I really have enjoyed reading twelve (12) step material. I had hoped it would give me a new perspective on grief and recovery. For the most part 12 step material has turned out not to have much cross-over at all (which is why there are so few blog posts using the material). It turns out that the issues are very different.
One place they have it right is in having people who are still in the turmoil of recovery assist or sponsor those who are just beginning the process. There is an immediacy that creates a connection that aids in healing. I recently went through another step in healing and realized that while I can listen and share experience, faith and hope, I lack the immediacy that creates such a connection in the community.
There are those who are now far better than I to console, to listen, to share with someone who has lost a child. In fact, the strength of Compassionate Friends (a grief support group that has no connection to 12 step programs or much of anything else) is that there are always those there who have an immediacy to there sorrow. If a child dies, they are always available, always share the knowledge and the experience that others do not.
For me, I've healed too much to be of as much use as others can be, and are. Some have noticed the change in my blog's title (though I made it some time ago, with a post). Grief is with me, but it only informs me in a lesser part. I'm grateful for the healing and for the hope it allows me to share. At the same time, the healing renders me less relevant to a group that has been such a core part of my life for so long.
It is good to realize that I am replaced, for reasons that create hope and give me freedom. The dead are not forgotten. I'm not "over" grief. But ... but, I am healed to another stage, renewed and progressed to another level, for which I am grateful.
Thank you God.
I also actually also owe some thanks to a troll (you can read some of the troll's writing, such as it is, here). Reading the compulsive rants I realized that instead of feeling angry or even annoyed, I found myself thinking about why the rants did not affect me and where I was and how I had changed. I'm grateful for where my life is and for the grace that has come to it.