With grief, I have been part of a number of grief groups. In theory, everyone can speak freely knowing that no one will criticize you. In reality, I spoke openly once, had people jumping down my throat, and never spoke another unguarded word again. Ever.
My unthinkable though, which I am over now, was that I wished I had spent more time on my career and less on my kids. They were dead and I felt like I had nothing to show for it, whereas if I had spent more time on my career, especially my writing ... How can I tell I'm over those thoughts? Simply, I tell Rachel new stories every night (before anyone gets excited, they are all about Ariel and her flying magic hamster and her friends Rachel and Morgan.
There is a reason I'm not writing them down, but she really loves them, and they do take creative energy). I could spend the time working on a book on mediation (I have the rough draft done) or a book on negotiation (I have the outline worked out, see http://srmarsh.com/ ).
Instead I spend that time and energy on Rachel.
But I had the thought. Came back to me when I passed up on professional advancement/improvement that I had always planned on in order to keep Rachel's school situation stable. They love her at her school. That is well worth it to me. Not too long ago I would have seen that as giving up on my life's dream. Now I see my children as my life.
With food, the great heresy is that I don't believe that being fat is sinful and I don't believe that losing weight is a sign of virtue or the mandate of heaven. To the extent I have any weight related theology it is "Why do you spend money for that which is not bread? and your labor for that which doesn't satisfy? listen diligently to me, and eat you that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness." (Isaiah 55:2) not to mention "Hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness."
In fact, as far as I can tell, that willpower and virtue will lead to weight loss is just one more great illusion, a false idol people build up. Am I glad that the Shangri-la Diet works for me? Very much so. I'm glad it works for the people I've gotten started on it. But it isn't a sign of moral superiority that any of us are losing weight, nor a sign of moral failure that any of us gained weight. Or a sign of any sort of failure for those who have not lost weight.
To many, that is an unthinkable thought, even though it is true. It threatens them somehow.
Just thinking and remembering unthinkable thoughts.
[if you've come for Shangri-la diet notes, click here]