When Jessica first died, I had sent to me a quote from David O. McKay's wife about how, in her 80s, she and another lady talked about how the grief of losing a child, having them die before you, never really pases.
It is one thing to read about that sort of thing, another to experience it as life goes on.
I also read, from time to time, of the grief rituals that people and their extended family have. Families that gather around a date involving the death of a child. Then I think of my family, where we are scattered across states rather than across a few towns or a metroplex area. And multiple deaths.
At times it seems surreal. Sorry. I'm not ready to be someone with a tragic backstory. Especially someone who seems so normal, so pedestrian. I look at my wife and think, sometimes, but you are too gorgeous, too level headed, too professional to have a multiple incident tragic backstory. Sorry, it just doesn't fit.
I know, it is the season.
I know, unexpected triggers. Watched the wrong television show and was overwhelmed at the end. Posted to facebook without thinking. First comment was ... "spoilers" ... so I deleted the comment after I got over crying.
I hadn't thought. Then I was abashed that after all this time coping with grief, I could still be overwhelmed enough to slip.
Time to go back to sleep. I've a meeting at 7:00 to go to. It is going to be a full day.