Before Courtney was invited into our family, when I prayed about it I got the distinct impression that she was optional. That we did not have to encounter the trial and hardship that having her would entail. Of course all children are both a hardship and a blessing, and we decided that she would be worth it. She would have been fourteen today.
December is hard. Both Jessica and Courtney entered into their final illnesses on the 25th. Courtney died on the 26th of December, Jessica on the 26th of January. Jessica was born on February 12, Courtney on February 16. Valentine's Day used to be such a joyous week for us.
But, tomorrow will be like Easter for me, an emergence from the sorrow. The cycle repeats itself every year. That I've changed jobs on or about January 1 twice now, has added some subtle twists. Neither time did any of my co-workers notice anything until they had known me a couple years or more.
It may be in my heart, but I miss her still, regardless of ourward appearance.