tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post7422198561179501418..comments2023-08-20T04:40:04.843-05:00Comments on Stephen M (Ethesis): On finding a matchStephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00219023897626648057noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-80926835526209140442010-11-20T22:30:30.290-06:002010-11-20T22:30:30.290-06:00I agree with SilverRain that the midsingles progra...I agree with SilverRain that the midsingles programs are not for sane midsingles. I can think of many things I'd rather do than spend my time in darkened rooms with top 40 music blaring at top volume. <br /><br />Now, if they were to try something like Contra (old style folk) dancing that actually allowed for socialization and interaction, I might go for that. The only midsingles activitiestwiceuponatimehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07451277880878796470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-41067753834506703522010-11-20T22:30:07.662-06:002010-11-20T22:30:07.662-06:00I agree with SilverRain that the midsingles progra...I agree with SilverRain that the midsingles programs are not for sane midsingles. I can think of many things I'd rather do than spend my time in darkened rooms with top 40 music blaring at top volume. <br /><br />Now, if they were to try something like Contra (old style folk) dancing that actually allowed for socialization and interaction, I might go for that. The only midsingles activitiestwiceuponatimehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07451277880878796470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-78933981368441410832010-11-15T08:10:25.493-06:002010-11-15T08:10:25.493-06:00Jessica—That assumption that "success" i...Jessica—That assumption that "success" is measured by marriages is the EXACT problem. In the case of blended wards, the point is church activity, NOT marriages.<br /><br />I have little interest in going to a ward with the goal to marry myself off. I just want to live life, and if marriage comes, it comes.<br /><br />But it will come, if it does, because I've gotten to know someone SilverRainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00580230961425635077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-28871054108539446732010-11-14T01:01:55.776-06:002010-11-14T01:01:55.776-06:00Love this post, Stephen, found it on Celibate in t...Love this post, Stephen, found it on Celibate in the City. <br /><br />We always talk about men with unrealistic expectations about what they can get, just like the examples you mentioned, but women are just as guilty. Just because it isn't as obvious because we aren't going primarily for looks, doesn't mean that we are exempt from being unrealistically picky about the wrong things. <Feihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04289385334453931872noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-86121935438561464102010-11-12T15:28:00.988-06:002010-11-12T15:28:00.988-06:00FWIW, I live in a combined family/midsingles ward ...FWIW, I live in a combined family/midsingles ward in Long Beach, CA. I don't think I would call it a raging success, but it seems to contribute to about one (apparently successful) marriage per year.Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13108730598971640896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-79338588495645537882010-11-12T11:16:03.361-06:002010-11-12T11:16:03.361-06:00Your point about fit is excellent. It's a poin...Your point about fit is excellent. It's a point I tried to make in <a href="http://postsofmyhouse.blogspot.com/2010/11/ethics-and-dating-in-lds-context.html" rel="nofollow">a recent post</a> on my blog, but you made it so much better.<br /><br />I agree with Anonymous about demographics, and I would love to know where I can look for these supposedly invisible men. I actually joined the J. Keri Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13634172749457075836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-82321350320811721452010-11-12T11:06:56.538-06:002010-11-12T11:06:56.538-06:00SilverRan, the issue you're talking about is g...SilverRan, the issue you're talking about is greatly exacerbated by demographics. Men think they can afford to have unrealistic standards because there are SO MANY single LDS women. I'm in a mid-singles ward that is 75-80 percent female. I visited another one on Sunday that is about the same. When you compare high-functioning women with high-functioning men, the numbers get even worse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-35418391787680901882010-11-12T08:11:13.995-06:002010-11-12T08:11:13.995-06:00*lol* Thanks! I didn't know I was supposed to ...*lol* Thanks! I didn't know I was supposed to write one.<br /><br />And from my perspective, the blended ward like I linked to <i>IS</i> the solution. It lets singles continue on in their real lives and yet still come in contact with <i>other</i> singles going on with their lives.<br /><br />I don't know why there is no leadership support for it in Salt Lake, of all places, but there it SilverRainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00580230961425635077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-29288539092853286682010-11-12T08:11:04.595-06:002010-11-12T08:11:04.595-06:00*lol* Thanks! I didn't know I was supposed to ...*lol* Thanks! I didn't know I was supposed to write one.<br /><br />And from my perspective, the blended ward like I linked to <i>IS</i> the solution. It lets singles continue on in their real lives and yet still come in contact with <i>other</i> singles going on with their lives.<br /><br />I don't know why there is no leadership support for it in Salt Lake, of all places, but there it SilverRainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00580230961425635077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-35909190336896733052010-11-11T18:51:39.864-06:002010-11-11T18:51:39.864-06:00Sane mid-singles are not in the YSA-like midsingle...<i>Sane mid-singles are not in the YSA-like midsingles culture. They're at home, doing real-world things in their wards. How do you look for such people?</i><br /><br />I wish I knew the answer.<br /><br /><i>When you have major liabilities such as children and a failed marriage</i><br /><br />I almost wrote about two doctors I knew who both married women with children after their first Stephenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00219023897626648057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-15520869303653296462010-11-11T08:11:36.044-06:002010-11-11T08:11:36.044-06:00I don't think the problem is not enough LDS me...I don't think the problem is not enough LDS men. I think it is, rather like Stephen is saying, not enough unmarried LDS men with realistic standards. I can't tell you how many single LDS men refuse to date a woman who has been married before because of the "baggage". I can tell you that never-been-married women of a certain age have just as much if not more baggage.<br /><br />SilverRainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00580230961425635077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-40980599540733476312010-11-11T07:57:33.051-06:002010-11-11T07:57:33.051-06:00Older unmarried LDS men tend to kind of disappear ...Older unmarried LDS men tend to kind of disappear as well. At BYU just after I graduated from law school, I had a room mate who was 35.<br /><br />Air Force Academy graduate, joined the church in Oklahoma, came to BYU to get some more education and was interested in marriage, but not at all interested in the 20something culture. He was pretty much invisible.<br /><br />Or the BYU law school (Stephenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00219023897626648057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5861130.post-55186911939610273362010-11-10T23:18:30.210-06:002010-11-10T23:18:30.210-06:00Interesting thoughts. I agree with many of them. B...Interesting thoughts. I agree with many of them. But a big problem for single LDS women is demographics. There simply aren't enough LDS men to go around. (If there actually are areas where there's a surplus of LDS men, particularly over 35, I'd like to know where--as would thousands of my single female friends!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com