In recovery, grief differs from other afflictions in that once it starts, even when fatigue sets in, recovery just keeps happening. For an alcoholic, a compulsive overeater or someone similarly afflicted, when they have recovery fatigue, they can relapse. For them it is a great peril, but also a great freedom. Those walls they hit at three and five years are real walls, not just periods of pain that can only be embraced until the suffering grows dim.

That is something I learned from studying twelve step programs. Over the past thirteen or so years, there have been times I was so weary, when the warning "be ye not weary of well doing" really struck home. But I felt like I had no choice if I did not want to go septic, burying my grief and hiding from it in ways that could only make it worse.

I just realized that I had choice. Not a good choice, mind you, but that it was a choice, and that rebirth and renewal were choices, not unstoppable forces.

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Other than that, I've agreed to teach an ethics class, something I really enjoy doing. I confess that much of the way I present things depends on my audience. Not to mention, as an audience member in ethics I tend to be an essentialist, which is somewhat simplistic, and I don't compete with the presenters. When teaching, especially lawyers in practice, I tend to be much more lively and nuanced. With undergraduates I'm more bright line, but I love the topic.

Also started an a great exercise program -- they have a strong program for adults. It has been a long time since my bengoshi waza days, and I've always planned to return. Now that I've lost the weight, and found a great program, I'm excited. I know, it seems like no matter where I've been or lived I've always found things that I really enjoyed, but I'm still pleased. I'm looking forward to enrolling my youngest as well.