One thing that surprises me about life is just how happy I am. As Rachel has gone through the stages of getting older and reprised her sisters a bit, bringing to mind a certain baby, a certain almost two year old, and a certain child who almost turned seven, I have had to re-encounter a great deal of emotion. In addition to the Christmas season and going through it with a six year old one more time, I've started Seth Roger's diet. Weight loss aside, food no longer serves to insulate me from emotion. I feel emotion much more strongly.
The funny thing, so to speak, about it all is that the dominant emotion that I feel, day in and day out, is happiness. It makes sense. Before everything, my native state was being happy. Now, I really enjoy my job (my secretary has finally adjusted to the fact that I respond to new files with cheerfulness, as if I'd been given a present -- we are in house and she is used to attorneys groaning when they get difficult work). There is a nice blend of repetition and variety in what I do -- and I win a lot.
A co-worker once referred to my family and I as "the Stepford bunch" -- because with the sickness and the other problems we still like each other, and it is still a joy to walk Rachel to school, talk with Heather and just be with Win.
Sometimes things catch me by surprise. Burying three children will do that to you, even now. But just as often they are good things, like just how steadily positive life has been. Sure, life has annoyances (we just had some kids out on a lark drive down the street bashing in windows and they got Heather's car), but they just don't seem worth getting riled up about (our insurance had a guy out to replace the windows first thing Monday and Heather's Volvo is as good as new again, or will be once she gets it waxed and polished).
I hope that anyone visiting my blog finds joy in life as well.