I had really feared I was broken forever. Each child that died, and each of the miscarriages, took something out of me. Each death broke a coping mechanism, which is normal, and the succession of deaths did not give them time to heal or be restored. After three funerals, and three miscarriages (and yes, my poor wife went through pregnancy eight times and has only two children to show for it) I had mostly shattered shards of myself.
We had reached a sort of peace, the two of us and our one surviving child, who so much did not want to be left alone, when my wife decided to put off graduate school for a year. That brought Rachel into our lives. Beautiful, bright, happy, resourceful (right now she is trying to figure out how to read in bed when she is supposed to be sleeping, but she has gotten into fourth grade books and loves them), she has forced us all to deal with things that were buried and hidden.
But amazingly, in many ways she has given us our lives back as well. We thought we were living, but in so many ways, because of her we are no longer broken. Things in my life that had failed me are suddenly working again (such as being able to go for long walks).
Replacement children are a disaster in grief. The literature and the community are filled with examples. But subsequent children, taken on their own, are so precious. We had anticipated that so much with Robin, and then she died. I did not think I could ever face a baby again. I'm so glad we did. It is so good to not be permanently broken after all.
BTW, for those of you who have noticed that MA is displaying my name, but no links to posts or post titles, they are aware of the problem and are looking into it. I'm sure they will figure it out, just some technical glitch that is affecting only my blog, but shouldn't last. It appears to be a problem from a Blogger setting with a changed default, I'm hoping it is cured.