industry.
That led me to start paying more attention to class issues as they intersect reality. For example, A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby K. Payne explains why micro loans work, micro grants are a terrible failure. In the target class, money you've borrowed is yours. Money that is a windfall belongs to your community and you can't keep it for investment or yourself. Payne's goal is to teach educators what they need to know to understand and interact with various parts of the class system, and the difficulties that are especially faced by those at the bottom. Interestingly enough, in her conclusion she comments that an untouched topic is "the need to grieve and go through the grieving process as one teaches or works with the poor."
Important if you work with communities or conduct facilitation that involves the poor.
Less friendly, (well, a downright snark) is Class: A Guide Through the American Status System. it is a University of Pennsylvania Professor's re-write (in some ways) of Molloy's Dress for Success (which, amazingly, shares the same customers as Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)) and Live for Success -- a book that has actually helped a number of people make breakthroughs in their careers.
I think that it is really too bad that schools function by teaching class issues by osmosis, at best. Too often, a lack of understanding, of knowledge and of perspective creates people as lost as John Bruce's innocents (and not so innocents) that he describes at his blog, In the Shadow of Mt. Hollywood.
And too often those who desire to be mediators, facilitators or just to help, are blocked in their efforts by not having the knowledge and perspective that would come from understanding class.
If you are politically involved, if you volunteer at a charity, if you have a career, reading Molloy, and Payne really should have been a part of your preparation, of the essential skills that you should have been provided. In fact, if I were redoing the syllabus for my Essential Skills class I would note only have made the change to The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense at Work (since the book I prefer is out of print -- though Elgin has a new book due out next year that may be better, only she and her editor know for sure right now), but I would have added A Framework for Understanding Poverty to the mix. Perhaps if I start teaching again.
Well, just visited http://www.pointmediation.com/
Includes social cues and recommendations, something that has been fading for a while, and something I think is important -- because consumers find it important.
Wish him well.
Also, http://www.kobreguide.com/topic/Law is well worth visiting. Quality documentaries, for free download.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
So, you are thinking of a Facilitation Initiative?
Generally, a Business's Initiative should:
- Clearly communicate values (those who attend should be able to state three values);
- Leave three takeaway tangible things that can be done (those who participate should be able to name three measurable things they should do);
- Should not espouse goals or values inconsistent with actual management practices;
- Should not raise expectations that will not be reached/Should not create a basis for dissatisfaction;
- Should establish a clear metaphor.
Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box so much because it focuses on the fact that so many approaches are really just self deception.
E.g. I've a friend who is a recruiter and one of his favorite recruiting grounds is companies that make promises in their initiatives that they do not deliver on.
E.g. Never mock your own processes.
Some thoughts.
Related books:
E.g. I've a friend who is a recruiter and one of his favorite recruiting grounds is companies that make promises in their initiatives that they do not deliver on.
E.g. Never mock your own processes.
Some thoughts.
Related books:
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Saturday, September 13, 2008
"Dark Side" Management Case Studies
I will get back to content that is closer to what I usually write in a little bit. However, a while back one of the members of the AOM (Academy of Management) put out a call for "dark side" case studies -- studies of failures, misapplications or mistakes that could be learned from. Management classes generally study cases, the idea being that the students can gain experience and skills second hand by studying how something was done right. His thought was that there is also something to be learned from things that go wrong.
I thought of several cases that made for excellent cautionary tales.
The first is historic. General Motors was in financial trouble. They approached their unions for concessions and wage cuts and got them. Then, at the end of the year, a story ran that management bonuses related to the cuts were almost twice as much as the cuts themselves. That story has been a long standing disaster for General Motors. It illustrates metrics problems (how do you measure success in cost cutting -- and should the bonuses related to cost cutting ever exceed the cost saving?!; how do you account for long term toxicity of an action?).
More recently, in response to financial problems, several air lines ended up transferring stock to their unions. The pilots unions tend to be better organized and more management oriented. In at least one air line, the pilots union was able to obtain disproportionate gains from the input into management that the stock gave it. When financial problems arose, they then attempted to push a disproportionate share of the pain onto the other unions and avoid giving back the gains. You can track the result of that process in the lack of health of the air line involved. The only thing that the pilots union managed to avoid was a derivative suit by the other shareholders for disgorgement (you could treat the disproportionate gains as an unfair discriminatory dividend, which is what it was). Concepts of capture, fiduciary duty to all shareholders and other issues all rise, especially as worker interests in corporations only seem to be more likely in the future.
Texas Instruments makes for another great study, especially as they are actively trying to recover from an interesting mistake. They adopted merit only raises for engineers. They then gave bonuses to individuals for cost savings. The cost cutters went through and started firing the highest paid engineers and replacing them with "fungible" lower paid engineers. TI is attempting to recover from the morale effects and the obvious inability to recruit and retain top talent. There were other side effects as well. The best example I can think of was an engineer attached to a research team who kept specialty equipment running that allowed the team 140+ hours a week of uptime on their research. He was fired, after a confrontation between his manager and a cost cutter. Uptime dropped to 36 hours a week, and the engineer had to be replaced with contract service at a cost of over $30k a month. The cost cutter did not have to account for either the R&D losses or the contractor expenses, he only got the bonus.
Finally, and this is what got my attentiont ot the topic, Microsoft did something with a very successful division, Ensemble Studios, which has a major product release scheduled. As you might expect, the success of the division has drawn some "successful" management changes. The new manager is going to get bonuses based on net revenues. So, as soon as the next product is released, he is basically firing everyone except for a small stump. That way he will get credit for all of the revenue without any reduction for R&D for new or continuing products. So, Ensemble is closing its doors, the product release is jeapordized (not from lack of quality, no one is being fired until it is released, but from public perceptions) and two years from now instead of having new products, all of the signigicant employees will be working for competitors. Imagine what will happen if he gets assigned to operating systems for his next assignment? Given the amount of the bonus he can expect, look for Microsoft to gut out R&D in every area of the company if it doesn't adjust and to be out of business in 3-5 years if other managers get away with following his example.
I thought of several cases that made for excellent cautionary tales.
The first is historic. General Motors was in financial trouble. They approached their unions for concessions and wage cuts and got them. Then, at the end of the year, a story ran that management bonuses related to the cuts were almost twice as much as the cuts themselves. That story has been a long standing disaster for General Motors. It illustrates metrics problems (how do you measure success in cost cutting -- and should the bonuses related to cost cutting ever exceed the cost saving?!; how do you account for long term toxicity of an action?).
More recently, in response to financial problems, several air lines ended up transferring stock to their unions. The pilots unions tend to be better organized and more management oriented. In at least one air line, the pilots union was able to obtain disproportionate gains from the input into management that the stock gave it. When financial problems arose, they then attempted to push a disproportionate share of the pain onto the other unions and avoid giving back the gains. You can track the result of that process in the lack of health of the air line involved. The only thing that the pilots union managed to avoid was a derivative suit by the other shareholders for disgorgement (you could treat the disproportionate gains as an unfair discriminatory dividend, which is what it was). Concepts of capture, fiduciary duty to all shareholders and other issues all rise, especially as worker interests in corporations only seem to be more likely in the future.
Texas Instruments makes for another great study, especially as they are actively trying to recover from an interesting mistake. They adopted merit only raises for engineers. They then gave bonuses to individuals for cost savings. The cost cutters went through and started firing the highest paid engineers and replacing them with "fungible" lower paid engineers. TI is attempting to recover from the morale effects and the obvious inability to recruit and retain top talent. There were other side effects as well. The best example I can think of was an engineer attached to a research team who kept specialty equipment running that allowed the team 140+ hours a week of uptime on their research. He was fired, after a confrontation between his manager and a cost cutter. Uptime dropped to 36 hours a week, and the engineer had to be replaced with contract service at a cost of over $30k a month. The cost cutter did not have to account for either the R&D losses or the contractor expenses, he only got the bonus.
Finally, and this is what got my attentiont ot the topic, Microsoft did something with a very successful division, Ensemble Studios, which has a major product release scheduled. As you might expect, the success of the division has drawn some "successful" management changes. The new manager is going to get bonuses based on net revenues. So, as soon as the next product is released, he is basically firing everyone except for a small stump. That way he will get credit for all of the revenue without any reduction for R&D for new or continuing products. So, Ensemble is closing its doors, the product release is jeapordized (not from lack of quality, no one is being fired until it is released, but from public perceptions) and two years from now instead of having new products, all of the signigicant employees will be working for competitors. Imagine what will happen if he gets assigned to operating systems for his next assignment? Given the amount of the bonus he can expect, look for Microsoft to gut out R&D in every area of the company if it doesn't adjust and to be out of business in 3-5 years if other managers get away with following his example.
Two political stories that irritate me
The first is the old "Obama is Muslim."
The second is "McCain crashed five air force jets."
The first has finally been completely debunked (I hope).
As for the second, (a) it is "Air Force" (with capital letters); (b) McCain was in the Navy, and (c) it isn't true anyway. The real slur there is the thought that the Air Force would let a Naval Aviator crash five of its planes ...
http://www.factcheck.org/askfactcheck/did_mccain_crash_five_planes.html
BTW, my mother wants to vote for Obama and Palin.
Which of the current political stories irritate you?
I'm still trying to make up my mind on which of the Biden stories I like least.
Currently, on Palin, it has to be the Bush Doctrine thing, especially after reading Charles Krauthammer, the person who came up with the term and who is the "authority" on "the Bush doctrine" on the topic.
The second is "McCain crashed five air force jets."
The first has finally been completely debunked (I hope).
As for the second, (a) it is "Air Force" (with capital letters); (b) McCain was in the Navy, and (c) it isn't true anyway. The real slur there is the thought that the Air Force would let a Naval Aviator crash five of its planes ...
http://www.factcheck.org/askfactcheck/did_mccain_crash_five_planes.html
BTW, my mother wants to vote for Obama and Palin.
Which of the current political stories irritate you?
I'm still trying to make up my mind on which of the Biden stories I like least.
Currently, on Palin, it has to be the Bush Doctrine thing, especially after reading Charles Krauthammer, the person who came up with the term and who is the "authority" on "the Bush doctrine" on the topic.
The Times got it wrong. And Charlie Gibson got it wrong.and
Yes, Palin didn't know what it is. But neither does Gibson. And at least she didn't pretend to know -- while he looked down his nose and over his glasses with weary disdain, "sounding like an impatient teacher," as the Times noted. In doing so, he captured perfectly the establishment snobbery and intellectual condescension that has characterized the chattering classes' reaction to the phenom who presumes to play on their stage.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Starting Young
Quoting again:
Also worth reading:
The lesson I want to instill is, "Show gratitude and loyalty to the people who have helped you".I have to admit, nothing makes me more happy than to see my daughters doing good things or showing that they have gotten a message about loyalty or helping others.
...
Learning to be a good person starts young.
...
This teaches commitment and discipline. Children feel more secure with a routine. They will also learn to plan around existing commitments.
Also worth reading:
How Badly Do You Want an Ethical Society?
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Two new pictures
Thought I would include a picture of me the way I look at work and me the way I am on vacation when I've grown a beard for my wife.
Found my Rancho High School class of '73 page:
http://www.rancho73.com/Classmate%20Contact%20Info%201.htm and Class of 1973
I'd wondered what had happened to everyone.
Sad to see a lot of people I knew who are missing from the lists. Daniel Hollingsworth and others who were good sorts, very good sorts.
For Mtn Home I'm finding it harder http://mountainhomehighschool.org/class-of-1973.html -- as far as I can tell, I've visited the location and one other person visited looking for someone else (which creates a page for them). Classmates is such a vast wasteland of advertisements and empty shells. Class of 1973
There had been a web page with the class re-union photographs and such, but it seems to have gone down.
Found my Rancho High School class of '73 page:
http://www.rancho73.com/Classmate%20Contact%20Info%201.htm and Class of 1973
I'd wondered what had happened to everyone.
Sad to see a lot of people I knew who are missing from the lists. Daniel Hollingsworth and others who were good sorts, very good sorts.
For Mtn Home I'm finding it harder http://mountainhomehighschool.org/class-of-1973.html -- as far as I can tell, I've visited the location and one other person visited looking for someone else (which creates a page for them). Classmates is such a vast wasteland of advertisements and empty shells. Class of 1973
There had been a web page with the class re-union photographs and such, but it seems to have gone down.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Parisian Style Housing/Politics
City planners often promote "high density housing." It is usually a flop because it brings to mind massive failures (you say "high density housing" I hear "instant slum.")
What they should call the idea is "Parisian Style Housing." Paris is nothing but twenty million people's worth of high density living environment, but the one thing it is not remembered as is a slum. I've talked to a number of professionals over the years about how they need to change the term. Finally thought I would blog about it (especially as things like blogs exist now).
Paris may be incredibly dense, but it is charming and livable. Much of that comes from well groomed green spaces, building housing on transit lines (well, almost all of Paris seems to be on transit lines, but that is another story) and wonderful public places.
Switching gears to politics, the national budget is mostly:
2004 ... $21,671 per household
The federal government spent a bit less than $2.7 trillion in fiscal year 2006
Mandatory spending accounts for two-thirds of federal spending and is authorized by permanent laws, not by the 13 annual appropriations bills. These include entitlements, such as Social Security, Medicare, veterans' benefits, and Food Stamps.
The military takes another 21%
67% + 21% = 88%.
Toss in interest on the debt, which has started to grow, and you are to 97% or more.
That leaves 3% for earmarks and other programs.
I should note, from a long background in simulations, if I were looking at national security and going to spend two or three trillion dollars, rather than a pre-emptive strike on Iraq, I would have:
Some things, like the gas tax, which goes directly to building and maintaining highways, are pretty much pay as you go (and part of that fixed spending). Given how we are falling behind on roads, we really need to increase the gas tax. I still admire Senator Obama for opposing a gas tax holiday as a dangerous gimmick.
But how often do you look a traffic congestion or a pot hole and think: "they really need to raise gas prices and the gas tax!"? Until people do that, until they are ready to hear that, we are not ready for any real politics or any real solutions.
That is my two bits on politics.
What they should call the idea is "Parisian Style Housing." Paris is nothing but twenty million people's worth of high density living environment, but the one thing it is not remembered as is a slum. I've talked to a number of professionals over the years about how they need to change the term. Finally thought I would blog about it (especially as things like blogs exist now).
Paris may be incredibly dense, but it is charming and livable. Much of that comes from well groomed green spaces, building housing on transit lines (well, almost all of Paris seems to be on transit lines, but that is another story) and wonderful public places.
Switching gears to politics, the national budget is mostly:
- Entitlements
- Interest on the debt
- Military Spending
- Miscellaneous Other
2004 ... $21,671 per household
- Social Security and Medicare: $7,165
- Low-income programs: $3,479 (together these make up entitlements)
- Defense: $4,240
- Interest on the federal debt: $1,460
The federal government spent a bit less than $2.7 trillion in fiscal year 2006
- Social Security: 21 percent of the budget
- Medicare, Medicaid, and SCHIP: 19 percent of the budget
- Safety Net program: 9%
- Interest on the debt: 9%
- Defense and security: 21 percent of the budget
- Everything else: 21 %
Mandatory spending accounts for two-thirds of federal spending and is authorized by permanent laws, not by the 13 annual appropriations bills. These include entitlements, such as Social Security, Medicare, veterans' benefits, and Food Stamps.
The military takes another 21%
67% + 21% = 88%.
Toss in interest on the debt, which has started to grow, and you are to 97% or more.
That leaves 3% for earmarks and other programs.
I should note, from a long background in simulations, if I were looking at national security and going to spend two or three trillion dollars, rather than a pre-emptive strike on Iraq, I would have:
- Spent a trillon dollars on geothermal energy. Would there have been a lot of waste? Surely, but after all the money was spent on research and pump priming projects, there would have been a lot of energy.
- Spent five hundred billion on bio diesel, especially plankton based bio diesel.
- Put the rest towards the national debt. Oh, since it would have all come from debt anyway, I would have gone into less debt to begin with.
Some things, like the gas tax, which goes directly to building and maintaining highways, are pretty much pay as you go (and part of that fixed spending). Given how we are falling behind on roads, we really need to increase the gas tax. I still admire Senator Obama for opposing a gas tax holiday as a dangerous gimmick.
But how often do you look a traffic congestion or a pot hole and think: "they really need to raise gas prices and the gas tax!"? Until people do that, until they are ready to hear that, we are not ready for any real politics or any real solutions.
That is my two bits on politics.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
I Have Tourette's, but Tourette's Doesn't Have Me
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Format: 
Sometimes we may have a problem, but the problem may not have us.
There is no reason to buy this through Amazon.com
 TSA Member's Price - NOT A DOWNLOAD - In every school in America, it's likely that at least one child may have Tourette Syndrome. The children are often stigmatized and almost always misunderstood. HBO Documentary originally aired 11/12/05\r\n dispels the myths of TS through the experiences of young people. Extra DVD features include resources for educators, families, children interested in learning more about Tourette Syndrome, information from experts John Walkup, M.D., Susan Conners, M.Ed., and Evan Trost, M.D. |
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| Same as above. Non-Member's Price. |
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Parable of the Tuna Cat
We have a cat, a polydactyl cat. Because of his extra claws, his brain is a bit short (the extra claws tie up brain function that would otherwise go to more normal uses) and he tends to forget things, like whether or not he has breakfast.
He lives to eat tuna fish, though he is (a) always looking for something better and (b) always forgetting when he has tuna.
But you know, when he is motivated, he really keeps after his goals. They may be simple, he may get confused but that cat is always trying for tuna -- and convinced that he is succeeding (though 75% or better of the time, all we do is pick him up and drop him off at his plate that already has tuna on it -- and he celebrates as if he had just been given tuna rather than just reminded of what he has).
Which leads to two life lessons.
He lives to eat tuna fish, though he is (a) always looking for something better and (b) always forgetting when he has tuna.
But you know, when he is motivated, he really keeps after his goals. They may be simple, he may get confused but that cat is always trying for tuna -- and convinced that he is succeeding (though 75% or better of the time, all we do is pick him up and drop him off at his plate that already has tuna on it -- and he celebrates as if he had just been given tuna rather than just reminded of what he has).
Which leads to two life lessons.
- Sometimes we are like the tuna cat -- we are out there seeking things we already have.
- Sometimes we are like the tuna cat -- you can tell what we really want by what we keep after.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Elder Dallin H. Oaks on Marriage
It is important for couples considering marriage to be willing to live with imperfection moving forward. Marriage can be nothing other than imperfect individuals willing to work together to help each other improve (slowly over the years).I'm glad my wife has been willing to wait while I slowly improve over the years.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Someone else's great post
What my kids learned from competition:
- You don't always get what you want.
- You can do things you thought were too difficult for you.
- You will improve in anything that you work at.
- Winning feels good.
- Losing sucks. (Well, it does.)
- If you lose, you can train harder and try again.
- You were born into the wrong family if you are looking for someone to accept excuses for not getting what you want out of life.
Lots more great stuff there, I'm glad I added that blog to my links. Those are all great lessons for kids to learn.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Being a Father and a Husband
We went over a conference talk in our group, then I listened to it again as I listened to the CDs in my car. I loved the points it made.
As a Father
I'm trying to incorporate those lessons.
On having a winning attitude: example
On how the example got that attitude
I like the blogger's attitude who wrote the second essay and have added them to my blogroll links so I don't forget to visit.
As a Father
- do not rush past fleeting moments
- do not over-schedule your child or children
- cut out excess commitments and encourage your wife to find time for herself
- find regular times to talk with each child every week
- pray, study and teach the gospel.
- notice what your wife does -- often and with positive feedback
- have regular times to talk about each child
- give your spouse time away from the children
- when you come home, engage your family, give your wife a break every time you come home as soon as you come home.
- actively interact with your family as soon as you come home (rather than getting into the habit of spending time decompressing).
I'm trying to incorporate those lessons.
On having a winning attitude: example
On how the example got that attitude
I like the blogger's attitude who wrote the second essay and have added them to my blogroll links so I don't forget to visit.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
More on bread making in just five minutes a day
Per the NYT: “The technique is more or less as streamlined as this: Mix flour, salt, yeast and water. Let it sit a bit, refrigerate it, take some out and let it rise, then bake it. The crusty, full-flavored loaf that results may be the world’s easiest yeast bread.”
See also the video at http://www.startribune.com/video/11967361.html
I've bought two copies of the book so far. Suzette Haden Elgin first recommended it to me (Personal note; making bread; part two...). An Ozark Grandmother who knows her bread, what better source? See the original post at http://ozarque.livejournal.com/487560.html
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I've got a lot of wheat, and Costco yeast in the freezer.
Errata at http://www.artisanbreadinfive.com/?page_id=73
Watch the videos, read the reviews, then think about it.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
A useful connection between 12 Step Programs and Grief
I really have enjoyed reading twelve (12) step material. I had hoped it would give me a new perspective on grief and recovery. For the most part 12 step material has turned out not to have much cross-over at all (which is why there are so few blog posts using the material). It turns out that the issues are very different.
One place they have it right is in having people who are still in the turmoil of recovery assist or sponsor those who are just beginning the process. There is an immediacy that creates a connection that aids in healing. I recently went through another step in healing and realized that while I can listen and share experience, faith and hope, I lack the immediacy that creates such a connection in the community.
There are those who are now far better than I to console, to listen, to share with someone who has lost a child. In fact, the strength of Compassionate Friends (a grief support group that has no connection to 12 step programs or much of anything else) is that there are always those there who have an immediacy to there sorrow. If a child dies, they are always available, always share the knowledge and the experience that others do not.
For me, I've healed too much to be of as much use as others can be, and are. Some have noticed the change in my blog's title (though I made it some time ago, with a post). Grief is with me, but it only informs me in a lesser part. I'm grateful for the healing and for the hope it allows me to share. At the same time, the healing renders me less relevant to a group that has been such a core part of my life for so long.
It is good to realize that I am replaced, for reasons that create hope and give me freedom. The dead are not forgotten. I'm not "over" grief. But ... but, I am healed to another stage, renewed and progressed to another level, for which I am grateful.
Thank you God.
I also actually also owe some thanks to a troll (you can read some of the troll's writing, such as it is, here). Reading the compulsive rants I realized that instead of feeling angry or even annoyed, I found myself thinking about why the rants did not affect me and where I was and how I had changed. I'm grateful for where my life is and for the grace that has come to it.
One place they have it right is in having people who are still in the turmoil of recovery assist or sponsor those who are just beginning the process. There is an immediacy that creates a connection that aids in healing. I recently went through another step in healing and realized that while I can listen and share experience, faith and hope, I lack the immediacy that creates such a connection in the community.
There are those who are now far better than I to console, to listen, to share with someone who has lost a child. In fact, the strength of Compassionate Friends (a grief support group that has no connection to 12 step programs or much of anything else) is that there are always those there who have an immediacy to there sorrow. If a child dies, they are always available, always share the knowledge and the experience that others do not.
For me, I've healed too much to be of as much use as others can be, and are. Some have noticed the change in my blog's title (though I made it some time ago, with a post). Grief is with me, but it only informs me in a lesser part. I'm grateful for the healing and for the hope it allows me to share. At the same time, the healing renders me less relevant to a group that has been such a core part of my life for so long.
It is good to realize that I am replaced, for reasons that create hope and give me freedom. The dead are not forgotten. I'm not "over" grief. But ... but, I am healed to another stage, renewed and progressed to another level, for which I am grateful.
Thank you God.
I also actually also owe some thanks to a troll (you can read some of the troll's writing, such as it is, here). Reading the compulsive rants I realized that instead of feeling angry or even annoyed, I found myself thinking about why the rants did not affect me and where I was and how I had changed. I'm grateful for where my life is and for the grace that has come to it.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Amazing Grace
"Amazing Grace"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound That sav’d a wretch like
me! I once was lost, but now am found, Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears reliev’d; How
precious did that grace appear, The hour I first believ’d!
Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; Tis grace has
brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promis’d good to me, His word my hope secures; He will my
shield and portion be, As long as life endures.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease; I
shall possess, within the veil, A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, The sun forbear to shine; But God,
who call’d me here below, Will be forever mine.
John Newton, Olney Hymns (London: W. Oliver, 1779)
I love this hymn, always has.
Thanks to S. Faux for the reminder.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
On vacation, adoption, theology
I've been enjoying vacation. I love spending time with my family. Makes for a blogging hiatus and a distance for spell checkers, but worth it. I'm posting now, while everyone takes an after church nap.
I'll write more on this topic, but we visited with Tom Morran, one of Win's old boyfriends. I met him first when I was engaged to Win and he was home from Yale. He was a great guy then and has gotten better with time. As time has passed he moved from math to teaching, served in the Peace Corps, got a masters in English as a Second Language, taught in Japan, went to medical school and picked up two board certifications.
He is 47. Lives well within his means, in a modest but beautiful historic home that he and his wife have lovingly restored from the bottom up. To see his home is to respect he and his wife. I plan to copy his handmade arbor. But, he and his wife are trying to adopt a second child.
If you know of someone who has a child they are considering putting up for adoption, Tom Morran is someone of gentle patience and kindness with a delightful wife who is a kindred spirit to Tom. They have one child, a Chinese girl with Thalasemia beta minor (which my sister and mother both have). The three of them would make a wonderful family for any child.
I'll upload a picture when I get home. Bu I really am glad that Win and I were able to see Tom and his family.
I don't post much theology on this blog. That generally ends up on a group blog I am a part of. The general posts can be found collected at:
http://mormonmatters.org/author/stephen-marsh/
I've got more drafted to add to the series, though the ones of affliction means and how it relates to us are ones I consider important.
More later.
I'll write more on this topic, but we visited with Tom Morran, one of Win's old boyfriends. I met him first when I was engaged to Win and he was home from Yale. He was a great guy then and has gotten better with time. As time has passed he moved from math to teaching, served in the Peace Corps, got a masters in English as a Second Language, taught in Japan, went to medical school and picked up two board certifications.
He is 47. Lives well within his means, in a modest but beautiful historic home that he and his wife have lovingly restored from the bottom up. To see his home is to respect he and his wife. I plan to copy his handmade arbor. But, he and his wife are trying to adopt a second child.
If you know of someone who has a child they are considering putting up for adoption, Tom Morran is someone of gentle patience and kindness with a delightful wife who is a kindred spirit to Tom. They have one child, a Chinese girl with Thalasemia beta minor (which my sister and mother both have). The three of them would make a wonderful family for any child.
I'll upload a picture when I get home. Bu I really am glad that Win and I were able to see Tom and his family.
I don't post much theology on this blog. That generally ends up on a group blog I am a part of. The general posts can be found collected at:
http://mormonmatters.org/author/stephen-marsh/
I've got more drafted to add to the series, though the ones of affliction means and how it relates to us are ones I consider important.
More later.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Shot a five shot group in under an inch
Was sighting in a rifle I was given for Christmas. I haven't shot for forty years.
My eyes aren't as good as I'd like, I had trouble with the last group, trying to figure out if I was even hitting the target. Turns out my last five shots after the last sight adjustment were in a group under an inch, with several of them touching.
Well. Now to adjust the sight just a little more. Maybe some day I'll even be ready to go hunting with the guys. Or maybe more target shooting with my daughter (she was captain of the rifle team after all).
Moving on, completely off topic while we wait for the Olympics:
http://view.break.com/546426 - Watch more free videos
Just waiting for the Olympics, thinking about vacation, silly stuff.
Also, a useful post by someone else: How to avoid demonization
From:
A Law Professor and a Policeman Tell You Why You Should Never Speak to a Policeman Without Your Lawyer Present
My eyes aren't as good as I'd like, I had trouble with the last group, trying to figure out if I was even hitting the target. Turns out my last five shots after the last sight adjustment were in a group under an inch, with several of them touching.
Well. Now to adjust the sight just a little more. Maybe some day I'll even be ready to go hunting with the guys. Or maybe more target shooting with my daughter (she was captain of the rifle team after all).
Moving on, completely off topic while we wait for the Olympics:
http://view.break.com/546426 - Watch more free videos
Just waiting for the Olympics, thinking about vacation, silly stuff.
Also, a useful post by someone else: How to avoid demonization
From:
A Law Professor and a Policeman Tell You Why You Should Never Speak to a Policeman Without Your Lawyer Present
First, the lawyer:
Second, the policeman:
He shows how he gets around the recommendation of the lawyer.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Kudos -- a game about recovering and finding life choices
Actually posted August 31, 2008, back dated to avoid conflicts.
Well, we got evacuated, so I'm back early.
"It's 6.pm on April 24th, 2008. You are 20 years old and single. Tonight is your twentieth birthday. You live alone in a small flat in Slough, a suburb of London, England. Somehow you left school without any qualifications to speak of, and you have a dead end job with no future. What are you going to do with your life? and what will you have achieved by your thirtieth birthday?"
Lots of kids find themselves about twenty or so, no direction, and being dragged down by the slackers and parasites around them that they have chosen over their family and loved ones. Flunking out of school, unable to even finish an American Heritage class.
This is a game that helps them think about where they are going with their life now that they are on their own and where they might have gone if they had made other choices. Great for your pre-teen when looking at life around them.
http://www.positech.co.uk/kudos/index.html
Well, we got evacuated, so I'm back early.
"It's 6.pm on April 24th, 2008. You are 20 years old and single. Tonight is your twentieth birthday. You live alone in a small flat in Slough, a suburb of London, England. Somehow you left school without any qualifications to speak of, and you have a dead end job with no future. What are you going to do with your life? and what will you have achieved by your thirtieth birthday?"
 |  |  |
Kudos is the life-simulation game developed by Cliffski (Positech Games, Makers of Democracy). It's a game of social relationships and choices, available on PC and Mac.
Lots of kids find themselves about twenty or so, no direction, and being dragged down by the slackers and parasites around them that they have chosen over their family and loved ones. Flunking out of school, unable to even finish an American Heritage class.
This is a game that helps them think about where they are going with their life now that they are on their own and where they might have gone if they had made other choices. Great for your pre-teen when looking at life around them.
http://www.positech.co.uk/kudos/index.html
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Angel Falling Softly -- A Review and Comments
I was sent a review copy of Angel Falling Softly. Most of this review will be about things that the book is not.
First, most people will have heard about the book because the publisher is trying to stir up some controversy about the lesbian sex scenes contained in an LDS audience novel. Sorry, not much there (in fact, first time through I just edited the scenes out as I read like any other fan service and didn't realize they were there, second time through, there isn't enough there to call it a lesbian sex scene in anyone's perspective other than a publicist's).
Second, it isn't really "Bishop's wife seeks to have child turned into a soulless undead monster rather than letting the child leave mortality in a more conventional fashion." Quite the dilemma? I don't see it. I'd give a lot to have my daughters back, but not as revenants, that isn't having them back, just evil possessing and riding their bodies. But, that isn't what is happening either in this story.
Third, it isn't typical soft porn romance novel with a supernatural Mary Sue figure as the lead character. That is an entire genre now, with its conventions, imprints (special publishing houses devoted to just that kind of novel) and New York Times bestsellers. I'd have soon tried to eat the garbage as read some of that, but that isn't what the novel is about, though the cover could well pass for an upscale version of that sort of book's cover. If you want one of those, go over to the grocery store, they'll have them with the rest of the disposable books.
The book is something entirely different, an exploration of the human condition with an LDS background (though for all it mattered, it could have been any group, kindly treated) and one of the modern vampire types who are likeable characters, with souls, generally either aliens, virus victims or mutatants (or sometimes all three) who just happen to have knowledge, power, wealth and angst.
Eugene Woodbury is the author, and if you slow down when you read it you will realize it has his touch.
Now in some ways, the book is too short, with not enough words. It verges on fanfic territory as it gets started (Mormon vampire fanfic !? ?!) with things like "bishop" and such sketched in as placeholders rather than explained. But at the pricepoint they had, 225 pages or so is probably all that they could squeeze in.
It gets beyond cardboard. Some eroticism, though Woodbury often seems drawn to that, but not graphic or intense, merely keeping consistent with the modern vampire (compared to the completely non-erotic drauger of times past). Much less than a normal novel any more, and no where near enough to justify any attention.
This is mainstrem writing, not fantasy, horror or erotica. In the end, the story is really about love, family, redemption and hope. The rest is just window dressing, or things that the novel really isn't.
First, most people will have heard about the book because the publisher is trying to stir up some controversy about the lesbian sex scenes contained in an LDS audience novel. Sorry, not much there (in fact, first time through I just edited the scenes out as I read like any other fan service and didn't realize they were there, second time through, there isn't enough there to call it a lesbian sex scene in anyone's perspective other than a publicist's).
Second, it isn't really "Bishop's wife seeks to have child turned into a soulless undead monster rather than letting the child leave mortality in a more conventional fashion." Quite the dilemma? I don't see it. I'd give a lot to have my daughters back, but not as revenants, that isn't having them back, just evil possessing and riding their bodies. But, that isn't what is happening either in this story.
Third, it isn't typical soft porn romance novel with a supernatural Mary Sue figure as the lead character. That is an entire genre now, with its conventions, imprints (special publishing houses devoted to just that kind of novel) and New York Times bestsellers. I'd have soon tried to eat the garbage as read some of that, but that isn't what the novel is about, though the cover could well pass for an upscale version of that sort of book's cover. If you want one of those, go over to the grocery store, they'll have them with the rest of the disposable books.
The book is something entirely different, an exploration of the human condition with an LDS background (though for all it mattered, it could have been any group, kindly treated) and one of the modern vampire types who are likeable characters, with souls, generally either aliens, virus victims or mutatants (or sometimes all three) who just happen to have knowledge, power, wealth and angst.
Eugene Woodbury is the author, and if you slow down when you read it you will realize it has his touch.
Now in some ways, the book is too short, with not enough words. It verges on fanfic territory as it gets started (Mormon vampire fanfic !? ?!) with things like "bishop" and such sketched in as placeholders rather than explained. But at the pricepoint they had, 225 pages or so is probably all that they could squeeze in.
It gets beyond cardboard. Some eroticism, though Woodbury often seems drawn to that, but not graphic or intense, merely keeping consistent with the modern vampire (compared to the completely non-erotic drauger of times past). Much less than a normal novel any more, and no where near enough to justify any attention.
This is mainstrem writing, not fantasy, horror or erotica. In the end, the story is really about love, family, redemption and hope. The rest is just window dressing, or things that the novel really isn't.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Facing my bad habits, growing
I've a bad habit of passing along what can best be described as positive gossip -- positive things people have said about others behind their backs. That, in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but I find myself tempted to reframe things slightly. I was reflecting on it today in church. Sometimes reframing is just that, changing the perspectives or illustrating the essential truth in better words than the original speaker used. But it can be tempting to go too far. I'm learning to watch myself to prevent that, gilding the lily only lessens the truth.
This blog grew out of an on-line journal I was keeping as a part of keeping my identity separate from grief. I may have had things happen to me, but I was determined that I would not become defined by those things. By writing I was able to put distance between what had happened and myself.
I was getting ready to quit the process when I discovered that what I was writing helped a small audience not really helped enough. So I continued.
I'm glad it is a small audience and only wish it were smaller, that no one experienced the death of a child. Of the things I've blogged about, the rituals and experiences of grief are the least interesting to a general audience. When I blog in that area, hits on the blog always go down.
I can easily double the readers or more by writing on diet. People seem to be drawn to SLD, and by November I will have been using the method for three years. I lost a lot of weight, then brought it back up to 189 and then stayed at that weight for over a year. Recently my weight has slipped down (177.6 this morning). It will probably slip some more, but weight loss isn't what I am really about.
But I have been thinking. It is eleven years since Robin was born and we just recently hit another stage of healing. I know my blog title was designed to make those who were grieving feel more at home, more comfort at being here, than they might have otherwise felt. But it isn't the way I am any more, even at a distance. So I changed it a while back.
That doesn't mean that I'm changing direction or that I'll start focusing on things that draw more attention and more hits. Rather, I'll probably blog about grief a great deal less here, and probably blog a good deal less all in all. I'm not sure I have much more to say. As for Mormon Matters, the group blog I'm with, the way it has become the round the clock gay marriage blog I'm not sure I have much to blog there about either.
Except to try to think of something positive about Ray (The Things of My Soul) and Hawkgrrl to say about them, behind their backs.
This blog grew out of an on-line journal I was keeping as a part of keeping my identity separate from grief. I may have had things happen to me, but I was determined that I would not become defined by those things. By writing I was able to put distance between what had happened and myself.
I was getting ready to quit the process when I discovered that what I was writing helped a small audience not really helped enough. So I continued.
I'm glad it is a small audience and only wish it were smaller, that no one experienced the death of a child. Of the things I've blogged about, the rituals and experiences of grief are the least interesting to a general audience. When I blog in that area, hits on the blog always go down.
I can easily double the readers or more by writing on diet. People seem to be drawn to SLD, and by November I will have been using the method for three years. I lost a lot of weight, then brought it back up to 189 and then stayed at that weight for over a year. Recently my weight has slipped down (177.6 this morning). It will probably slip some more, but weight loss isn't what I am really about.
But I have been thinking. It is eleven years since Robin was born and we just recently hit another stage of healing. I know my blog title was designed to make those who were grieving feel more at home, more comfort at being here, than they might have otherwise felt. But it isn't the way I am any more, even at a distance. So I changed it a while back.
That doesn't mean that I'm changing direction or that I'll start focusing on things that draw more attention and more hits. Rather, I'll probably blog about grief a great deal less here, and probably blog a good deal less all in all. I'm not sure I have much more to say. As for Mormon Matters, the group blog I'm with, the way it has become the round the clock gay marriage blog I'm not sure I have much to blog there about either.
Except to try to think of something positive about Ray (The Things of My Soul) and Hawkgrrl to say about them, behind their backs.
Friday, July 18, 2008
From The Religious Language Newsletter, etc.
Cleaning Up Bad Communication Habits," by Kibbie Simmons Ruth and Karen A. McClintock, online at http://www.alban.org/conversation.aspx?id=6138
Persuasion principles
Much of persuasion and other forms of changing minds is based on a relatively small number of principles. If you can understand the principles, then you can invent your own techniques. It thus makes sense to spend time to understand these principles (persuaded yet?).
Alignment: When everything lines up, there are no contradictions to cause disagreement.
Amplification: Make the important bits bigger and other bits smaller.
Appeal: If asked nicely, we will follow the rules we have made for ourselves.
Arousal: When I am aroused I am full engaged and hence more likely to pay attention.
Association: Our thoughts are connected. Think one thing and the next is automatic.
Assumption: Acting as if something is true often makes it true.
Attention: Make sure they are listening before you try to sell them something.
Authority: Use your authority and others will obey.
Bonding: I will usually do what my friends ask of me, without negotiation.
Closure: Close the door of thinking and the deal is done.
Completion: We need to complete that which is started.
Confidence: If I am confident, then you can be confident.
Confusion: A drowning person will clutch at a straw. So will a confused one.
Consistency: We like to maintain consistency between what we think, say and do.
Contrast: We notice and decide by difference between two things, not absolute measures.
Daring: If you dare me to do something, I daren't not do it.
Deception: Convincing by trickery.
Dependence: If you are dependent on me, I can use this as a lever to persuade you.
Distraction: If I distract your attention, I can then slip around your guard.
Evidence: I cannot deny what I see with my own eyes.
Exchange: if I do something for you, then you are obliged to do something for me.
Experience: I cannot deny what I experience for myself.
Fragmentation: Break up the problem into agreeable parts.
Framing: Meaning depends on context. So control the context.
Harmony: Go with the flow to build trust and create subtle shifts.
Hurt and Rescue: Make them uncomfortable then throw them a rope.
Interest: If I am interested then I will pay attention.
Investment: If I have invested in something, I do not want to waste that investment.
Involvement: Action leads to commitment.
Logic: What makes sense must be true.
Objectivity: Standing back decreases emotion and increases logic.
Obligation: Creating a duty that must be discharged.
Passion: Enthusiasm is catching.
Perception: Perception is reality. So manage it.
Pull: Create attraction that pulls people in.
Push: I give you no option but to obey.
Repetition: If something happens often enough, I will eventually be persuaded.
Understanding:If I understand you, then I can interact more accurately with you.
The site these are extracted from has a lot more. Think about when you were persuaded last, were you manipulated?
GLIBIDITY, Slang. a condition
in which a person gives very glib answers.
from www.carolineletkeman.org
It begins with:
"Of the several negative communication patterns congregations practice, three
habits are particularly problematic: triangulation, pass-through communication,
and anonymous feedback. While these three may be strategies for getting needs
met, they all block rather than help healthy communication. Even if well
intentioned, they are deadly habits that in the long run allow people to
dodge accountability, gain power, and alienate others."
Persuasion principles
Much of persuasion and other forms of changing minds is based on a relatively small number of principles. If you can understand the principles, then you can invent your own techniques. It thus makes sense to spend time to understand these principles (persuaded yet?).
Alignment: When everything lines up, there are no contradictions to cause disagreement.
Amplification: Make the important bits bigger and other bits smaller.
Appeal: If asked nicely, we will follow the rules we have made for ourselves.
Arousal: When I am aroused I am full engaged and hence more likely to pay attention.
Association: Our thoughts are connected. Think one thing and the next is automatic.
Assumption: Acting as if something is true often makes it true.
Attention: Make sure they are listening before you try to sell them something.
Authority: Use your authority and others will obey.
Bonding: I will usually do what my friends ask of me, without negotiation.
Closure: Close the door of thinking and the deal is done.
Completion: We need to complete that which is started.
Confidence: If I am confident, then you can be confident.
Confusion: A drowning person will clutch at a straw. So will a confused one.
Consistency: We like to maintain consistency between what we think, say and do.
Contrast: We notice and decide by difference between two things, not absolute measures.
Daring: If you dare me to do something, I daren't not do it.
Deception: Convincing by trickery.
Dependence: If you are dependent on me, I can use this as a lever to persuade you.
Distraction: If I distract your attention, I can then slip around your guard.
Evidence: I cannot deny what I see with my own eyes.
Exchange: if I do something for you, then you are obliged to do something for me.
Experience: I cannot deny what I experience for myself.
Fragmentation: Break up the problem into agreeable parts.
Framing: Meaning depends on context. So control the context.
Harmony: Go with the flow to build trust and create subtle shifts.
Hurt and Rescue: Make them uncomfortable then throw them a rope.
Interest: If I am interested then I will pay attention.
Investment: If I have invested in something, I do not want to waste that investment.
Involvement: Action leads to commitment.
Logic: What makes sense must be true.
Objectivity: Standing back decreases emotion and increases logic.
Obligation: Creating a duty that must be discharged.
Passion: Enthusiasm is catching.
Perception: Perception is reality. So manage it.
Pull: Create attraction that pulls people in.
Push: I give you no option but to obey.
Repetition: If something happens often enough, I will eventually be persuaded.
Understanding:If I understand you, then I can interact more accurately with you.
The site these are extracted from has a lot more. Think about when you were persuaded last, were you manipulated?
GLIBIDITY, Slang. a condition
in which a person gives very glib answers.
from www.carolineletkeman.org
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Speed Training
Ok, much of this is advertisement, but there is a lot of useful information in the links as well.
Adrr.com users come from these countries:
Adrr.com traffic rank in other countries:
- Why 'sport specific' training is a Myth
- Complete Speed Training vs. Complete Athlete Development
- At a loss
- Advertisement and Short Videos
- Young Athletes
- Warming Up
- Body weight Circuit
- Multi-directional
- Power training mistakes
- Fixing Problems
- Strength Development
- Conditioning Myths
- Acceleration
- Maximum Velocity
- Fun speed games
- Speed Drills
- Speed Work
- The right question
Adrr.com users come from these countries:
United States 58.0%
India 13.3%
Philippines 0.9%
Other countries 27.0%
Adrr.com traffic rank in other countries:
India296,24197
Philippines 298,675
United States 392,16243
Rotator Cuff Recovery
A version of this is where I start:
http://catalog.nucleusinc.com/...bit.php?ID=9310 except I'm doing the arm straight and across the body instead of up over the shoulder.
Next, the first stretch this guy does:
http://www.youtube.com/...h?v=zumtlBtQOWw
Then I do this stretch, though one arm at a time:
www.bodyresults.com/_iexer/23DoorJambChest.JPG
finish with up the back:
http://health.yahoo.com/...se--zm2378.html
That is four stretches, done at least six times a week, each stretch held for at least thirty seconds.
The big difference? I wake up pain free in the mornings.
I put this together from the book below, which will take you from beginning to advanced and also provides exercises to do that really make a difference.
Also, thanks to Soldog:
Shoulder Savers: Part I
Shoulder Savers: Part II
Shoulder Savers: Part III
The Mobility Complex
Everything Push-Ups
Cracking the Rotator Cuff Conundrum
Short Topic: Get a Grip
The FFB Handbook
8 Weeks to Monster Shoulders
Also, for injuries and issues in general:
Neanderthal No More Part I
http://catalog.nucleusinc.com/...bit.php?ID=9310 except I'm doing the arm straight and across the body instead of up over the shoulder.
Next, the first stretch this guy does:
http://www.youtube.com/...h?v=zumtlBtQOWw
Then I do this stretch, though one arm at a time:
www.bodyresults.com/_iexer/23DoorJambChest.JPG
finish with up the back:
http://health.yahoo.com/...se--zm2378.html
That is four stretches, done at least six times a week, each stretch held for at least thirty seconds.
The big difference? I wake up pain free in the mornings.
I put this together from the book below, which will take you from beginning to advanced and also provides exercises to do that really make a difference.
 |
| Treat Your Own Rotator Cuff by Jim Johnson (Paperback - Jan 7, 2007) |
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Also, thanks to Soldog:
Shoulder Savers: Part I
Shoulder Savers: Part II
Shoulder Savers: Part III
The Mobility Complex
Everything Push-Ups
Cracking the Rotator Cuff Conundrum
Short Topic: Get a Grip
The FFB Handbook
8 Weeks to Monster Shoulders
Also, for injuries and issues in general:
Neanderthal No More Part I
Monday, July 14, 2008
On Avoiding Television Appearances
If you've gone through significant grief, you can count on at least once a year being contacted by people who want to put you on television. We've been turning them down for a long time. You don't matter to them, they are just looking for a dose of pathos.
Either a news channel, for the yearly or half-yearly dose of bathos or some "good" organization that wants to stir up donors. If you let them, they will put you in front of groups, on television, and in fundraisers.
I never had the will for it. Sure, before the girls died I did television appearances for mediation. I also did a few for my friend Gary and TSR back in the day, long ago. Other stuff, sure.
But on grief, these days everyone has the message that we will say no. All in all, unless you have a cause that really means something to you, or someone you really owe, it is always best to say no. There is a blessing in not being known.
On the other hand, doing a television spot for something not grief related? I'm more than willing to do that sort of thing. Especially if it is to promote someone else.
My alternate photo, the one that is me on vacation, vs. me the rest of the year.
Either a news channel, for the yearly or half-yearly dose of bathos or some "good" organization that wants to stir up donors. If you let them, they will put you in front of groups, on television, and in fundraisers.
I never had the will for it. Sure, before the girls died I did television appearances for mediation. I also did a few for my friend Gary and TSR back in the day, long ago. Other stuff, sure.
But on grief, these days everyone has the message that we will say no. All in all, unless you have a cause that really means something to you, or someone you really owe, it is always best to say no. There is a blessing in not being known.
On the other hand, doing a television spot for something not grief related? I'm more than willing to do that sort of thing. Especially if it is to promote someone else.
My alternate photo, the one that is me on vacation, vs. me the rest of the year.
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