What has happened to my heart

Something happened to my heart, my center.

What brought it to mind was reading the travails of a young woman who felt God led her in a direction that came up dry. She had pain and confusion and questions of God and about God. I've been through that in my life. Both in God not giving me the results I prayed for when each of my daughters was dying, and in the times I felt pushed in a direction or towards a goal that did not seem to bear the indicated fruit.

The hard part is that it has come in the context of feeling God's love and grace. Of being blessed, including occasional physical miracles (like when I was kicked in the head hard enough to rock me back and off my feet, and had not a mark on me).

But what happened is that I realized that I've come to accept that I do not know the meaning of things other than that God is mindful of me and that his grace and love are there. Reminds me of how Seraphine writes of her heart being healed by the atonement when she wasn't looking.

I learned to accept the atonement, to rely on grace and love, and to begin to surrender. To become willing to let God cure me of my infirmities. That has what has begun to happen to my heart.

On the dentist alleged to have given people AIDS intentionally

http://www.nytimes.com/1991/07/30/health/the-doctor-s-world-an-aids-puzzle-what-went-wrong-in-dentist-s-office.html

Is not a bad place to start.

In addition, see:

http://www.annals.org/content/124/2/255.full

But see (and do not skip)

http://www.annals.org/content/124/2/250.full (which disagrees with the above)

and http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20113381,00.html which suggests that stories of the one patient being LDS are false.

Just an update, since what I'd read and heard in the past is not necessarily accurate.

On Global Warming and Cooling

From an essay from a new book:

1. If the Earth’s warming leads to global catastrophe, that would be a really bad outcome.

TRUE / FALSE

2. Even when there is enormous uncertainty about the likelihood of future cataclysms, it makes sense to invest now in finding ways to avoid such cataclysms.

TRUE / FALSE

3. Economists estimate that the costs of reducing carbon emissions are likely to be upwards of $1 trillion per year.

TRUE / FALSE

The correct answer to all three of these economic questions is “TRUE.” These are the three key economic facts that are critical to the arguments in our chapter. The first question doesn’t require any further explanation. The answer to the second question has been hammered home by Martin Weitzman’s work in the area, which we cite in SuperFreakonomics, as well as a newer paper that Weitzman has written. The third fact is based on the analysis of Nicholas Stern. These cost estimates are obviously highly speculative, but the true cost of reducing carbon emissions is likely to be within two orders of magnitude of this number.

The essay is at: Global Warming Fact Quiz

The book is

SuperFreakonomics: Global Cooling, Patriotic Prostitutes, and Why Suicide Bombers Should Buy Life Insurance by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner (Hardcover - Oct 20, 2009)

Buy new: $29.99 $16.47

20 new from $14.99

It is what happens when applied statisticians get loose.

How to Have Less Crime and Less Punishment

Imprisonment at five times the historical level in the United States, and at five times the level of any of the countries with which we would like to compare ourselves, has not been sufficient to fully reverse the growth in crime; current crime rates are still at 2.5 times the level of the late 1950s and early 1960s. Even that discouraging number understates how much worse things are now than they were half a century ago; today’s high crime rates persist in the face not only of ferocious punishment but also of greatly enhanced – and very costly – adaptations by potential victims to avoid being victimized. Those adaptations range from buying alarm systems to moving to the suburbs. Most of all, they involve avoiding risky situations. The need to take such precautions leaves all of us less free than Americans were half a century ago.

An amazing essay. Click on the link to read the rest of it.

Is there an alternative to brute force? There is reason to think so, and pieces of that alternative approach can be seen working in scattered places throughout the world of crime control. But the first step in getting away from brute force is to want to get away from brute force: to care more about reducing crime than about punishing criminals, and to be willing to choose safety over vengeance when the two are in tension.

If for a moment we thought about “crime” as something bad that happens to people, like auto accidents or air pollution or disease, rather than as something horrible that people do to each other—if we thought about it, that is, as an ordinary domestic-policy problem—then we could start to ask how to limit the damage crime does at as little cost as possible in money spent and suffering inflicted.

Resources for Grief

There are lots of choices, but I'd recommend the following:

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/resources/available_brochures.aspx -- all of their material, for free, on-line.

Important, all of these can be obtained through interlibrary loan, for free. Because what will connect for you, and what will not, is extremely personal, don't buy any book you haven't read through the library for free first.

The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith by John W. James and Russell Friedman (Paperback - Mar 3, 2009)

When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses by John W. James, Russell Friedman, and Dr. Leslie Matthews (Paperback - Jun 4, 2002)

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver (Paperback - Nov 2, 2004)

And

When God Doesn't Make Sense by James C. Dobson (Paperback - Aug 31, 1997)

Buy new: $14.99 $10.19

124 Used & new from $0.01

What I have learned about grief

http://monicathemighty.blogspot.com/2009/10/what-i-have-learned-about-grief-842004.html

Very well said. Worth a visit.

Me at a karate tournament

The throw just slipped right in there, reflex. I was really pleased.

It is a reprise to http://adrr.com/bengoshi/judo3.htm which I wrote about twenty years ago to capture something I did to amuse Win (she came to watch some Judo work-outs. One of them I used only this sequence of throws).

Failure in relationships

There are four major indicators or causes of relationships that are headed towards failure:

• Harsh start-ups. When conversations start with criticism, sarcasm or contempt, they are referred to as conversations that have begun with a harsh start-up. A conversation that begins with a harsh start-up will end on a negative note. A harsh start-up pretty much dooms a conversation to negative results, which is a failure. If you have a conversation that begins that way, stop the conversation and start over, whether you started talking that way to a child, a spouse, a co-worker or a subordinate.
  
  
• Toxic patterns. There are four.

1. criticism rather than complaint. A complaint addresses a specific action or event, criticism is global. "You don't care" or "You are forgetful" or anything that sends the message "something is wrong with you" rather than "something is wrong with what you did" or "please change the way you are acting/what you are doing" is a criticism rather than a complaint.
2. contempt. Sarcasm and cynicism reflect contempt. Contempt leads to conflict (obvious or hidden) and withdrawal and preempts reconciliation, blocking it.
3. defensiveness. It doesn't work. The hidden message is always "the problem is not me, it is you and I want away from you."
4. stonewalling. Tuning out is turning away and giving up, whether you recognize it or not.

• Rejected repair attempts. A repair attempt is a call for a time out, a white flag, an attempt to set things right. When repair attempts are rejected it is a rejection of reconcilliation. For example "you left the milk out and there is a mess." Someone who says "that sure was stupid of me" is making a repair attempt. If you pile on at that point, you are rejecting the attempt. Children often make very blotchy repair attempts. When they do, teach them how to make better attempts, don't just crush the blotch.
  
  
• Loss of positive memories. You need to build, refresh, recall, share and nourish positive memories. Positive memories lead to positive attitudes. Do you give someone the benefit of the doubt because of positive attitudes or do you just assume the worst? If you are assuming the worst, you are killing your positive memories.

Obviously if you want to repair a relationship you start by eliminating the harsh start-ups that have probably crept in. If you have one, you apologize, stop and start over. If you slip into a toxic pattern, catch yourself and start over. Practice repair. Work on positive memories on a daily basis.

If you do those things you can repair and save a failing relationship. If you are in a relationship that has those elements, it will probably fail (well, the r^2 on failure is over .83).

Don't ever let yourself start saying "you always" or "you never" or "you are so selfish" or ... unless your goal is to end the relationship. Do spend time every day with a positive memory (the reason for things like gratitude lists). Do share positive memories every day.

You can (and probably should) complain, it is how people help each other improve. Part of a useful boss's feedback is complaints. Properly training a secretary includes teaching them to complain. But universal criticism (as defined above) is useless and toxic. It poisons what should be memories that make a couple glad of each other, replacing those memories with acid burns.

Nourish good memories and good responses instead.

The Hobbit meets the Internet ...

Dear MR BAGGINS, Fellow Conspirator,

I am Thorin Oakenshield, descendant of Thrain the Old and grandson of Thror who was King under the Mountain. I am writing you to discuss our plans, our ways, means, policy and devices for rescuing our treasure from the dragon Smaug.

During the reign of Thror our kingdom was a prosperous one. Kings used to send for our smiths, and reward even the least skillful most richly. Fathers would beg us to take their sons as apprentices, and pay us handsomely, especially in food-supplies, which we never bothered to grow or find for ourselves. Altogether those were good days for us, and the poorest of us had money to spend and to lend, and leisure to make beautiful things just for the fun of it, not to speak of the most marvellous and magical toys, the like of which is not to be found in the world now-a-days.

Undoubtedly that was what brought the dragon. Dragons steal gold and jewels from men and elves and dwarves, wherever they can find them; and they guard their plunder as long as they live (which is practically for ever, unless they are killed), and never enjoy a brass ring of it. There was a most specially greedy, strong and wicked worm called Smaug. One day he flew up into the air and came south. The dragon settled on our mountain in a spout of flame and routed out all the halls, and lanes, and tunnels, alleys, cellars, mansions and passages. After there were no dwarves left alive inside the mountain he took all their wealth for himself.

In view of this, I received your contact through a friend and counselor, an ingenious wizard, who noted you as a Burglar who wants a good job, plenty of Excitement and reasonable Reward. And I and my twelve companions have agreed to give you 10% of the total gold and jewels that the dragon Smaug now rests upon if you can join us on our long journey. When you have agreed please tell us the place where you dwell and send one hundred pence so that we might travel to you.

Please hold what I have told you in strict confidence and I look forward to your earliest response.

THORIN OAKENSHIELD

I just received this from a friend.

The Hobbit meets an on-line scam ... ;)

Relationships

I've really enjoyed Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

It is a book on communication, but totally different from the usual approach. The research shows that there is a 90% correlation between some communication patterns and a marriage that succeeds or fails.

Do you have harsh openings when you talk to someone, or do you have gentle ones? When you have a disagreement, do you use sarcasm, do you ever change your mind, do you value your spouse's opinions (and care to hear them) or do you downgrade anyone you disagree with?

Do either of you make repair or soothing attempts, and if one occurs, do you respond to it?

Those are all patterns you can learn to recognize, control and improve.

The book has a lot more than those points, but it teaches them well and they are the core to successful relationships (with friends, at work, or in a marriage). It contains a lot of accessible checklists, advice and patterns you can use. Best, it is data driven rather than modeled on current trends, psych fads or common knowledge and old tales.

Based on it, I've got some rules for talking to a spouse.

1. Never say "you always" or "you never" or "you are." That leads to divorce because it devalues your spouse and puts them in the category of "bad" rather than someone you love. If you want not to love them, fine, but otherwise take a different approach.
2. Never use sarcasm in any emotional discussion with your spouse. If there is emotion, then you should never belittle, degrade or use sarcasm (you shouldn't anyway).
3. Be gentle with each other.
4. Never pile on. When a repair attempt occurs (e.g. "you forgot to pick up the milk." [not, "you always forget to pick up the milk"] "I did, that was stupid" -- that is a repair attempt) If you pile on a that stage (e.g. "you sure are stupid!") you are sending the message that you don't want change, you just want to hurt the other person.
5. Spend some time each day supporting your spouse's venting. Agree with them, don't try to fix it or offer solutions, don't try to talk them out of venting. Take at least 15 minutes and make sure they do at least 95% of the talking.

Obviously there is a lot more than my conclusions in this book (ok, it may not be obvious, and with some books, there would not be, but there are in this case). Different people will have different take away points (and I have more, but I just wanted five for this post), with different amounts of tangibility (application vs. general principles).

Worth getting through interlibrary loan or used at amazon.com. Bears revisiting and the checklists and quizes are useful for application.

I may do some more posts based on the book.

Eating Lunch

Back before my life adjusted, I used to eat lunch just down the street from work once in a while. I'd clean the plate and probably use a cup of sauce to do it with (a sugary red sauce the Chinese restaurant used).

Then, as I began to lose weight and I ate lunch at home every day. That went on for more than three years.

We moved, the house isn't close enough, and I've been eating lunch at work for the past six or so months.

I finally went back to the Chinese place, had asparagus chicken again. This time I skipped the rice, skipped the sauce, didn't finish the asparagus and enjoyed the chicken. It was like an entirely different experience.

---

For a link to the article I read recently:

How American Health Care Killed My Father - The Atlantic ...

and a commentary on it:

How American Health Care Killed My Father, David Henderson ...

Not my experience. Not my story. But interesting and a comment on the health care reform debate.

Reflections on Karate and Wado Ryu

Completely off of my usual topics.

Modern karate began with Funakoshi Gichin (or Gichin Funakoshi in the west) whose greatest skill was his impeccable sense of manners and his complete lack of self promotion.

He taught a style of punching and kicking (and other strikes) with high stances that operated from the balls of the foot. Most of the students he taught were Judoka -- people with a great deal of training, experience and competition titles in Judo.

He had two heir apparents. Hironori Ōtsuka and Funakoshi's son. Ōtsuka was not part of the university and Judo groups and was eventually alienated and founded Wado-Ryu. Funakoshi's son Gigō (Yoshitaka) Funakoshi died early of tuberculosis .

As a result, Nakayama Masatoshi (M. Nakayama in the west) became the dominant force in Japanese karate, not just Shotokan by virtue of incredible political skills. A PhD who was the director of physical education at Takushoku University, he had sophisticated and developed teaching and planning skills, which he devoted to unifying the teaching of karate as a system. He also had his background in Kendo, not Judo. He also cooperated with Hidetaka Nishiyama.

Under Nakayama the transition to lower stances and driving from the heel (much like an Olympic powerlifter drives from the heel) matured and completed (though it started with Gigō Funakoshi who is credited with originating the concepts), with a transforming ripple that affected all of the techniques, kata and applications.

As an aside, many of the conflicts between karate instructors can be better understood in terms of the University caste system vs. the old fashioned birth caste system (e.g. many early karate-ka had university credentials and gained status as graduates of the Japanese equivalents of the American Ivy League schools in a Japan where that status was very important -- these are the same people who refereed matches in suits and ties). The older birth caste system (which ranked people's status by the nobility of their parents -- Samurai caste and various degrees in that caste, for example) was fading and being supplanted at the time. Many in that caste had martial arts traditions in their families, but due to the social shifts were unable to finish university educations.

As to Wado and Shotokan, which is better and which is the better way to begin martial arts instruction? I'm not qualified to decide. Shotokan can have tai sabaki (when our club in Wichita Falls trained under Nic http://nikchapapas.typepad.com/ every work out included a fair amount of tai sabaki drills as a part of the warm-up), Wado can have a great deal of power. I had Judo training before Karate. I admire people in both styles, I just could not continue in Shotokan after Robin died. Wado is something I can do right now, and I was able to keep my dad's death from derailing me.

But, I had not seen the thoughts I'm expressing here expressed anywhere else, so I wrote this post and edited the Wiki a little. I train because it has been part of my life since I was a teenager, and I'm glad to find a place I can train that is not overwritten by emotional issues or too far to drive from my house.

What should we call Triage?

Every health care plan has triage of some sort. If nothing else, there are limits of time and risk so that accepting one treatment plan will take time that can not be spent on something else.

But most have limits that cut in before there are risks that people are unwilling to take or limits on just what sort of treatment people choose. Insurance won't cover experimental treatment. Some policies have lifetime treatment caps. Most electives are outside of coverage. That is triage.

The first time I encountered triage was when a guy ran a red light and hit me. We ended up in the same ER and they took care of him first. Triage is applying limited resources in order of need and effectiveness. It is often not pretty and often not fair.

Health plans have triage There are limits to the time and money available. People tend to want three things. First, they want more than they are paying for, second, they often want treatment past what other people would judge to be the point of diminishing returns and third, they often want treatment so they can avoid being compliant in observing their own health.

At times, triage comes together harshly. In WWII, antibiotics went first to treat venereal diseases, and then what was left over went to treat those injured in combat. Generally, combat infections resulted in death. V.D. got you treatment. But the treated went back to war, those rotting from combat wounds would have gone home (and, you could treat 20 cases of V.D. for the same antibiotics that one infected wound would take).

Often, triage also seems arbitrary. Decisions made seem to be random, often decided by cultural matters. Sometimes the decisions are mechanical, made in advance by formulas (Oregon's hierarchy list for example).

So, what do you call triage? In some ways it decides who gets an extra chance at life and who dies now. It also decides who gets treatment for non-compliance and who gets optional benefits (e.g. dialysis for for kidney problems brought on by not controlling sugar intake, AZT for AIDS, abortions, Viagra, or cosmetic surgery -- you name it, it might be on someone's list).

In addition, at some point, medical care is no longer done for someone, it is done to someone. Who decides that point? Some people would pay a million dollars to live an extra hour in pain rather than die an hour earlier in peace, especially if it is someone else's money.

It is disingenuous to claim that triage and plans for triage do not exist. It is a lie to deny that. However, it is questionable to characterize such plans as "death panels." Perhaps, perhaps not. But denying that triage exists is not only a lie, it is a harmful lie, because it stops communication about the real issue.

Given that perhaps half of Medicare money goes to mostly futile expenditures in the last ninety days of life, given the growing expense of non-compliance, given all of these other issues, we need a rational discussion on triage. Avoiding it by claiming that it is not happening or can be avoided serves no one. Until we can have an open and honest discussion on triage, we will be in denial, with all the increasing failures that causes.

What will be the answer we get? I don't know. What is the right answer? I don't know. But we can't find either the right answer or any answer if we don't have an honest discussion.

Triage in a Finite World

There is always triage. If nothing else, there is never enough time, and everything done excludes something there was not enough time to do as well. In every area of choice, choices have to be made. In addition, for most of us, there are financial and political limits, as well as limits to risk. Nikita Khrushchev may have ruled Russia with an iron fist, but he could not obtain a day at Disneyland for all his power.

Currently, the limits of time and money are coming to the fore in health care. Oregon faced it head on. They ranked treatments by cost effectiveness and then matched them up with State resources. If there is money, and your treatment does not mean someone else is denied a more effective treatment (for spending the money on your treatment instead), you get the treatment at state expense. If the answer is different, they will pay for counseling and for euthanasia treatments (which are legal in that state).

The easiest way to finance health care for all is to take the current dollars spent and pour them over into a new system that covers everyone. But if that is done, you will get different triage choices than the current system offers.

Now triage happens. Insurance will often not pay for things (which reminds me of battles in past years to force insurers to pay for treatments now known to be failures). But there are often improvements. Hypoplastic left ventrical used to be a death sentence. Now 60% of those treated with surgery survive, though year after year after year of failures occurred first.

We need an open, honest and extensive national discussion on triage in a finite world. Not only about what we cannot accomplish, but about the things we can.

Becoming a Category of One

Part of being unique in a field is to have two virtues:

Trust, those you deal with must be able to trust you to do what you say and to keep your promises. They must trust your ability to deliver.

Reliability, people need to be able to rely on you, that things will be what they expect

Yes, these two virtues are very similar, they are part of a package, that needs both elements.

In addition to the two virtues, you need to have a core concept. Much of that is being able to answer the question "What is your story?" You need to be able to answer what it is that you do in a way that has meaning.

Finally, you need to realize that the goal you are seeking is not painless or effort free. Reaching the so-called position of a category of one is not trite. If things don't change, you have not made the necessary commitment. If bonuses go to the top of an organization in a change initiative, before anything happens or before positive long-term results have been measured, you have already failed.

Assuming you want to be extraordinary and that you are willing to do the work, there is a book that tells you much of how to do it. It also addresses the two questions:

1. Why you might need to make the effort.
2. Why you instead of someone else.

It would be nice to see an ADR related book of this type for Mediation and other ADR providers.

Becoming a Category of One: How Extraordinary Companies Transcend Commodity and Defy Comparison by Joe Calloway (Paperback - Aug 24, 2009)

(28)

Other Editions: Kindle Edition, Hardcover, Paperback

Excerpt - Front Cover: "... Becoming a Category of One How Extraordinary Companies Transcend Commodity and Defy Comparison 2nEr Editiol ..."Surprise me! See a random page in this book.

---

I should note that I enjoy reviewing books. Occasionally I get sent review copies of books that I really don't like or that don't speak to me. For example, The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work by Jon Gordon really seemed too short to me.

But, it was just the right length for my boss to borrow and read it (she is sometimes pressed for time, already workign 70 hours a week and a daughter who is an elite skater). Amazingly, I actually kept it on my desk for a couple of months, in the vertical position, so that anyone walking in my office would be confronted by it. I'd say it reduced some complaining by 90% or better just by people reading the title every time they came in my office to complain.

The book really worked, just from people having to confront the title.

Why Our Ancestors Put Liars and Cowards to Death

I am realizing why a person was put to death for lying.

An interesting essay.

My dad died

Much sooner than anyone expected, about 7:30 p.m. last night.

I loved him and love him still.

Dying from Parkinson's

Dying from Parkinson's is not linear or mechanical. It has multiple pathways.

• The mind can go to the point where the body becomes deregulated.
• The body can go to the point where one is no longer strong enough to breathe and suffocates.
• Other body systems can weaken and fail, together or in sequence.
• Some people just sleep longer and longer and finally do not wake up.
• Some lose the desire to eat and eventually just fade away from not eating.

All of these pathways are active at the same time and act at different rates for different people, sometimes getting worse and sometimes getting better. I've known a number of people with the disease, each has had different pathways take them to the end. A friend's father, who died recently had a particularly difficult death.

As for my dad, he expected to die a couple of years ago, wanted everyone near him and a blessing to make the transition easier (he was in constant pain, serious delusions and completely bed bound). He recovered and started walking again instead of dying.

But, it was temporary, it looks like he is now in the final decline. He has lost his appetite and begun to waste. That is probably the gentle way. He still recognizes everyone, he is at peace with death now. Hospice comes daily, but there is no concrete time line.

I visit from time to time, Win sits with him on Wednesdays so my mom can spend the morning at the temple, I come by on Saturdays to get him out of the bath (my mom isn't strong enough to get him out) and when he slips and falls to the floor (she isn't strong enough to lift him). He hasn't walked for some time, but he does transition to and from a wheel chair with the tools they gave my mom to make that possible. I suspect that is likely to end soon as he is just not strong enough to help at all in the transitions.

It isn't faster than expected, but it comes and goes irregularly. My mom has lived her life by structure, so this really does not fit, but then life never does.

I've got posts written, will get them up, just wanted to respond to some e-mails here. That's the news from Lake Woebegone, so to speak.

More Philosophy

http://www.principiacomica.com/archive/1.html

Ok, I've only read some of them, but they were funny.

e.g. http://www.principiacomica.com/archive/7.html

And, a choice of philosophy boxes:

http://www.principiacomica.com/archive/augustbox2008.html

Dominion

I'm quoting from http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=2629 but this is great relationship material. Visit over there and read the whole thing.

So here’s my deal, we humans, we are a bunch of messed up sinners. All of us. We’re weak and lazy and selfish and power hungry. I think most all of us would like a dominion in which we are fanned by palm fronds and fed pealed grapes while receiving a foot massage and being read to by Morgan Freeman. Whilst sending our minions off to buy more jello and clean the toilets. Sigh.

But a righteous dominion must exist, no? Or there would be no need to warn of the unrighteous variety. I don’t know if in any substantial way dominion is different from the leadership, the words certainly feel different to me, to be led or to be dominated, even righteously.

THE HANDOUT

Each husband, each father, should ask some questions of himself to see if he may be on the borderline of unrighteous dominion:

1. Do I criticize family members more than I compliment them?

2. Do I insist that family members obey me because I am the father or husband and hold the priesthood?

3. Do I seek happiness more at work or somewhere other than in my home?

4. Do my children seem reluctant to talk to me about some of their feelings and concerns?

5. Do I attempt to guarantee my place of authority by physical discipline or punishment?

6. Do I find myself setting and enforcing numerous rules to control family members?

7. Do family members appear to be fearful of me?

8. Do I feel threatened by the notion of sharing with other family members the power and responsibility for decision making in the family?

9. Is my wife highly dependent on me and unable to make decisions for herself?

10. Does my wife complain that she has insufficient funds to manage the household because I control all the money?

11. Do I insist on being the main source of inspiration for each individual family member rather than teaching each child to listen to the Spirit?

12. Do I often feel angry and critical toward family members?

To which, let me add my own bit of poetry:

WATER

a medley by Steve Marsh

a man is supple and weak when living
hard and stiff when dead

No power or influence can be maintained, except

the hard and the strong are the signs of death
the supple and changing the signs of life

by persuasion, by long suffering, by meekness and by gentleness

that which is forceful will not vanquish
that which is strong will fall to the axe

by kindness and pure knowledge

the strong fails
the supple succeeds

without hypocrisy and without guile

nothing is more submissive and weak than water
yet for breaking mountains, nothing can surpass it

Charity and virtue

that the weak overcome the strong, the
submissive the hard, all know
Yet none can put it into practice

Then the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul

as the dew from heaven and without

compulsory means dominion

shall flow unto thee

Forever and ever

Lao Tze
Tao Te Ching

Joseph Smith
Doctrine and Covenants 121