- The role and responsibilities of the person on the other side of the table. See the situation from their perspective.
- Your intentions -- keep them pure
- The delivery itself -- focus on tone and spirit in which advice is delivered. This is crucial.
- Summary -- close off the interaction, make sure everyone is on the same page. Whether it's a one minute conversation or four hour meeting, get some closure and action items.
Actionable advice is best advice. Saying "speak up more" to someone who doesn't talk in meetings is not actionable; saying "say at least three things in the meeting" is more clearly actionable.
That is a good point to remember. Give actionable advice, actions to take rather than principles. Do it with a "because" linked to the principle. E.g. "Say at least three things in the meeting because you need to speak up more" ties together actionable advice with principle advice (and uses the because rule, that advice with the word "because" in it, is better absorbed).
4 comments:
Also... advice is hardly ever wanted when someone is talking to you about their problems. Though advice in those situations can be given, it usually has to be done subtly, without the listener feeling as if you're telling them what they ought to do. :)
There are three kinds of those conversations:
1. someone wants a listening ear.
2. someone wants help, not advice.
3. someone wants advice.
In about that order of frequency.
You've raised a great point.
nosurfgirl's comment is one of the most commonly identified differences between men and women - the "solvers" and the "sharers". Men get told to "stop trying to solve a problem; just listen" a lot, but it does go the other way, as well. Often men really are looking for input toward a solution and get frustrated when women "just want to understand".
I've a female friend, an older PhD, who was always baffled by the fact that when she wanted advice, the men she otherwise seemed to get along with the best always just listened in a sympathetic way.
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